Should I be this angry?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend of 4 years, relatively a good and loyal man. He has a group of friends since high school. Two of them got married (guy and a girl) but divorced. Anyways the girl texted him asking if he remembers a concert in which they all went to way back in high school to which he responded with yes I do remember. She said oh so and so didn’t remember you being there and he responded with I remember a lot of half naked girls dancing on stage and kass saying to me “did you get a chubb watching that” to which i said I lowkey did. I was immediately offended and heartbroken to why he would mention that memory to her and it was entirely inappropriate. I mentioned to him and he said I understand why you would be upset I’m sorry I was just remembering a memory and it was a long time ago we weren’t together and I said not the point it’s the fact that your mentioning this to your female friend and he said she’s my best friends ex wife and my bestfriend I don’t look at her that way. To which I stayed silent and he asked if this was “resolved” I said I don't know I’m bothered and that’s it. Am I overreacting?

Yes that was inappropriate

No, he was just talking about the time

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, that's messed up. I totally get why you're pissed.

Whether they were together back then or not, talking to another girl about getting a "chubby" from seeing her half naked is just disrespectful to you. Like come on man, have some boundaries.

I wouldn't say you're overreacting at all. He's being way too casual about it. And the "is this resolved?" thing shows he's not really taking responsibility or understanding how it makes you feel.

I'd say you have a right to still be bothered. Maybe give yourself some time and space before deciding if it's "resolved." You deserve better than that from your boyfriend.

If it was me, I'd be laying down some ground rules about what he can and can't say to other girls going forward. Like, keep conversations friendly but keep it private stuff private, you know? You've got four years invested - don't settle for less than you deserve.

[Tomisworthless]

it wasn't his HS friend he saw half nude just random women on stage and she just teased him about having a chubby since he was young horny man as most are in those years.

[Oliverlogan263]

@Tomisworthless Ah okay, my bad for misunderstanding the details. Still, even if it was random women at the show long ago and just banter with his friend, I can see why mentioning getting turned on by other girls to another woman now would rub you the wrong way.

Guys do tend to talk and joke about stuff like that sometimes without thinking how it comes across. And it is in the past so maybe he didn't mean anything by it.

But your feelings are real too, you know. Maybe tell him again you're not accusing him of anything serious, but that kind of talk just makes you insecure. Ask him how he'd feel if you were texting some dude friend about an ex getting you hot.

Sometimes we have to be reminded how our actions impact others, even if our intent was harmless. Hopefully he listens better this time and you guys can get past it. Communication is key, right?

[Tomisworthless]

she's just insecure and thought that girl was trying to get sexual with her boyfriend

[molonski2]

Honestly , it happened and its in the past , you are reading too much into it , of course he got a boner , its not a big deal and he was completely honest with you.

[IslaTheWitch]

You can feel upset anytime you need. Just try to reason it.

Should his past experiences upset you? Were they made to target you? Was it all about you?

If not. Tell him how you feel and tell him, you know it's not about you, but it's hard to suppress emotions. Ask to be held or even more, whatever you need at the moment to feel secure.

And work on splitting past from present. You would be happier.

[HelpfulWoman]

He had a life before you. SO. FUCKING. WHAT?
You are so insecure and weird you should be angry at yourself for this manipulative behaviour. If he has sense he'll see the red flag and run like fuck frankly.

[spartan55]

Good lord yes. Why are you going through his phone anyway?

[Tomisworthless]

Nothing to be offended about.