Been with my boyfriend nearly 5 months now when we first started we used text on and off the first couple of months and now he can go 24 hours without contact, he works for an airline
I have had a lot going on the last 15 months, my husband died last April, my mums sick, lost, had my dog put down, got ill, had an operation now I have the most terrible menopause
my partner has been so supportive with everything right from day one a week before we started I got ill
recently he has had lots going on too, i yesterday had the most awful menopause symptoms I was really bad once my treatment starts working it will be better
I text him when he was working telling him about it, I was really scared yesterday I hope he isn’t changing his mind about us
he said he wants to marry me in the future, he has been amazing even when I spoke to him a couple of days ago he was extremely sweet when I told him I was bad
The menopause is definitely making things worse it doesn’t mean he is going off me because he didn’t reply back?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
Okay so a couple things here.
One, and I cannot stress this enough, unless you are in an LDR, then text less. The goal is to gradually move your relationship from the phone to in person. Big or important news and conversations should not be sent through text If you can help it.
Second, pay attention to the red flags. This is only the beginning of a brand new relationship, and his actions at this time are very telling. We are all adults and can both understand/respect busy schedules, but going a full day without talking? There’s absolutely no reason why within 24 hours he has not a moment to check in. Long flights make stops, none are a full day without pause. He can spare a second to check in, so the fact that it isn’t a priority is strange, but not uncommon if he isn’t actually a consistent person and that’s just who he was in the beginning.
3rd, always be mentally ready to do what you need to do. You’ve experienced some real loss, pain, and trauma in such a short amount of time, and I think ultimately you just want a loving partner there to hold your hand through all of this. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if this is one of those things where he’s not actually the man you thought he was and instead you were just experiencing the honeymoon phase, then don’t get so gung-ho on being with someone, you’d rather dig your nails in deeper than let it go. You should be able to make the hard choices you’d advise your loved ones to walk away from as well.
All this to say, I’m not telling you to flat out end your relationship over a bump in the road. Of course you should communicate with him, tell him you don’t wanna go full days without talking, and be sure your boundaries are in place. My advice mainly regards the fear you have surrounding him “leaving you”, and not to navigate new relationships hanging on tighter than he is. Don’t feed into the fantasies and promises (like marriage) too soon, you should know better than to set your expectations so high this early in. Take it a day at a time and if this doesn’t work, you have been through way worse and will get through this.
Thank you for replying back to me, when i married my husband we got engaged after three months and were married for 22 years, my boyfriend has been so supportive over everything , he came to the hospital on the day of the surgery for a few hours, he gave me a commitment ring too,
Losing my husband was the worst day of my life, I do want someone to go through the rest of this with I can’t do it alone
My boyfriend has a lot of big problems at the moment which is when this started he has reached out to me talking for an hour and a half about things I can see in his eyes the love,
I’m going to ask him to text me again like he did
Two weeks ago we text all day on and off I think he forgets at work he does 12-14 hour shifts
I do love him very much he said we have something very special, I wish I was more confident he works 4-5 days I do see him 2 twice a week,
My sister loves him, he treats her like a sister,
Since having the hysterectomy I have been pushed into the menopause which is heightening everything
Thank you for your advice
No worries hun, and don’t get me wrong, it’s great that he’s been supportive and done the things he’s done. But you have to remember that not every relationship will be the same, because not every man is the same. You and your husband getting married so soon and lasting for 22 years is absolutely amazing, it’s rare to hear of that these days. However, having that expectation in this relationship (or any other one if this doesn’t work) may ultimately set you up for failure, as it will prevent you from making the hard choices. Same as telling yourself that you can’t do this alone: you’re not ever alone when you have people who love you, like your mother and sister.
So at this juncture, I think (and hope) a conversation with him about communicating more will suffice, and if he’s serious about the relationship he will right this wrong without another word going forward. My sentiments are mainly to prioritize your well-being and peace of mind, not sacrificing them. That means being able to make the hard choices if it were to reach that crossroad.
Be honest with him and let him know what you want in a relationship and why. Just be nice and friendly about it. I am the worst texter when I am busy or have a lot going on.
Yeah, texting is number one way to determine the health of a relationship. So stupid...