What could be the reason my boyfriend will get very emotional with me and cry then afterwards get withdrawn and treat me like a buddy or a friend?

[Anonymous]

He called and said he needed to see me. He came helped with some things around the house then was all touchy -feely as usual. I was on my period. Shortly after he said he was going to go so naturally I was pissed. And started pushing him away and told him not to touch me.

After he started getting quiet and then he was crying then asked me "why I love him". Now he's been rather withdrawn and is treating me like a friend.

[quaranta]

I think he felt guilty (and overwhelmed by that, that's why he's withdrawn now) for so evidently seeing you only as a fuck buddy, someone who is worth seeing only if they can provide sex, marking how he doesn't care much about spending time with you in any other way than sex, but would rather mind his business elsewhere.
I think you were right to be upset because you are a couple and not just having hookups, so you expect to be in a relationship and to be perceived like a girlfriend with all the connection that implies, but at the same time he can't force feelings/interest in you, if he doesn't have that. He didn't clarify that he loves you for everything else, he actually asked you why would you love him, as if he knows he can provide (and want) only physical intimacy.
Another option is that he didn't even understand that but just cried because you denied sex, thinking that having a girlfriend secures him to have a sex machine he can get to at will, and felt unloved "because you have periods", so he asked you "why you love him" like to ask a proof of love, if you "dare so much" having your periods instead (lol), and got detached because felt rejected.
Of course I hope it's the first scenario but I can't exclude some men might actually react like the second (that would be embarassing but oh well).

So I think you should have a talk, with honesty, about your relationship and what it means for both. You might realize you are not compatible at the moment, or at different life stages, maturity levels etc. That episode wouldn't happen if you had both matching expectations and the same vision of the relationship, so that's what you should clarify, not just forgiving each other and moving on, because effects of unmatching vision would anyway pop up again in other forms (or even the same).

[Asker]

No, he's never done that. We usually spend hours to days together. This super vulnerability then total shut down after is a pattern.

[quaranta]

If you only wonder about why a person would shut down after emotional vulnerability, well this is extremely common (men and women), it's like a quick protection after being exposed and vulnerable and need time to open back.

[Asker]

Meh. He's probably just cheating and feels bad. We always want to give the benfit of the doubt but it's mostly the most basic and worst thing.

[quaranta]

Well if you have this doubt how can you continue a relationship without trust? That is a broader problem in this case (assuming you have elements to say he might be cheating)

[Asker]

Saw him yesterday. We were essentially whispering to one another. He opened up. Then it just got all too much and he broke own and stormed out. Don't know if I should just not contact him at all or reach out.

[Guy13]

Don’t be so hard on him…don’t touch me. You’re his piece of “married” meat. Get over yourself. and your foolish sensitivities. This is how affairs get started.

[Asker]

Hard on him, please. How would you feel if someone came by then said they had to leave the moment they couldn't get laid?

[Guy13]

LMAO and make it until she had to do something right then... that's what playful people who in love start doing. We have different approach and i am not nearly as sensitive about this stuff as you are.

[Danny_dan92]

He needs to seek professional help honestly

[Anonymous]

He sounds very confused.