Is my marine boyfriend just really busy or not interested in me anymore?

[Anonymous]

We’ve been dating since September and like this time he has been sent to a different European country for training. Last time he was gone for 3 weeks but the training wasn’t as intense as it is right now. This time he’s in a very cold and snowy country for 3 months to survive in extreme weather.

The first time we texted a lot but it was the beginning of our relationship. This time I barely hear from him.. the first few days we would talk at least everyday but now he answers maybe once every 3/4 days. However he comes online a lot and shares on Snapchat and Instagram.

Every time we do talk he complains how busy he is and how exhausted he is so I said: I don’t want you to feel obligated to text me, focus on the training. I don’t it to feel like you have to keep our conversation going to please me if you don’t want to. And he said: I don’t feel that way at all but it’s just that when I have some free time I just update my mom and then go relax and hang out with my colleagues. When we text he does ask me about me and my life or my projects. He texts me the same way he normally does but he disappears for a few days every time while I see him post or come online.

i definitely don’t wanna be that girl that demands all his free time and I think it’s an insecurity problem within me.. but my mind hops to conclusions saying: he’s bored with you. Ofc he has time to send a reply which won’t take more than 2 minutes of his time, but he simply doesn’t care about talking to you, not even once a day.

maybe I’m thinking too black and white but to me if you like some one sending a text is something you just want to do because you wanna hear from them.

what do you guys think? Am I overthinking it because he’s simply busy with this extreme survival training and enjoying time with his friends/colleagues abroad or am I just not interesting to him anymore?

note: we saw each other every day before he left. He said he was going to miss me and would not leave my side when he returns.

[Anonymous]

You're far too immature, selfish and inconsiderate to be involved with military. Take it from someone who was military and from a military family.

Do him a favor & when gets back, break up. Military NEEDS partners who can understand their career. Not whiners.

.

You're a whiner & here's why

1) You've only been involved for a short time. You're not a long time girlfriend. Nor thank god for him, his fiancé or wife.

That he even responds indicates he cares but he's BUSY. In a UNFORGIVING career. Undergoing TOUGH training. Do you comprehend? Or too inconsiderate to?

.

2) You said elsewhere you wanted it to be like before when he was texting you all the time. Before he was undergoing SIMPLE training & this is ADVANCED training.

He is TIRED both mentally and physically and he puts more thought to texting his family due to home sickness and because they are SUPPORTIVE. It is NEEDED so he can make this training.

You likely whined in one text about him not texting enough and he's like I DO NOT need your whining on top of everything.

[Anonymous]

Ok so I will say this. It really depends on what his MOS is. Certain jobs require them to be in the field a lot so they may not be able to communicate w you as well. It also depends on the time of day it is back where you are. When I was overseas I used to get up at 2 am just to talk to this girl back home who I was really crazy about. I was an infantry Marine, always training but didn’t stop me from messaging her, even losing sleep just to talk to her. Just because someone is in the service doesn’t mean we all do the same training. Now here’s the part you may not like but I have to be hie at. When I was deployed numerous times to places like Italy, Spain, Sicily, etc, there were a lot of women waiting for us to get off ship. Basically had a lot of options for meeting women. So he may have got caught up in that as well. I can’t really say what he’s going through as I don’t know what kind of unit he’s w. I just know I managed to get up in the middle of the night to go call the girl on a landline or email. Today’s methods of communication are 10 times better than what I had but I still managed to do it. Maybe he’s just really busy, but like I said I was in infantry, running around in the early morning hours playing war games in various country tries. Always made time for her. We trained a lot too, a lot. But we also went out and partied a lot. How old is he? First enlistment? What’s his job? Even if he really is being honest it has t been that long and you’re freaking out. This may not be the life for you.

[Asker]

I wish I could message you privately because a lot of that info I don’t wanna post publicly haha. We are from an European country too and right now he’s in one of the most northern countries above Europe covered in snow enduring snowstorms. Basically the training is about surviving in extreme weather. From learning to drive different vehicles on ice (sorry if I explain this incorrectly) to saving yourself and others when they fall through ice. Building shelters at night etc

[Opinion Owner]

How can I find you?

[Asker]

“ Overthinkinggmaybe” is my name here

[Opinion Owner]

One minute let me find you

[Opinion Owner]

Ok see if I was added to your profile name starts w a Y

[Asker]

Can you send me a message?

[Asker]

I followed you back but because my profile is new i cannot message you directly myself

[Opinion Owner]

I messaged you

[ShiftingMonke]

Were you with him through basic? If so, you should know that isolation from home life is part of training. It is supposed to help him focus on his brothers and build relationships there. He absolutely cares about you; so much that he trusts you to be there for him, meaning he can assure his mother that he is doing fine or take care of things that he thinks is less sure.

When soldiers or marines are deployed, if they worry about their spouses, it's because of Jodie. But if he's not asking about that, there's more proof that he trusts you implicitly. It's great and healthy. You are what he wants in life, you're the one he thinks about the most, and chances are other men in his unit are jealous that he's got someone like you back home. You aren't overreacting, there is just some things that you won't understand fully.

You're a caring and loving woman, he knows it, he just needs to show it a little better when he gets the chance to, that's all.

[Asker]

Wow thank you for your reply! I truly hope he does sees me like that..

