Is it normal for a deck officer to text or call only once a day?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend is a deck officer on Lng tanker and we’ve been together for a year. so as our relationship now is long distant , he calls me once a day and sometimes he tells me that he can’t call for couple of days because there’s no internet connection but he can text me on whatsapp.. he takes hours or maximum day to reply to my texts. He usually initiates most of our calls I rarely call him i only text. I love him but i also worry about him, i know he loves me too but since he went on board I can’t understand him some day he is okay the other he is not and he doesn’t talk that much about his work is that normal or should i set boundaries do deck officers have lots of responsibilities besides watch keeping or he just avoids me or he is just upset, i hope anyone can explain it to me.

[DaveJord]

Yeah, so I was in the military, and I get where he is coming from. So, to me, it sounds about right. But it sounds like you are not the type of woman that is up for that type of lifestyle... so if he is set on this career path you should have no expectation it will get better. There is no way for me or him to really make you understand how hard it is to be at sea or deployed out somewhere... the daily challenges and stress of being out there. The lack of privacy, to find time to make those types of calls... texting on duty is seriously not acceptable when your focus is supposed to be on the job... and the pressure and stress of the job is constantly there for you. When you do get time to need to address your needs to eat and sleep and prepare for your next shift. You work 12-to-16-hour days... life on ship is difficult, you lack a lot of the day-to-day things you have in your normal life. It's a tough adjustment and it can be a lot, to be constantly back at home and then out again.

So, if you are not down with this type of lifestyle or relationship you need to move on.

[SnowedIn]

I was a U. S. Navy Sailor for 22 years. You are lucky to get once a day. Being a deck officer is a punishingly long and hard job. That guy probably has a four hour watch and then anywhere from 4 to ten hours of other duties and then a second watch in a 24 hour period. Add to that the communication struggles for a cell or internet signal and you are in the golden group of getting anything daily.

So, it's abnormal in that I think you're getting more than many would.

[SnowedIn]

Thank you for MHO!

If you have additional questions, please feel free to ask.

[Billboshaggens]

When I was working nights at a warehouse I had this problem with my dad. He would be so upset with me for not being as attentive as he thought I should have been and he started texting me rude things, always assuming the worst in me, and we got in these arguments. Honestly, we don't speak anymore. I don't know what's going on with your boyfriend, but neither do you. If he's texting you and making an effort then he's probably just busy. Hopefully, you can just be supportive. I know that's a guy thing to say, but you said you love him, so trust him.

[Asker]

Sorry for the things that happened with you & your dad. I do trust him and sometimes i share some pics of new things i do or buy to make him feel included. But I wanted to know if it is normal as it’s the first time for us to go through this. Your words made me feel better, thanks.

[ArrowheadSW]

If he is on a ship, I would imagine that they have to rely on satellite communication if they are away from land and out of range of cell towers. And he is probably busy and preoccupied with work. I think once a day or even every other day sounds ok being that he has the kind of job he has.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s right they rely on satellite communication but as i don’t a lot about his work it’s hard for me to tell if he feels okay or goes through something bad as you know this job makes them feel depressed as they are away from home and sometimes they don’t get a shore leave after a long sail. by the way thanks.

[ArrowheadSW]

Back over 25 years ago, sailors had to make phone calls via shortwave radio to talk back home. The radio propagation had to be good enough to reach the shore station that would make the calls for the sailor, and they would tell the station what number they want called and they would charge it to an account. So back then it was a big thing to call home from a ship. I remember when I was a teenager I would tune around on shortwave radio and I would hear these calls back home and at first I didn't now what was going on. Then I listened long enough and I would hear them make the calls like "This is Mike from SS Minow (or whatever ship) and I want to call this number", etc. Interesting how things have evolved.

[Iron_Man]

As long as you’re allowed to have a cell phone with you, he could call you constantly or text you

[msc545]

There are no cell towers in the ocean. Ship officers tend to be very busy.

[EaterPeter]

I guess. Not all job allows to carry cell phone or they require whole lot of attention. No distractions at all. This sounds like one of those job.

[KrakenAttackin]

He has a lot going on and being a deck officer his responsibilities never end.

[Danny_dan92]

He has a busy job. So yes

[Anonymous]

Seems like a bit much.

[Asker]

What is it? That he calls once a day?