Is suggesting what you should wear already controlling?

Question

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Not necessarily, it just comes down to how your partner asks you , if a partner is suggesting you wear a certain outfit , all they are saying is they think that outfit looks good on you and it turns them on , but if they are demanding you to wear a certain outfit against your will , then yes that’s controlling , Sadly most people get confused when this occurs in a relationship And think their partner is being controlling when really they aren’t , but sometimes their partner is being controlling , without really realizing that they are , so again it comes down to how your partner asks you. Now if your partner is taking their time and picking you out an outfit and preparing it for you before hand then yes that’s controlling , or they are telling you to wear this outfit instead of what you are already have on , then yes that’s controlling , Anytime someone demands you do to do something against your will , that is controlling , but if they just suggest you wear a certain outfit , they are basically just letting you know that they love how you look in that outfit , so whether you wear it or not that’s up to you , if they get pissed off that you didn’t wear what they suggested , then that’s a relationship you should really Reconsider , No one should be forced to do anything against their own will , I know a lot of girls’ that are dating guy’s that are very controlling to her , and I just shake my head as to why she tolerates that controlling behavior , Sadly a lot of females are clueless when they are in a relationship with a guy that is controlling to her , Yes most guy’s like to be dominate to a girl he gives his heart to , and yes most girls’ love to be submissive to their man , but there is a thin line when it comes to being controlled and forced to do something against their own will , this can occur from Guy’s and girls’ that most people are easily blind to , The only time it’s ok for a partner to be somewhat controlling is in the bedroom during sex or sex anywhere , but other than that they shouldn’t be controlling at all. Why it’s important to set boundaries with each other when entering into a relationship with someone If boundaries are set with each other and you both of you agree and follow those boundaries then there is no control at all , if a partner chooses not to follow those boundaries then your partner has every right to tell you that you are stepping out of line , sadly most people
Assume that is controlling as well when really it isn’t , Why it’s important to wear your partners shoes before making decisions or before assuming things , we all assume things and we all have selfishness is us , if ypu can’t remove your selfishness for your partner , don’t expect them to remove their selfishness for you, The only way a relationship will survive is if you both choose each other and prioritize each other over everyone else , If you can’t prioritize your partner then you are best to not be in a relationship what so ever cuz that makes you a selfish person that only cares about yourself , We don’t get into relationships to be single , if you do , you will be single again.

Miristheiss · Accepted Answer

Grow up. Are you an adult? Act like it then. You are in charge of your destiny. Quit throwing this "I am controlled" banter about. You control your kids (or try to at least, you are a grown adult. Take responsibility for your life. If you are attracted to this man, if you two have similar life values and goals then give this a shot.

If you don't have similar values, life goals and boundaries then why are you two even together?

Dress? Talk it out. Tell him what you like, he can tell you what he likes. People are allowed to make clothing requests. That doesn't make you a victim. If your ideas on clothing don't mesh then talk it out. Can you two compromise? Can one party just give in and concede (if it isn't a major issue for them)? If you two are too different and can't agree then just MOVE ON.

There are 4 billion men...4 billion women. The options are endless. Your goal should be finding someone you have attraction to that shares your values on core issues like religion, handling money, sex, having and raising kids, the goal of dating... etc.

WilmaReportu · Accepted Answer

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Magosmall06 · Accepted Answer

I think it depends on the context and both of you are a couple. Some partners like to match eachother at events or social gatherings. Or maybe some guys would like to have a similar dress sense e. g. if he wears a suit, he might suggest a maxi or midi dress or something. I would say it’s only controlling if they are telling you too. Or if they suggested you should wear something and you say no and they get annoyed then I would say that’s also controlling.

You should wear what you want

coachTanthony · Answer

How dare he show masculine protective qualities towards you when you are in charge and lead the relationship. Put him in his place... show him who's the boss.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

Hold on, lets not make mistakes here... Suggestion is 1 thing, and And asking what to wear is a 2nd thing... So yeah Suggestion is not a controlling thing... unless... depends how is "suggested"...🤷‍♂️

Anonymous · Answer

My last girlfriend basically forced me to pick out her outfits.

I had her dressing so sexy. It was fun I guess. I had my girl looking like a whore.

Some girls even demand as a requirement to date them, that their boyfriend chooses her clothes.

Personally I'm not into it. I am not like that I don't want to choose I don't want to control in the slightest. I don't like that at all.

