I am slightly anxious when it comes to communicating with men. The reason for this is that I consider myself not beautiful enough and even ugly sometimes, although I have often received attention from men.
However, something happened recently that made me a complete mess. I went to a party where one of the boys repeatedly initiated conversations with me. I noticed how he was often looking at me, one time even staring at me continuously, and even smiling at me. I also talked to him, smiling and trying my best to show that I was interested too. Then, just when my insecure mind decided that maybe there is a slim chance that he liked me, I was left shocked.
Suddenly, he asked me and my girlfriend for advice about some girl he met recently and liked, but she ghosted him. Since he told us that he realized it wasn't worth it and got over her, I decided to keep communicating with him, hoping that we would at least exchange contacts in the end since we would never see each other again. But that didn't happen and we all left.
So, I welcomed the New Year with a shattered peace of mind, very confused, miserable and convinced more than ever that apparently I'm not pretty enough or even ugly once he didn't do anything more. I know how he was looking at me, it was definitely not accidental eye contact, he was staring at me repeatedly and consistently. And he began initiating conversations. Am I really that delusional and if there is any chance he really liked me? But if he had, why didn't he want anything more?
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Opinion
1Opinion
If you’re mind is this shattered over the fact that you didn’t exchange contact info with a guy then you need to make working on yourself a resolution for the new year. It’s absolutely possible for a guy to find you attractive, flirt, etc and not have the desire to pursue things romantically with you. The rational thing to do in situations like this isn’t to beat yourself up but to say “you know what, maybe I am in the position to prioritize a man right now, but that doesn’t mean he is and that’s ok”. This is how you save yourself from doing additional damage to your already messed up way of thinking. Therapy could do wonders for you, and I say that politely.
I've actually been going to several different therapists for 3 years, but unfortunately, when it comes to my low self-esteem about my appearance, I never saw any results and that depresses me even more when people tell me that therapy should have been helped me already but unfortunately didn't.
By the way, I've had a few similar situations in the past year that my therapists think is proof that I'm not ugly and have attention from men, but it's like when a guy doesn't ask for contact, I automatically assume it's because of my looks and refuse to accept that there was real interest in me. For instance, one day I was walking down a busy central street *talking on the phone*. Then, a handsome guy was quite persistent in trying to catch up with me, and when he stopped me, he told me that I looked pretty. I thanked him and was acting nice, but he didn't ask for my contacts and just smiled and left.
Even though this situation was like a booster for my low self-esteem, the fact that he didn't ask for my contacts made me think: ,, Well, he apparently thought I was pretty from afar, but when he got close to me, he figured that I'm not that pretty and he's given up, otherwise why would someone chase me just to compliment me.'' This situation is quite similar and again I take it in a particularly painful way for me…
I think you should avoid dating and focus on yourself for the time being.