I was not with him through basic and before he left he asked me if it bothered me that he would have to leave for so long and I said: I cannot be bothered or annoyed because you have to do something for your carrière, I’m just gonna miss you but you have to because it’s part of it. So I meant to say that I won’t have negative feelings about his obligations towards him. But I will miss him. He appreciated that so maybe he indeed trusts me that I don’t need his constant attention and I understand that he has to do what he has to do. Which I really truly do! It’s just the contrast with last time I think. But he indeed mentioned bonding with his brothers over there.

It makes sense that they don’t want them to focus on home instead of their training or mission. So thank you very much that explains a lot

[ShiftingMonke]

I'm glad that I can help.

Just be there for him, as you have been, and everything will work out. He's doing his part, and you're doing yours. In due time, he will be home, and this will be a silly memory.

[Asker]

Thank you <3

[Asker]

Can you maybe please message me? I apparently cannot start chats rn

[ShiftingMonke]

You're anonymous, I can't message you.

Wait, just a moment..

[kylee2437]

I think it doesn’t really matter. The bottom line is, is you currently aren’t getting what you want out of this relationship and you need to decide for yourself if this is what you truly want. You can openly confront him and ask him why his behaviors have changed, but you run the risk of bothering him because he is actually doing something that requires being away from his phone. The choice is yours.

[Asker]

It’s not so much that my needs aren’t met, but more the comparison with last time he went away for training. My insecurity wonders if it’s indeed the intensive training h this time Thanh caused his texting behavior to be different this time or of it’s because his feelings towards me have changed.

But another commenter pointed out that isolation from home is part of basic training for them to focus. Last time his tasks were much simpler while this time they have to survive through extreme cold weather… so it kinda does make sense.

[WindAtMyBack]

He's not supposed to be thinking about you. He's supposed to be thinking about his training.

What if it wasn't training? What if it was the real thing? What if he gets shot and killed because he was thinking about you instead of thinking about what he was supposed to be thinking of? He's not training for a casual walk down the sidewalk holding hands. He's training to kill and not be killed.

He's in the military. He has different priorities. You have to understand that this is not, and can't be, like other relationships.

[BCA6010]

Speaking from experience, even if he has down time, that doesn't necessarily mean that he has the opportunity to respond or reach out, especially when out in a training environment. Signals out there tend to be shoddy at best, and the charges for even a text message while roaming internationally can be extortionate.

[SnowedIn]

You're overthinking this. He is really busy and what little time he has he's investing in those things you mentioned.

You either trust him that he misses you and this is how he deals with it or not and break up with him. It isn't that you're not interesting to him any more.

[Mayo503]

Wow…. Sorry to hear that….
Well I say could be few answers and that’s up to you to decide you know where he is …. And the job he is doing….
So why are you thinking this way for…?
You got to ask yourself can you put up with his job…?
Or maybe your just lonely 😞 or you want to move on but you can’t because he isn’t around
Wow…. That’s a hard one
Feel for you….

[Asker]

Honestly I think it’s more my insecurities than him. If I think about it very rationally everything he says makes sense and if he didn’t want to talk he wouldn’t at all. It’s just me being afraid that I’m not good enough and people get tired of me at some point.

[Mayo503]

Only you know really ….
You know where he is…. You know what job he is doing…or training has you say….
So come on pull it together you can be there for him…. When ever he needs you….
Or you got to ask yourself do you want that…?

[MysticDevice]

With all due respect, I don't think you understand how stressful and chaotic the military is.

Let me preface by saying I've never been in it so even I don't fully understand either. However my friends and family have been/are in it. Its not a vacation or a cakewalk.

What little they've told me is enough to know if you're gonna date someone who's serving, you have to have the patience of a saint.

[Iron_Man]

What do you expect when you get involved with military people that are just starting out? It’s not like you’re a married couple. And you travel with him where ever he goes. Time will tell between you two.

[Asker]

Did you read the whole thing or just read the title and commented? I expected it to be kinda the same as last time he went away and I’m wondering if -since he comes online a lot- it’s just the intensity of his training that causes it or is it because he’s done with me that he won’t reply.

[Iron_Man]

Yes I did read it like I said time will tell between you two

[Asker]

I know that time will tell. But in the meantime I’m asking strangers their opinion on what they think is happening.. of course no one knows for sure and I will find out when time passes. But I wonder what people think when they read this. That’s what this platform is for right?

[Iron_Man]

I don’t want to give you false hope. I also don’t want to tell you negative things. I don’t know this guy at all. I have no idea what he’s thinking that’s why I said time will tell. 5 1/2 months it’s not long knowing him at all. How many times have you seen him in person?

[Asker]

Most days ever since we met. Like I said in the post we were together every day before he left. Before he left he said: we will need at least a whole month together 24/7 to make up for those 3 months. So the shift from wanted to be with me so much to not texting me for days made me insecure.

[Iron_Man]

I understand you will just have to wait it out and stay positive

[Exterminatore]

The type of training he’s going through sounds extreme. He probably avoids talking when he’s rundown, tired, cranky, and pissed. He’s got a lot going on. Give him some slack.

[Anonymous]

Being with a guy in the military is a way of life. U must know that his military life comes first before anything. Everywhere the guys stop, they go to a bar and live it up.
So it’s up to you if you want that type of a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Dating Doctors are way better and they get paid way better now because of the pandemic then so called hazard pay those soldier boys gets.

[In_Trance]

move on