But I'll do it for her I guess. And I guess I get the benefit of having a set girlfriend who dresses hot and everyone gets to see I'm fucking this curvy sexy Thang.

I know a lot of girls, the hot slutty popular ones who spend all of their time making themselves look good.

Most of them love having a controlling boyfriend. It is a turn on for them. They like being controlled. They like him to be jealous. They like him to be on edge when other men are around. They want him to want to cover and protect her from view of other men.

I think it's bizarre but hey you women are weirdos.

Dittlebop · Answer

Depends on how often it happens. An occasional one of these is okay "Hey, remember when you wore that thing two months ago? That looked really nice on you. Think you could wear it again sometime?"

But if he's trying to get you to change your style wholesale, then that's a different thing. If he doesn't like your style, then he shouldn't be dating you. He should find someone else who dresses sexy, so you can find someone else who appreciates your desire to dress a certain way.

I'm single currently, and I don't like it when women dress in overtly sexy ways showing a lot of skin. I'd never start dating a woman who likes to dress sexy, and then try to change her. I'd try to find someone who dresses in a manner that I find more appealing.

Whatever one's tastes in dress are, it's wrong to date someone and try to change them. Just find someone who's more suited to you is my philosophy.

So, yeah, he's wrong to try to make you change your style. He either needs to appreciate your style or go somewhere else.

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

It depends on the context here. Most of the time I hear this is just a shaming buzzword women use when men have a preference to how their partners dress. At some point it can get out of hand but honestly it goes more toward respect of your partner and your relationship.

If your in a committed relationship, your partner may take exception if your walking out of the house showing off all the goods so to speak. In most guys view that is you advertising your still available and single.

Personally, I would never tell my partner how to dress but if she continuously dressed in a way I did not agree with, then I would simple tell her the relationship is done and run its course and we just aren't compatible on very basic levels. In my opinion it would be a serious mismatch of our relationship and our goals. I wouldn't want to do anything to disrespect her, but I certainly expect the same in return.

RingOfFire · Answer

I think questions like this tells more about the asker than the person they are asking about. If you are uncomfortable with the pressure he puts on you about what you wear, you should talk to him about it and try to reach a conclusion that is more comfortable for you. If that isn't possible, you have to option to accept his behavior and stay in the relationship or to end the relationship. Only you can know which is appropriate for you.

This seems like an obvious point, so the question becomes why you are afraid to address it. The answer MAY be (and I stress may because I have no way of knowing for sure) that you don't have enough confidence or self-respect or strength to face that conversation with him. That's why it is about you and not him.

I would work on my own issues if I was in a situation like this and figure out why I can't have this conversation with my partner and whether or not that is the root of the problem.

sage2021 · Answer

Stay out of her closet. She's a big girl and can 👗 dress herself.
If a guy starts telling you what he wants you to wear and picking out your clothes, that guy is the abusive type. Don't think he cares, he's wanting things his way which later down the road could show his abusive side.

Selliebeanz · Answer

Maybe I’m weird but I love it when my man REQUESTS me to wear certain things such as a certain color of wig because I love switching it up. If he was like “Babe wear that one dress I like on you” I’d do it in a heartbeat. I also love it when my man wears certain things. It’s when they start putting you down and forcing you to do things that is the issue.

provokeesmokee · Answer

asking is fine, but demanding or nagging is not. If you feel super nagged, don't let him try to gaslight you into thinking it's "just a suggestion".

If he doesn't stop, know he doesn't care about you - he only wants you as a sex object.

nice-girl · Answer

In my opinion, it's not controlling. I thought he was asking you to dress more modestly, but when I read the update, I thought that it could be a negative thing, especially if he wants you to dress sexy for other people to see you. This doesn't sound right.

While asking you to dress more modestly, I would understand that and see it as positive.

MiddleAgedClimbee · Answer

If there's a favorite outfit that he likes, I don't see a harm in suggesting it. However, most enjoyable, route would be to tell your lady, or your man, but they look handsome, regardless, of which choice of wardrobe they make. I also think that looking good without any clothes on important, but that's not for the world to see.

molonski2 · Answer

NO..

It shows he has concern , and frankly its you who should be asking his opinion on your attire , I always give suggestions which are of course always followed , jump off the high horse and get realistic , the word " suggesting " says it all.

Honestly , if this kind of thing bothers you , do him a favor and END the relationship.

