I assaulted my wife. Barring order, I'm up in court. It's now time to recognise the relationship is finished?

[Anonymous]

At the time I was drunk and angry. But for effect I threatened her. In the drunken melee she had slight scratches. Photos look bad.
My question, I was hoping us to have conversation.
There is a barring order
She doesn't seem to care about conversation
Maybe it's because we are barred from having contact.

Updates

1 y

She reported it to policeDoes that mean we are now bitter enemies? I'm only realising it now. And if she withdraws her complaint the case might proceed without get anyway. I accept what I did was wrongAnd she was entitled to go to police

Updates

1 y

20 years of marriage and I was committedI'm still committedSomething was not rightThere was an explosion of angerI'm not ready yet to walk away

[lightbulb27]

That's a lot of detail but not enough to answer. What was it like before all this and what was going on.

I can only say maybe. But if you cannot communicate then it's hard to patch up.

Note that life is not fair, I know of cases the wife abused the husband and they arrested the husband. I think it is healthy and good you see and admit to your fault. I think it's more healthy to diagnose what was going on... why you drink and how to stop, what was driving you to the edge and how to manage that.

There's a lot of life improvement you can get out of this if you milk the value out and change accordingly. All the drugs are just a mask to hold you in place in some sick state or numb it. Remove them and see what you are really like.

[lightbulb27]

That's not unreasonable to blow up, you are human. Was she picking on you? Are you not handling your emotions and stress well?
For sure, drop the depressant drugs (alcohol)... never again.
All you can do is go forward, by improving yourself, understanding, understanding her. "She" is not hormonally stable, if that can be a factor. You may have your own issues you can improve emotionally, communication, etc.
Experience: I broke a glass table into pieces when I finally blew one day. When I'd get that mad, it was always around PMS time, the emotional stuff wore me thin. I handle it better now, it still hurts, but it's like a storm I guess. I and I suspect some men don't handle emotional challenge as well. There should be more support for men... all we get is "you can't do that". we'll, yea but they can attack us emotionally and it's not a crime. I've seen this with other men. It's good most time though, it's opportunity to improve yourself.

[razelove]

Well, it's more that regardless of intent you can't take actions and their consequences back. No matter what, it's a tough sell to make her feel safe with you again, though I wouldn't call it a drunk melee if it involved slight scratches.
That's more commonly called battery rather than assault. The difference is pretty large, like you're probably up on misdemeanor charges, some community service, probation, and woke up in a shared holding cell rather than a big boy solo felony holding cell, because you're likely not going to get bail.
Anyway, get ready for court and most likely a divorce, it'd be like if she got drunk, then slipped onto another guy's dick on accident. It can't be undone, though you wish it wouldn't have happened.

[Msputiton]

The moment a dude becomes violent with me, it's done.

I would never put my hands on my partner out of violence and would never stay with someone who did that to me.

And she probably feels the same

[Anonymous]

Leave her alone. You clearly didn’t love her, so just let her be.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. You are responsble for what you say and do when you are drunk.

2. For effect, you threatened her. Apparently, it was very effective. Congratulations!

3. "Photos look bad" means it was worse that you are willing to admit.

4. Why ITF shoud she talk to you now? Because YOU want to talk? Obviously, she doesn't want to talk and that's the end of that story.

5. Go find an attorney to represent you in the divorce, then check into rehab!

[Anonymous]

I genuinely want to understand people who happen to do this. How can you threaten your own fucking wife?

[KrakenAttackin]

Any woman who calls the police on you should forever be barred from your life. Fuck her.

[Anonymous]

Don’t go near her.

[Asker]

Yes. You are right. Solicitors say same. I would be in deep trouble.

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly, you really screwed up and need to respect she has no interest in even being near you right now, let alone talking. I suggest you seek professional help if you haven’t already.

[Opinion Owner]

With your update it Seems like you’re drunk or drinking right now and you need to get help.

[Asker]

You are correct

I am getting help

I must recognise it's probably over

And I must start to move on

Handle the court case

And move on with separate lives

[Asker]

Update... That is just the formatting