A coworker wants “friends with benefits, exclusive and with feelings but not relationship”?

[Anonymous]

Which sounds like a relationship….
he said he doesn’t want to be with anyone else and will be loyal to me- exclusive

He said he cares for me and will keep caring for me. He said if feelings develop, we will cross that bridge when we get there.

This just sounds like the beginning of any relationship to me?
But then he said no strings. And I responded, exclusively being with each other and being open to falling in love are both strings. He didn’t have an answer to that.

Am I crazy? Does he just not want the pressure of calling it dating?
Frankly, sex is easy to get, if I wanted casual sex with no feelings I would pick someone I’m not likely to see everyday indefinitely.

[Finchie40]

FWB’s is good if you are both on the same page as things , if not it’s just a waste of time , it basically means you are both not trying to rush into a relationship and you are both open to meeting someone else , but you both only have sex with each other unless one of you meets someone else that you want to have sex with, If you meet someone else that you want to have sex with , then you both agree to end the benefits part between you both , and just remain friends. , I have been in a few FWB’s agreements and the only way I agreed to it was the way I explained to you. above, I am not the type of guy that runs around sticking my dick into random girls , and I don’t want to be with a girl that is spreading her legs for different guys , to me it’s dirty and degrading , so yes there are some strings attached basically j promising each other you will both only have sex with each other but open to dating others , if one of you meets someone else along the way that you want to be intimate with then you both agree to end the benefits part together , Did I make sense lol

[ProbablyClueless]

Girl, you would have to be absolutely nuts to take him up on that.
1. He's a coworker, and it is NEVER a good idea to get romantically involved with a coworker anyway.
2. He only wants friends with benefits because he's not planning on giving you anything more. People who respect each other aren't worried about the "pressure" of labels. That's bull.
3. He has no plans on being exclusive with you, he's just telling you his expectation of you.

[Asker]

Right?
Like if he was saying out and out he wants a relationship- sex, feelings, exclusive
That’s one thing, but he’s still a coworker.
I do not want to be a place holder

[ProbablyClueless]

I wouldn't want to be a placeholder either. A person like your coworker is going to be constantly pushing boundaries and constantly calling the expectations of the relationship into question whenever it suits his interest.

You aren't going to be given that same freedom. I wouldn't go into that arrangement like that in a million years.

[sheikalana]

Terrible idea. I don't advise anyone to get involved with coworkers.

[HelpfulWoman]

red flag red flag. Keep him far from your personal life.

[Asker]

All the red flags. It doesn’t make any sense to me

[TheSpaceGnome]

"friends with benefits, exclusive and with feelings"
"Which sounds like a relationship…."

Thats because it is.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I would like to point out, that this is what people should be doing in relationships, not focusing on what the person brings to the table, but rather being best friends who have the same hobbies and interests and love eachother and fuck/kiss/etc. exclusively.

[Asker]

Right but wouldn’t that be the point? To be in a relationship he says “we will see what grows beautifully and organically between us”
But to me that makes me feel like just a placeholder or not someone he takes seriously. But instead he is lonely. As opposed to someone who’s company he wants long term

[spartan55]

No, no, no... lol that guy is just throwing his dream scenario against the wall and seeing if you'll buy it. Exclusive but no strings? Lol na dude that ain't how it works. Don't do it.

[Asker]

You should have seen the look on my face! The whole conversation was a contradiction

[spartan55]

That's pretty insulting to your intelligence. He, thought he would just try to slide it by you. You should have been a smart ass..."Wow Brian, what a great deal! For you.

[AviatorTom]

That sounds like dating. A true friends with benefits is not exclusive, and there are no feelings. Just enjoyable sex.

You might want to avoid this. But it's your choice.

[Asker]

When he first started talking it sounded like he was asking me to be his girl friend, then it sounded like he wanted to be just casual, and it just kept going back and forth.
I don’t think he knows what he wants, or maybe he’s scared of getting hurt so calling it friends with benefits makes him feel safer. I don’t know

[spartan55]

@asker
He ain't "afraid of getting hurt". 🙄... he wants free 🥧 pie.

[236color]

Sounds like he wants a pass to dump you if someone he perceives as "better" comes along. Your choice, but I wouldn't put up with it.

[Asker]

That’s how it feels to me too. A placeholder

[In_Trance]

this is a shit show. move on

[Anonymous]

Just say NO!

[Asker]

That’s what I have done, I basically explained it as I did here. No response yet 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just don’t get his logic

[Opinion Owner]

Don’t waste time thinking about his logic.

[Asker]

Haha girls can’t help trying to figure it out

[Opinion Owner]

I know! 😂

[Asker]

So just give me the answer!!! 😂😂😂

[Opinion Owner]

I did?

[Asker]

Haha no I mean the answer of what he is thinking. I know my answer

[Opinion Owner]

I have no idea.

[spartan55]

@asker
Why tf does it matter what he is thinking. It changes nothing.