Screenwriter · Answer

If a guy says he'd  LIKE  you to wear something, that's one thing.  If he KNOWS you don't like dressing a certain way and STILL wants you to dress as he prefers is nothing but controlling, and shows a lack of respect for who you are and your choices. It'll start with clothes and spread from there. I'd not let the door hit me on the ass on my way out.

smne35 · Answer

People here are too sensitive, just about everything is an issue I'm not taking about this site but this world you can say anything without offending someone honestly I don't think 98 percent of people here know who they are or what they want it complicates living here

Saramad_Hill · Answer

If he doesn't like what you wear, he may voice his opinion. But no one should control what you're doing.
Wear what you're comfortable with, whether it's an astronaut suit or a bikini. If it won't land you in jail, it's fine.

"You look great in that!"
or
"Yeah, I like to cover up, too."

Voice your concerns and have a discussion if this keeps up. Jealousy isn't always cute.

Anonymous · Answer

Not really i had to do this with someone back in 2019 when we had a leukemia charity benefit dinner to attend. If i didn't do this the dumb lazy bitch would of shown up in her crappy ripped jeans and t-shirt while everyone else dressed semi formal. I had to tell her to wear a nice dress and if she didn't have one go buy one from nordstrom rack. God she was a disaster to deal with. She would appear on the air doing news with foodstains on her clothes and talked shit about men when she wasn't supposed to due to her contract being on tv. She would talk shit about men on the air and on social media. After a while i got sick of her shit and dropped her as a friend

elizamichale1 · Answer

I dont think its controlling unless its being forced on u honey...

For me almost 90 to 95 percent of my outfits r chosen for me but i m not being controlled...

If u dont like a certain style just talk to ur boyfriend..

Also it could be a way of ur boyfriend telling u he wants u to get kinky n naughty with him

Friendlybro79 · Answer

If you say to stop telling me and be keeps doing it then yes.

Is he suggesting or telling you though? You're saying two different things.

Suggesting means he is ok if you say no

Telling is trying to control.

If you ask him not to suggest what you should wear and he keeps doing it that's rude and annoying.

ZackBan · Answer

If he makes no suggestions and agrees with whatever you do you should worry. It means he's not as intersted as he should be.
As long as he's respecting your ultimate right to chose he can and should make suggestions

Nikki1989 · Answer

Suggesting is fine, demanding is crossing the line.

Jasmin01 · Answer

As long as he just expresses wishes, it's okay. But I wouldn't be told what to wear.

StarWarGirl · Answer

A open suggestion isn't controlling but the imposition of it on you is.

Lovesoad1 · Answer

He sounds a bit of a nightmare tbh. He doesn't accept you for u. Anyway if someone tells me what to wear or what to do I go nuts. Even when my brother or father tells me to do my laces up I sometime lose it. The only person who ever manages to give opinions on my clothes is my grandmother tbh.

FreyaRed · Answer

It's discarding of your opinion on hand of your clothes choice.
Tell him with serious face expression that you will wear what he wants if he wears a clown costume, because when you wear what he wants you will feel like a clown either.

RavenQuill · Answer

Him telling you he would rather you be more modest, would be understandable, but telling you to be immodest past your comfort zone is a big red flag. He needs to respect your boundaries, and if he can't he can take the loss.

NalleBabyBoysss · Answer

It always depends on your tone of voice and context, do you sound like an annoying mom in a hurry or a sweet girlfriend that just wants to help because he/she don't know fashion for s**t? I wouldn't mind if it was the latter

prettyfacegoodtaste · Answer

you told him you don’t like it and he says it anyway? oh lawd.. he’ll only do what you allow ;) this lesson: having strong standards and boundaries.  good luck.

cunnilinguist · Answer

He has the right to express his thoughts and you have the right to listen or ignore. Simple no?

Don't you think that you suggesting that he should not express his thought is controlling, when he clearly doesn't like it?

RavVid · Answer

I don't think so. I am not sure if you are saying he is saying to dress sexy or not sexy.

Depending on the environment I would indicate what mode of dress I think is appropriate. If you don't like it don't go with him.

Radiate143 · Answer

Telling you to uncover your bodybin public is a sign of a man who views you as an object. Now, if he was a man with style and he had an idea to style your coat or add a scarf then thatscool to have a man who is hetero and a good dresser.

