How do I confront my boyfriend for misunderstanding me without him doing it again?

[Anonymous]

I thought he didn’t love me and I reached a conclusion because of the circumstances in our relationship and how things seemed. But I was open with him about it and began to see that there was more to it. There is so much to explain so I will simply say that in order to fully understand each other and the situation you would have to understand the context of our lives. I listened to him and felt that I may have misunderstood him as well. My biggest issue was that I thought that he did not love me, but I started to believe that I was mistaken. So now I feel that he does love me, but he takes a lot of my issues out of context which makes me feel ignored, unheard, or minuscule in his eyes. I had previously felt that if he loved me he would quickly solve every issue instead of misunderstanding why I had an issue or what that issue even was. But I notice that he will listen to me make a statement and disregard the elements that led me to make that statement, or the circumstances in which I reached that conclusion and ultimately that would result in him misunderstanding my intentions or the actual meaning behind whatever it is that I was saying. I noticed that he does it a lot not just with me but with others as well. I consider asking if anybody has ever confronted him with this issue because he does it to everybody so I’m unsure if I would be telling him a perspective he has never heard about himself or something he has been told before. I want to tell him that he needs to look at the WHOLE situation and then assess things from a place of understanding the bigger picture instead of hyper-focusing on the statements he doesn’t like because he could actually grow and learn if he were more willing to listen instead of speak. But since he does this, I’m skeptical about whether he will actually internalize/reflect on that information, or if he will do the same thing he normally does and take my words out of context. So how do I approach this conversation?

[Anonymous]

“More willing” is the key element here — he’s got to be willing and ready to fix it, but that won’t happen if he doesn’t see a problem the way that you do.
I agree with looking at the situation in its entirety before drawing a conclusion, but that’s just not his way of operating. Like, you can’t talk him into internalizing or properly navigating your way of thinking when he has his own way. It sounds like he kinda hones in on what he thinks is the most important aspect of your issue (or others, since you said he does this to everyone), and that’s what he addresses. The important factors get disregarded by choice.
I wish I had something more helpful, but some men are just super stubborn. You see it on this site often, men having such strange, dismissive views on a woman’s mind and how it works. They’ll gaslight the hell out of us before admitting they were wrong. It’s like pulling teeth. I could suggest you keep trying and maybe he will see the light one day, but you have to remember, he’s spent his whole entire life becoming the person he is now. This is how his brain works, and I think you will always clash heads about it, unfortunately.