I asked for his phone passcode and he said no?

[Anonymous]

Me and my boyfriend were playing around and he took my phone because I was playing on it a lot and put it in an area I couldn’t reach. In response I took his phone and was holding it then I asked for his passwords and he said no. I asked again, he would not give it to me. Later I asked why a few times and he gave me a different reason each time:
1. the first time he said he had a surprise he didn’t want me to see
2. the second time he asked for my passcode, when I told him he said his quickly and when I said I thought it was weird that he didn’t just say it the first time he stuttered a lot and eventually said he didn’t know it would impact me (and that it’s not normal for a girlfriend to be impacted by something like that) and that he said no out of habit

This is coming some time after for my birthday he put me on his close friend story saying happy birthday and when I asked why he said he wanted to keep his life and good things private.

What do you guys think?

Updates

7 mo

Okay I just reread the question and realized I typed “passwords”. I meant I asked for his phone passcode. That’s one singular password not multiple passwords. If this changes your answer let me know.

[RomanticDan]

I basically agree with what other are saying. If he has given you a reason to not trust him then you may be suspicious. If he hasn't then no big deal. Both parties need privacy and boundaries. At the end of the day, if you two can't talk about your feelings effectively then the relationship is heading down the wrong path and you need to get off the trail. Work on yourself/improve yourself and only then start trekking again. I feel like this can be resolved in a simple conversation if the two of you was already communicating with each other well and openly. You wouldn't be posting on this forum if that was the case.

Additionally, If you guys are not communicating well or openly about issues and you sense that either you or him may have some trust issues, it is time for one of you guys to depart from each other. Don't waste your time in a relationship if your intent is to get married some day. If you don't intend to get married, this does not apply. Date as many men as you want but I personally don't recommend that. You get desensitized and it becomes harder and harder to love someone after each failed relationship.

[summiter]

I guess it depends on how close you two are and how well you trust each other. Has he seen ur phone? How old is he? Are you two sexually involved?

[_Maya_]

Don't ask for it. It's none of your business. That screams insecure. Is he not allowed any sort of privacy with you? Do you give him full control and access over your life? Sounds like you don't trust him or are very insecure with your relationship. If you can't trust him your relationship is screwed. Has he ever given you a reason not to trust him? If no then let him have his privacy like anyone would want. I'm sure you have passwords to things that he doesn't know what they are.

[Asker]

He has literally asked me to show him my recently deleted conversations one time. This is the only time I’ve ever asked for something like that and it wasn’t to look through this phone it was just to see if he’d give it.

[Asker]

Don’t take things so seriously, but to me it is strange. Especially since this lines up with the close friend story.

[_Maya_]

Take a look at every opinion so far. We all said the same thing.

[Asker]

Yeah and don’t get me wrong I appreciate your response I just think it’s exaggerated and you’re making too many statements without understanding the context of the situation.

[Asker]

1) we had this conversation before, he said he would be okay with such a thing and I agreed. 2) he has done something like this before. 3) this doesn’t mean i’m asking for full control over his life or that he can’t have any privacy, that’s where you’re exaggerating things. I don’t see asking for a phone passcode is equivalent to that at all. If I were to go through his entire phone periodically come for me then.

[ScisorsAndRaisins]

She doesn't want to hear the truth. This is a waste of time.

[cnj421]

I would never ask for someone’s passcode. The only reason people do that is if they are already suspicious and know something is up. And if you have to ask for that, then you should break up with them.

[Asker]

They are a bit suspicious because of the close friend story. But that wasn’t the reason I asked. I asked to see how he would respond.

[cnj421]

So you asked to test him? Even worse. No wonder he wouldn’t tell you. Asking to see how he would respond is petty and manipulative. It shows you don’t trust him.

[Asker]

Well I mean yeah I wasn’t actually going to go through his phone or anything. If you see that as “testing” and you see that as “petty” or “manipulative” then that’s just what you’re used to. I’ve seen some relationships where they work by allowing each other to be loose with that kind of thing and others where it’s solely based on trust and privacy. Every relationship has a condition for this that works for them and we already agreed that we would be okay with that kind of thing. There’s a spectrum of comfort for different people and different relationships. It’s actually pretty childish to demonize one’s lifestyle just because it isn’t similar to yours.

[Asker]

Some couples are okay with each other using each other’s phone, others like keeping everything separate and protected. I don’t have a personal preference, but as I already said me and him agreed to us being more on the comfortable side with that so yeah this took me as a surprise and I do see your response as a bit immature.

[Asker]

and ignorant of how other things work

[butterly248]

Didn't u ask this before? But I got into his phone? I maybe getting mixed up with another question lol

[Asker]

Haha there was another question like this? That definitely wasn’t me but I hope that person is alright 😂

[butterly248]

I so as we'll lol

[Anonymous]

You should not have asked for passcode
People reveal their passcodes to others willingly without asking if they start trusting them enough

[Asker]

We’ve been together for almost half a year

[Asker]

Also we already had this conversation before. It was one of the first questions I asked (if he would be okay in a relationship where stuff is shared) and he said yes

[Opinion Owner]

In that case, it's weird
He probably has something in his phone which he doesn't want you to see.

[In_Trance]

I think this is absolutely retarded and the more you focus on it you're going to fuck up your relationship

[Asker]

Thanks for your honesty

[spartan55]

Your boyfriend was stupid with that in the first place.

[ScisorsAndRaisins]

You never should have asked.

[Asker]

Why?

[ScisorsAndRaisins]

Why did you ask?

[Asker]

Why can’t I? We agreed this kind of thing was okay before.

[ScisorsAndRaisins]

How did that work out?

[Asker]

Actually so I’m having this conversation now and he said he does understand. Me and him are about to redefine what we want in terms of trust and privacy. So thanks for the lackluster advice but this is more of what I was expecting. “Have a conversation” not just “don’t”.

[ScisorsAndRaisins]

A doctor once told me...
When you hear hoof beats, don't look for a zebra, because it's probably a horse.
It might behoove you to stop looking for a zebra.