Guys, should I attend an event that the guy I friendzoned will be at?

[Anonymous]

I recently friendzoned a guy that I really like. The reason is because we went on this whirlwind romance the moment we met and things got sexual too quickly. He also just broke up with his girlfriend a month prior to us meeting and I did NOT want to be a rebound chick and get my heartbroken.

I wanted to take a step back and get to know each other better but he either takes a day to respond to my text messages now. I haven’t heard from him since my last text to him, which was 5 days ago. The week I friendzoned him we were super friendly over text, sending hug emojis and funny memes and videos to each other. But now it’s silence from him.

A few weeks ago, I RSVPd to two separate events on the same day coming up next weekend (one in the afternoon, one in the evening). I saw that he is also attending the same events now. It’s an app where you can see who RSVPd and when they RSVPd. He RSVPd after I did and I’m thinking about not attending the events because I’m terrified of seeing him. I think it could be very awkward. I’m also embarrassed and hurt because he didn’t return my last text but understand that he owes me nothing.

I genuinely care about him, even though I noticed red flags on the first night we met and thereafter. He’s extremely arrogant and condescending to be honest. I tend to see the good in people though and he does have some good qualities too.

Anyways, do you think I should attend the events? Also, do you think it just a coincidence that he RSVPd to both of those events or does he just really want to attend?

If you think I should go, how do mentally prepare myself to see him and not make it weird and awkward?

Cheers.

[spartan55]

Wow, you are handling the situation with him about as poorly as possible. You can't figure out why he isn't talking to you now, really?

[Asker]

How do you think I should handle it?

[Asker]

I don’t have a ton of experience with relationships with men that I actually like 😭 because I haven’t date much.

[spartan55]

So, you said he is condescending and arrogant... but you like him?

[Asker]

Yes, I know 😭. It’s pretty pathetic on my part, I must admit. He had a way of making me feel like crap, that’s the other reason I friendzoned him because I wanted my feelings for him to go away. I’m working with a relationship coach now to work through some of my issues.

[spartan55]

Your first mistake was feiendzoning him. No guy wants to be your friend, especially after you've had sex with him. I kind of understand why you did it, but you could have achieved the same goal (protecting yourself) by slowing things down and being diligent about getting to know the guy. He doesn't want to be your buddy. That's why you aren't hearing from him.

[spartan55]

Are you really 36-45?

[Asker]

Thank you for your reply. I appreciate it.

[spartan55]

Okay, so where are you at with your feelings about him now?

[spartan55]

Relationship coach... is that helping you? Hopefully it is.

[Asker]

Yes, I’m in the 36 to 45 age range. I’ve only had one serious boyfriend in my life, that was at 16 years old. Most of the others were “flings”. But I’m ready to settle down and find true love.

[Asker]

I do still have feelings for him but they are slowly fading.

[spartan55]

Okay, pretty unusual, but not unheard of. I didn't forget your original question, I'm just trying to paint a picture. And... my advice is free. 😁

[spartan55]

Are they fading because you aren't spending time with him now? How much were you seeing him before?

[Asker]

Sure, I understand! My feelings are fading away a bit because I’m not seeing him as much and most people are warning me that he could possibly be a narcissist. I grew up with a narcissistic father and it totally messed with me. I’m trying to make better decisions when it comes to men. I’ve always been terrified of commitment, but am more ready now 😊

[spartan55]

Commitment is something that has far more positives than negatives. Is their risk? Of course, but the reward is a relationship with someone who loves you.

[Asker]

So true, I’m starting to realize that now 😊 Someone told me that if this guy is a narcissist, he will have no room in his heart to truly love me. I want to fall in love now and be in a relationship, not a situationship.

[spartan55]

Situationships are fucking stupid. You are either in or out. So is the 'talking stage'... drives me nuts.

[Asker]

Yes they are 😌 I agree with you 100%

[Asker]

I felt like he was never IN, because things took off too fast and got sexual quickly. That was my first mistake. I felt there was no recovering from that, with this particular “situation”.

[spartan55]

Don't get hung up on the 'narcissist' label. It may or may not be the case with this guy but the term has become the most overused and misapplied psychology buzzword in my lifetime. (that and toxic)

[Asker]

Good point, thank you 😊

[spartan55]

Yeah, once that horse is out of the barn (sex) things change. At my age I won't wait too long for sex. But I certainly don't expect it immediately.

[Asker]

I screwed up by having sex too soon with this guy. The physical chemistry between us was off the charts. It was instant attraction and admiration. I feel this is a learning lesson for me and I’ll have to do things better the next time around.

[spartan55]

I don't think this guy sounds right for you. It sounds like you've learned some things though. Remember: guys aren't interested in being friends unless they are gay or in a committed relationship.

[Asker]

Ok understand 😊 Thank you so much for your thoughtful insight!!

[spartan55]

As far as the event? Go and have fun. Him rsvping after you means nothing don't overthink that. I'd suggest just casually saying hello and try a little small talk with him. $100 says he gets uncomfortable but doesn't suggest seeing you soon/more.

[spartan55]

You are welcome. If you need any more help with anything else feel free to message me.

[Asker]

Ok, I’ll most likely attend. He probably just wants to get out and have fun too. It was only a matter of time before we run into each other.

[Asker]

Will do! Thank you 😊

[spartan55]

Sure thing, good luck!

[Asker]

He actually texted me back earlier tonight, after almost a week. I haven’t responded yet because I don’t want to screw it up. He said he was on a mini vacation.

[spartan55]

Thanks for the MHO!

[Asker]

Sure thing!! 😊

[spartan55]

So was presenting like an excuse? Or...

[Asker]

He said he was sorry he didn’t respond sooner and that he was out of town on a mini vacay.

[spartan55]

Do you believe him?

[Asker]

I’m not sure I do, to be honest. I don’t even know why he even responds anymore. If he doesn’t like me or doesn’t want to be friends, then maybe he shouldn’t text me anymore. I’m not going to reach out to him again. I’ll just be cordial when I see him next week at the event.

[spartan55]

If it were me, and I was interested the first thing I would have done is ask you out. You know when a guy likes you. There is no ambiguity

[Asker]

So, true 😔 It’s hard to hear but I needed to hear it. Thank you.

[Asker]

I want to cut contact with him because it’s making me sad.

[Asker]

I know you’re pretty busy. Would you mind if asked you a few questions over DM? I don’t have enough “points” on here to message you privately.

[spartan55]

Sure, no problem.

[Asker]

Ok, thank you! I think you’ll have to DM me first. It won’t let me message you.

[spartan55]

I can't DM you when you are anonymous

[Asker]

Oh, I wonder if there’s a way to remove “anonymous”, so I can message you?

[spartan55]

No, I don't think so

[Asker]

What if I left my username here?

[spartan55]

If you'd like.

[Asker]

Sure! It’s: ladyglam

[strateguy632]

go, do not restrain yourself from the fun. as preparation remind yourself an example of his condescending.

[Asker]

Thank you.

[Wise4myage]

Sure, I don't see why not?

[Asker]

Thank you.

[Wise4myage]

You're welcome. :)