My friend grabbed my butt. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

Okay so it’s a long story but I will skip to the important part. I was talking to my guy friend and I was about to go to class so I gave him a hug and he kind of touch my butt, I was shocked but I thought okay maybe it was an accident. Then he asked me for another hug and this time he grabbed my butt. I mean obviously he likes me and I think this is his way of telling me instead of saying it. But I don’t know what to do when I see him tomorrow. I have social anxiety and it is very hard to talk to people especially boys. I don’t know what to say when I see him. Do I bring it up? And I don’t do crush’s. I don’t know, I just don’t feel that nervousness or the butterflies in my stomach thing when I’m with a certain guy or girl, but I want a boyfriend so bad but I’m scared. Please help me. Also I’m a freshman in high school. I never got attention from guys until this year. HELP.

Updates

+1 y

Update: I planned to talk to the boy today about what happened but when I saw him I got scared and chickened out. But I’ve already accepted it. I have choose to put it behind me because I don’t want to bring it up and things get awkward. Anyways we were walking and talking today and he was VERY obviously flirting with me and I didn’t know what to do, I have never been flirted with before. But anyway I don’t think I like him in that way, I see him becoming one of my best friends not boyfriend.

Updates

+1 y

How do I tell him I don’t like him in that way without making things really awkward. Advice?

[WaterIsland]

Well for one, you have to ask yourself if that crossed a line for you. Touching you in that way without your consent and permission isn’t ok, and he shouldn’t have done that. But if you are ok with it, then that’s ok. But in any healthy relationship both people have to set boundaries, enforce their boundaries, and respect each other’s boundaries. However, if you tell yourself it’s ok because you want a boyfriend, that is not ok and it won’t end well.


But assuming that you’re ok with it. I’d just be yourself. Act naturally. Flirt with him a bit. Remember, he is obviously attracted to you on some level, so continuing to act like yourself is so important. Never change who you are or compromise your values for anyone else. It’s fine to meet in the middle when times get tough, but never compromise yourself.

[Asker]

I am fine with it, I mean I was shocked but it’s fine and thank you so much. But do you have any tips on how to ask naturally and have confidence because like I said I have social anxiety so when talking to people especially boys I get really scared and don’t think and say whatever and I say stupid things and it makes it awkward and I just want to leave the conversation,

[WaterIsland]

I understand. And that’s natural. Just start a conversation with him. Ask how his weekend was. Ask if he has any plans after school. Ask what he likes to do outside of school. Give him a compliment. Tell him you like his jacket. Smile at him.

If you wanna be super bold, tell him you think he’s cute and ask for his phone number.

You’re still really young. Everyone has messed up a lot when it comes to dating and relationships before. I don’t think there is a single person who hasn’t. So just be confident. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes or being awkward. Because he’ll do the same (even if you can’t see it). And remember, what is awkward to you, might be totally natural and comfortable to him. Just use every experience as a learning opportunity.

And again. Stay true to yourself. If a situation feels wrong, end things and get out of that situation. Don’t compromise yourself or your values for anyone.

[Asker]

Okay I’ll try. Thank you

[SnowedIn]

First, sorry this happened.

Second, it's not okay for him to touch you anywhere for any reason without your consent. You consented for a hug, not a butt grope.

As for tomorrow, you have two choices. On the one hand, you can tell him that what he did wasn't okay. Operate under the assumption that this is a learning experience for both of you. Your other choice is to not say anything. Don't make a big deal about it and let it pass.

Actually, you have a third choice for tomorrow. Be bold: say to him, "Hey, you grabbed my butt. Do you like me? What's this about?" Be bold and confident. Call his bluff.

Again, sorry you had to deal with this.

[Asker]

Thank you so much.

[SnowedIn]

You are very welcome.

[SnowedIn]

I don't think you chickened out. I think you made the choice that works for you.

I think you have two options.
1) let him keep flirting and you continue to be the same you. He'll figure it out or it'll allow to delay until he gets the courage up to ask you to date. ... or...
2) be straight up with him. Tell him you see his flirting, you love it, you're flattered, etc., etc., and that he's an awesome friend but you don't want a romantic relationship.

There will be some awkward no matter what you do. First option delays the awkward; the second rips the band aid off. BUT... some awkward in life is good because it's an opportunity to deal with awkward. Good life skill.

[SnowedIn]

Also, thank you for MHO!

[Asker]

Omg. You give such good advice thank you so much this so helpful. You are literally saving me, and your welcome for the MHO. When I post on here again I will hope to see your opinion on it.

[SnowedIn]

You are very welcome! I'm happy to help! :)

[FilmGuy93]

You could just not hug him/let him hug you next time he asks.

[Aerissa_Jade]

If you don't say anything, he will think your okay with it. You'll need to ask him not to do it anymore, be polite about it. Say you do not like that. If he is really a friend he will understand and be okay with that.

That is assuming you want him to stop grabbing your butt. If you don't mind, then you need not say anything but do realize, it likely is going to continue.

The fact that you are asking, means you probably didn't like it. I know it will be hard to talk to him but the fact that you are friends means your a step ahead of the ultra shy social anxiety people who do not even have opposite gender friends.

[Anonymous]

A good rule of thumb for sex is that if you cannot talk about it you shouldn't be doing it.

This guy is 100% a sex offender because he absolutely did not have consent to do what he did.

It would be extremely unwise to date this guy or to allow him to touch you again.

[Opinion Owner]

You should talk to someone like a parent or teacher about what happened.

The long and the short of it is that what he did is totally unacceptable, criminal behaviour and you are not responsible in any way if there are negative consequences for him as a result of you speaking out, which is absolutely what you should be doing.

[Guy13]

🤔, that’s not good unless you think it is.

[exitseven]

grab his butt.

[In_Trance]

What do you want to do?

[Asker]

I don’t know maybe pursue the relationship, but I don’t know how to do that.

[In_Trance]

He grabs your ass and you want to pursue a relationship?

Gnarly

[Asker]

No like I don’t know what I want to do okay sorry. Im only 15. I don’t know.

[Wise4myage]

Tell him you either liked or you didn't.

[Nuthouse]

What did he do exactly?

[Asker]

Grabbed my butt while hugging me

[Nuthouse]

How long?

[Asker]

Like 4 secs

[Nuthouse]

Did you like it?

[Asker]

Yeah I mean I don’t know. I was so shocked. I just keep thinking about it.

[Nuthouse]

Oh gotcha well I would go after it

[kareka]

He wanna make out with you

[kareka]

May you follow me?
I wanna talk to u more about it?

[Anonymous]

He likes you