I met him a year ago and fell for him. We have a lot in common and get along well. A few weeks after we met, I learned he's gay and unavailable. I was already in too deep. A year later now and we've become like best friends, and whenever he talks about his partner it feels like a punch in the gut. But I love him anyway. He was recently working on a motorcycle license, which his partner has, and started riding one. Which is cool but felt also a bit worrying and out of character. Still, I told him to stay safe and supported him and I didn't think much of it. Earlier in the year, I started joining a bunch of colleagues and my supervisor for drinks every Friday. I convinced my best friend to join with me, just so I'd feel more comfortable with him there. Tonight we went out as usual, and when he was offered a cigarette by my supervisor, he took it and I watched him in shock as he got it lit and started smoking like it was nothing. Let's just say I'm more of the type to do something like that than him. I couldn't stop staring in shock but he either didn't notice or he was ignoring me. I personally don't have anything against smoking. But for some reason this was shocking and heartbreaking. I don't know if I was feeling protective, or worried, or confused, or pissed, or all. I endured the scene and the feeling for a minute but then I went home because I felt like I was going to cry or say "WTF man". I'm confused because I don't have any right to be against a grown ass man making his own decisions, but at the same time I feel worried, betrayed and confused about whether it's something recent because of stress or just tonight. I think I'm also upset because he's always been the more emotionally stable one, despite having similar family backgrounds and beliefs about our field of work, and is always the more optimistic one. Now, with the motorcycle and the smoking, it feels like there's this side of him I either never knew or is just starting to develop. Should I be worried?
Guys, If a guy starts acting out of character, should we let them be or check in with them?
What Guys Said
You feel betrayed and confused by he smoked and drives a bike? That don't make any sense.
I really don't get what you are worried about.
It's because it's out of character for him
I don't get how one can judge that within a year of knowing someone. I've known my bestfriend since we were highschoolers and he and I still do things that surprise each other.
I have never really given him a present but this year I did, to him that's me doing something out of character but to me it was just a moment of doing something.
It had no other meaning than this is nice here you go.
People change, and even stubborn ones who don't still do an odd thing here or two or shift into a new thing. I would say myself is very set in my ways and yet I do things I never expected to do.
That depends who the guy is
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