What does it mean when a man says he is "done"?

[Anonymous]

Context for the given question: my fiancé and I brought my 3 kids to Florida last week. We rented a vehicle (in his name). Everything was going fine up until last night. He has an extreme habit of hurting himself. The guy is always in pain somehow. Twisting his ankle, fucking up his shoulder from doing the bare minimum, etc. He gets hurt at least 8+ times a day. He truly just hurts easily.

Well last night he once again hurt himself while cleaning out his ears. He starts saying "ow" but continues cleaning out his ears despite being in pain. Anyways, he ends up getting pissed, throwing his clothes on and taking off at 12:30am (right after cleaning his ears). I call him around 1:30am and ask where he is. He tells me he is sitting in a parking lot pissed off because "you don't even fucking care enough to ask me if I'm okay when you clearly hear me in pain" and used this as an intro to another issue, where he claims it happens all the time. He says he is "fucking done" at this point. It may be important to note that I literally just announced to my family that we are pregnant and this is his first biological child. But regardless, I basically tell him I'm not going to play the mind games. Telling me you are done right after we announce our pregnancy is not something I will be able to look over and told him to drop everything off at the air bnb that I had in the vehicle and that me and my kids would find our own way home. But then he tries pulling the "you bossing me around because I said I'm done? It's a fucking word."

Thoughts? He's still not here. Hasn't come back.

[WaterIsland]

He needs to grow up for sure. Yeah, it’s a word, but yelling “fire” in a crowded theater isn’t acceptable either and has consequences. Words are powerful, and he needs to realize that what he says matters.



But it’s not even that. It’s his entire attitude. He is throwing a temper tantrum like a child over hurting himself? Give me a break. He needs to grow up and start taking ownership. He doesn’t like getting hurt so much? Maybe he needs to slow down a bit and start acting with purpose.


I think in this context, him saying he is “done” could be one of two things. Either he is done and he wants out of the relationship. He can’t take the pressure of life anymore, and he wants out. OR he is just overwhelmed, pissed off in the moment, and needs time to cool down. I tend to lean towards him just being pissed off in the moment. However I could be wrong. And regardless, it’s really immature and childish by him.


It sounds like you also attempted to set boundaries and wouldn’t put up with his behavior. That is really great. Stay true to yourself, and continue to set those boundaries and expectations. There is a practical side of relationships where we can’t just get blinded by our love. We have to be willing to stand our ground and do what is best for us. Because that’s the only way to let the love truly flourish.


If I were you, I’d remember a few things about moving forward here. First of all, don’t sweep this under the rug, and don’t let him sweep it under the rug. It’s fine to need time to cool down, but you both have to sit down, address this, and have a level headed mature conversation. Next, you need to strike a balance between being sympathetic, but also getting your feelings and thoughts across. So be sure to listen to him and how he feels. Be sympathetic. But also express your feelings. Do your best to not have it become a blame game that just escalates. That won’t be productive. Your goal (I’m assuming) here is to get on the same page, to avoid this type of conflict in the future. And having that conversation be emotional or angry or heated, won’t help you to achieve that goal.


Finally. I’d really dig into if there is something else behind his outburst. Is your pregnancy scaring him or overwhelming and he doesn’t know how to handle it? Or won’t admit it? Guys sometimes don’t like to admit that they are scared or overwhelmed. And can get angry when those emotions occur as a release mechanism. It’s not cool, but with some guys it happens. And he needs to find another mechanism for dealing with those emotions.

[sunflower00]

^ Everything here is great advice!

My partner acts like this sometimes. It’s important not to accept the behaviour and let it slide from my experience. I did that for way too long, things got worse, and I felt I had to apologise for everything and every little thing I did wasn’t right. His outbursts and anger got worse and worse and he recently made 3 holes in the wall & furniture and broke an item in the house. This is what happens when you let people treat you however they like and apologise when you haven’t done anything wrong.

[WaterIsland]

@sunflower00 Yep exactly. Boundaries and limits are good and healthy. It provides the other person with clarity, and allows the relationship to stay healthy in the long term.

I know any girlfriend I have, I feel a lot better when I understand her perspective. I don’t ever want her to be mad at me or have feelings that I’m unaware about. So communication and setting boundaries is actually really healthy.

[misogynistic_pig]

The meaning of the phrase "I'm done" can vary depending on the context in which it is used.

In general, it can be interpreted as a sign that a situation has come to an end and that the man in question is not willing to continue with it.

For example, if a man is in a relationship and says "I'm done", it probably means that he wants to end the relationship and he doesn't want to continue it.

In other contexts, such as a job or project, it can mean that the man has completed his task or that he is not willing to continue working on the project.

In any case, if a man says "I'm done", it's important to respect his decision and seek to clear up any doubts or misunderstandings that may have arisen.

If it is a relationship, it is important to have an open and honest conversation to understand the reasons behind his decision and find a solution that is satisfactory to both parties.

[SomeRandomGuy89]

Get the dude into see a doctor. It's not normal getting hurt that easily. Maybe he has brittle bones or a nerve sensitivity issue. Or maybe it's all in his head. I don't know.

Ether way, a doctor should be where you go.

Oh, and you both need physiologists. Your own person psychologist and then a relationship psychologist on the side if you're actually interested in making that work out. There is no shame in it.

[Anonymous]

I suspect we would get a different story if we got his side to all of this. Your comments about him hurting himself 8+ times a day and the words you chose show you don't respect him, and I suspect he feels that from you and that is what is driving some or all of his issues with you. I can only imagine your reaction when he hurt his ear, and I'm sure that's what he's done with.

[Asker]

No, you wouldn't get a different story from him. I spoke to him about this after I posted this and he quite literally told me he intentionally acts like he is in pain to get me to dote on and swoon over him because he wants attention and doesn't know how to ask for it. So instead of communicating like a man he finds ways to manipulate the situation.

[Opinion Owner]

Sure he did, lol

[In_Trance]

you dunno what "done" means?

[Asker]

Oh, I didn't realize I was talking to individuals too incompetent to read, so I will dumb it down a bit. Man says he is done, after accusing me of not caring. Man then flips out and says it's just a word after I say I'm not playing mind games. Therefore, man says he is done with me- as in breaking up- then doubles down and says it's just a word. Therefore claiming he didn't mean "done" as breaking up but clearly meant something else. Simple enough for you to understand now?