I feel like I can't fully trust him bcs he shows me one thing, but it's usually something else?

[Anonymous]

I am trying my best to work on my trust issues. I've started therapy and I'm working through it but sometimes my boyfriend really does not help, at all. I feel like he does things behind my back so I don't overthink them and get hurt, but then as I see them happening or know they've happened I feel hurt either way. Prolly more because he wouldn't have shown me it was happening. I'll give an example, we work part time at the same place (it is where we met). When I am around he barely talks to other females but then I see him following people on Instagram and I start to question it all? Like, in front of my eyes you barely talk to that person or show that you are on that level with one another, but then you go ahead and follow their main profile and photography one on Instagram? I have no problem with him talking to other females in front of me, all that matters is that he's respectful towards me. I really don't want him to be acting different when I'm around and when I'm not. It makes me question him even more. Another example is when once I overheard his conversation with another female coworker and I was shook because the way they were speaking, it sounded as if they talk talk and I was left feeling stupid for not knowing they actually get along. Like please talk to other females, JUST DON'T HIDE IT FROM ME. It makes me overthink so much. Even at his full-time work, when his workmate is sick or away and a replacement comes, I've noticed that whenever it's a female he talks in plural just so he doesn't use any specific pronouns and even though he probably does this to not make me overthink things, that is exactly what he is doing.

[ohsheeT]

Ok so how long do you want to go through this

How long do you want to have this feeling

No matter what your boyfriend does no matter what he makes you feel

The words again no matter what he makes you feel

You are the only person in this world it can make you feel anything you are the only person in the inside of you that can make you feel happy sad not sure to use your mind to overthink okay so what I'm trying to say

When these thoughts come up

You have to ask yourself okay why do I feel this why do I feel this way

Has he given you reason
Has he done something before and you have forgiven him

If the answer is yes then you have no trust for him if you have no trust for anybody or for him then you do not respect him because your mind is always thinking what if what if what if and to be honest with you that is no way to live that is no way to live

You should be able to walk right past him when he's talking to a girl and know that everything is going to be all right because you have that trust for him you have that respect for him because he has that same respect and trust for you if you don't have that if he doesn't have that then you guys should not be together

That is what a relationship is all about is when you can do and say that about your partner

But if you don't know that about your partner you need to communicated to him and say look this makes me feel this way I don't know why I'm sorry but it does and it makes me uncomfortable and he needs to say to you okay I understand now and I apologize I do I understand I apologize you don't have to worry about anything I'm with you I will always be with you I love you and he needs to make you feel that if he cannot make you feel that then he does not care and you need to walk away there's no need for you to give up your life because that's what you're doing when you have something eating at you each and every day and night it's no way to live it's no way to be you cannot keep doing that so confront him and go from there

Okay so now that I've said all the above understand something in any relationship I don't care who you are I don't care for how much time you've had in this relationship I don't care how many times the person says I love you

There are no guarantees in the blink of an eye that person can change

And once you accept that you have to accept it first of all once you accept it and you say okay I'm going to hand you all my trust I'm going to hand you all my love I'm going to do whatever it takes for me to love you and I can prove it to you by the things that I do and say

And that's all you can do is be the best person you can be for that person to show him trust respect and how much you love him by believing in him and hopefully he will do the same thing for you if he cannot do the same thing and you do not feel that trust love and respect then you have to walk away

Because anybody that truly loves you is going to do the exact same thing that you're doing you don't own anybody nobody owns you they can mess up at any moment in time and that's when you have to be strong enough to say you know what goodbye don't hang on to somebody because that's the only person in the world you think you have because it's not
You only hang on to that person because they show you that trust and respect and give you no reason whatsoever to not believe in to not trust them

[Bpet22]

Omg... I have the same issue. We work together too... I. know he is talking to a female coworker when im not around, but when im with him... he barely greets her. What the hell dude?

Tell me what happened by the way you too...