There’s a guy I work with, whom I find myself starting to catch feelings with. But it’s hard to tell if he’s just friendly or genuinely has a crush back. he's naturally nice and out going at work with everyone, jokey/flirty but in a friendly way, but I noticed with me he’s done these things that he normally doesn’t do for others:
Has given me a nickname at work (calls me by my last name bc it’s a little different from a normal last name), compliments my hair or how I look more than once. (Even called me cute and complimented my smile when I was showing a friend a picture of me and he was right next to us.) he once brought me coffee after I helped him out at work, and it wasn’t even a big thing I helped him with; he teases me, but tends to apologize quickly if the teasing comes off harsh (probably bc I’m shy) he has been touchy but respectfully, and he even shares his food with me at work. The only thing is we don’t go into detail with our personal lives, mainly bc it’s a fast paced environment and we don’t have time, and I also get a feeling he's being cautious of not stepping boundaries.
I guess the reason I’m hesitant to even make a move is bc the last crush I had on a co worker at one place, I went for it, only to find out he had a girlfriend and it made things weird. But in my defense, the guy showed every sign of interest and was super flirty. And I think bc of that there’s been a block of me opening up to this guy and holding back a bit..
So I guess my question is, is there a way to salvage this lol and show him there’s interest there and if so, how do I go about showing him I’m interested back?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Ok there is definitely 'a block' due to your past bad experience. You are... being too cautious because of the scars you carry from that past experience.
You make an excellent case for him having feelings for you. An excellent, compelling, very strong case.
I think you are observing everything perfectly. All of the things you're talking about... WHEN PUT TOGETHER make it undeniable that this guy is showing interest in you.
The only reason you aren't allowing yourself to 'believe' this mountain of evidence that he's interested in you, is because you are so so afraid that maybe you might be wrong. Because the last time left a scar. But you're not wrong. This guy clearly likes you. And you're right, you do need to 'admit it' to yourself fully and to do SOMETHING about it... otherwise he will start to assume you must not be interested in him (since his very clear signs of interest aren't being returned)
Now how do you go about showing him you're interested back?
Let me just say off the top that it is really important that you DO show interest back. If you don't, he'll assume it's 'on purpose' (you see he's interested but do not feel the same way)
Now, you mentioned that you're a shy person. So I'm going to keep that in mind. I'm not saying you need to ask if he'd like to grab a coffee with you after work. You certainly CAN do that, and that would be totally appropriate, very low-risk of rejection, and would make your interest in him unmistakeable. It would be an ideal way to 'move things forward quickly'. But it's not easy to just ask him out, and I get that. If for some reason, you're less shy than I think you are... then by all means ask him out. He'll say yes.
If however, that's a terrifying idea. No problem. You don't need to be brave to show interest back. You just need to... show interest back! You know all of those little signs and signals he 'sent' you... which you very accurately picked up on? It's essentially you sending similar signals to him in return. THat's what flirting is essentially. It's the back and forth of signals of interest.
So, you do things like... take any opportunity to be around him more. Sit next to him at the meeting. Do some of that 'innocent but purposeful' non-sexual touching... all the things you picked up on... just those sorts of things. Things you're doing that you know he'll pick up on.
I feel like you already know all of this. You recognized it all so accurately. You just need to do an active part in sending signals back to him (then things kinda escalate and progress naturally). But you already "speak the language". You just need to do some of the 'talking' 🙂
(note. It's entirely possible that you're already sending back some signals of interest that you can't help but send back to someone flirting with you... if you like them too. But still, make a point to show him you're interested).
Good luck! 🙂
Thank you Steve! I needed to hear this. I definitely took your advice on showing more interest and have noticed a difference. I think more and more everyday we are getting more comfortable around each other and I feel like I’m being more of myself, to the point where it won’t feel weird in the future to ask to hangout, or better yet, he asks lol again thank you!
Hey that's so great! I'm glad that you're showing more interest and have already noticed results. You're exactly right. Every day, you two will get a little closer, a little more comfortable with each other, and a little closer to somebody making the first move to 'come out in the open' about what you both already know: That you like one another. (don't be afraid to make that first move, in good time, if you find yourself 'waiting' for him to do it).
Congratulations, and I hope everything works out for you two! 🙂