JackCarter · Answer

Casually suggesting is not controlling unless he pressurizes or forces you to wear it

IslaTheWitch · Answer

No, it's a lack of respect for your preferences.

colaman94 · Answer

I would just pick a woman who's style I already like. Then again, if she asked me first, I'd always tell her my thoughts, every time I'm asked. Lol. 😆😋🫣🫣🫣

PresidentLucia · Answer

nah. standards are standards. dont like em? dump him. I would say, the little cunt has no fucking right to bitch about what you wear if he's looking at porn tho.

m1tch3ll · Answer

he knows what other guys spot in crowds, he knows what other guys thinks look hot, he knows what other guys think when you where something, listen to him, he knows that all because he's also a guy. its so fucking straight forward.

Constatine · Answer

Yes..  He or no one should suggest what you wear. Only a boss may tell you not to wear your choice of clothes... And wear the compagny outfit.. 😄

johnnydeeeep · Answer

Per usual, motive would decide. I suppose that there exist relations that if we're to say anything similar they would be deemed naturally controlling inherently

Anemone978 · Answer

Well suggesting isn't that big a deal... but if he is telling you that you can't wear something (that it isn't hooker wear) or you have to wear this!.. then yeah that is a bit much..

sheenagwapa · Answer

if your boyfriend wants you to be sexu then that is abnormal because usually boyfriends want their girlfriend for their eyes only and would want her to cover

jshm2 · Answer

No, don't be daft. The key word is "suggesting".  If he was beating your ass into something he wants you to wear. Or was starving you until you fit; you might have had a case.

CountryWanderer · Answer

Occasional suggestions as to what he'd like, no. Continually pressing the issue when you've said you don't like something, yes, that's controlling.

msmissydc · Answer

Suggestions are totally fine. Even appreaciated from a partner. The important part is that they can accept a 'no I dont want to'.

rigmarole · Answer

Nope they are just telling you what they like. If you two don't see eye to eye eventually you'll probably break up.

OddBeMe · Answer

Yes if you’re very sensitive. Perhaps I’ve been around too many toxic aholes.

Everything everyone does is try to control others. It’s just natural game theory. Think of a garage sale: $3? How about $2?

lightbulb27 · Answer

Suggesting and recommending is ok. Pushing your boundaries is not. Its a relationship… work it out…

aceleon · Answer

if he said dress more properly i would say no he is just a normal guy but if you want you to reveal more skin he is not normal.

atiquahbby · Answer

If it makes you feel controlled or it makes you change what you like just because you are scared of how he'll react, yes.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

No, it's a normal couples thing for suggestions to be made and compromises to be had.. I'm pretty sure you've told him some things you don't approve of as well..

strateguy632 · Answer

suggesting no. but obligating is controlling what you must wear. such ultimatums better to break up.

Puppystarfish23 · Answer

Honestly wish my boyfriend would help me with what I should wear at times. I ask for his opinion and I alway look "fine" to him 🤣🙄

Mansearching · Answer

Suggestions on what you wear is one thing. You can take it or leave it. But if he commands or orders you is completely wrong. You're not a servant or slave. You're his partner, s/o, or wife.

Heolurt · Answer

A suggestion is a suggestion, a command is a command only one is technically a form of control, that being said, you have free will and never really have to do anything you don't want to, you just need to have the will power to make a choice.

msc545 · Answer

Also, be sure to listen to all the women on here that will tell you, but he's being controlling and that you should leave him right away. They don't have your best interests at heart at all, but never mind that just go ahead and listen to them.

AviatorTom · Answer

Nothing wrong with suggesting... demanding is another story altogether.

Shy_Steve · Answer

He can suggest it, But He can't make you do it. If He keeps telling you to do it after you have told Him that you don't like it He doesn't care about your Feelings, So you Should leave Him.

Anonymous · Answer

A suggestion is a suggestion, an order is an order. I always suggest my girl wears dresses especially ones that show off a bit of cleavage

Anonymous · Answer

That’s weird , cause usually men want you to wear MODEST clothing. Dress Appropriately. Because apparently it’s considered “cheating” if other men look at you.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes. Run for the hills. My ex did this to me all the time and I do not wear provocative clothing at all. My pants were “too tight” and it got to the point where he physically put his hands on me and dragged me out of the restaurant. Run very fast.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

I'll take all that like an attempt to control you.

Tomisworthless · Answer

No its called being protective. You want a man to lead love and protect you, no? Well submit to his authority and quit dressing as if you're still advertising your availability to the world

Is suggesting what you should wear already controlling?

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