Date spiked my food (not with drugs)-should I be this angry?

[Jade4]

Hello, I had an old friend round for dinner because he asked me out (well in) and insisted on cooking. I'm vegetarian (by choice) and I don't eat eggs (allergy). I initially refused saying I was vegetarian and I'd cook but be said no problems, curry with chicken in his, no chicken for me. I clearly told him I was vegetarian and found out about 2 days later that the curry paste was full of fish. I was so disgusted and angry. To me it's like spiking someone's drink with vodka if they don't drink, or putting nuts in someone's food who's allergic. To me it shows disrespect, if my date ordered a thick steak in a restaurant I wouldn't order a salad for him instead. Anyway this was about 2 months ago and I have no interest in seeing this guy again, which he's obviously not happy about. For me if I can't trust a guy not to secretly feed me animals how can I trust him with anything else? I mean if it had been eggs I would have been really sick not just disgusted and he didn't know whether I was allergic to fush or eggs, just that I didn't eat either. What does everyone think?

Updates

+1 y

Update: OK I think whether or not you think being vegetarian is worthwhile, I think my question boils down to... If a guy knows you don't eat meat/fish/alcohol/etc, would you be outraged if your date gave it to you anyway , particularly in this situation where I'd made it plain I didn't eat it.

Updates

+1 y

Thank you to everyone for your answers and to those of you who provided clear and reasoned reasons for your opinion without name calling.I genuinely wanted to work out why I simply could not let this go. I think I was so angry mainly because I was mad at myself. Any other person I would have double checked the ingredients. I guess cause I figured we'd known each other for si long it wasn't necessary. I should know better so I've been kicking myself.Learning experience. Next time I won't assume

[Anonymous]

Hmmmm...seems like he may be lucky to not be stuck with you.

It just seems to me (from your own story) that you may be a raging lunatic. Accusing someone of SPIKING your food and insinuating that he SECRETLY fed you animal food without actually stating whether or not he did this KNOWINGLY is RIDICULOUS. I guarantee that if he KNEW that the paste had fish in it, you would have stated that. Since you didn't state that, I can only assume he was naive to the fact of the fish thereby making you the unreasonable one.

This man should run...run far and fast.

He CLEARLY didn't give it to you purposefully (according to your story) yet you implicate him as doing such.

So, you want to equate his (unknowing) addition of fish paste to SPIKING and SECRETLY feeding you something you didn't desire AND poising by peanut, I believe I can safely (using your same criteria) equate your fallacious accusations against him with calling CPS on a spouse simply to be vindictive.

You're wrong 100% UNLESS he did this knowingly (which you have yet to accuse him of). Furthermore, you stated you have no desire to see this guy again. So, why are you getting on GaG and unleashing your crazy upon us? Does your question have a deeper meaning than its body context? Are you simply putting this story on GaG so you can be the victim because you enjoy the attention? I don't know. But what I do know is that you are equating an ACCIDENTAL action to PURPOSEFUL bodily harm done by peanuts...

Ridiculous.

[NitroBlade]

Lots of people seem to think eating fish is a vegetarian thing. I even know a few people who don't see fish as 'meat' or 'animals'. Strange mentality, but it does exist. Perhaps he knew vegetarian that ate fish. If this is what he thought, are you going to chastise him for ignorance?

It doesn't mean he's an idiot. If you grow up believing the word for blue is green, with no reason to question it, are you going to call them an idiot for not knowing otherwise?

Perhaps he didn't 'look it up' because he didn't know it was something he should. He figured he knew what being vegetarian meant. Sounds like it was a mistake is all.

[NitroBlade]

From the sound of the update, it looks like you're just fishing for validation for you over-reacting.

I'm not saying you are or aren't over-reacting. Of course if someone says "I don't eat dairy" and they feed you dairy, it's wrong. However what everyone is asking, is that the case? Did the guy make a mistake due to ignorance, or like you said, not caring? That changes how we see it. You need to talk to him then and figure it out.

[Jade4]

Nah I'm not fishing for validation, I was just hearing that people have been confused about what people eat before so I was trying to remove that from the equation since I don't think that's what happened in this case. think it's just I'm really angry and that's what's coming through in the question. I've been given beef ravioli before (since you can't see the meat it's not there) politely declined,friend was horrified and apologised, we had a good laugh. Maybe the issue is the excuse is flimsy

[harveykinkle]

While I would be upset iif he did this intentionally I really don't think he did.

I love curry. It's amazing and I could eat it every day. If I liked someone a lot I'd cook for them. Until now I would have never even considered they had fish in curry paste. I thought curry paste only spices up until now.

Give him another chance. If he liked you enough to cook dinner I doubt he'd do this intentionally.

Also, I thought vegetarians (which you said you were) just didn't eat flesh and vegans didn't eat ANY animal product.

Unfortunately since this isn't the norm and people like me and your guy are misinformed just tell everyone cooking for you exactly what your preferences are. Also, if I'm cooking for a date/friend I like them enough to happily cater to anything :)

[Jade4]

Thanks for your comment. I get that people don't always think about what's in stuff. What I was confused about was why I couldn't let it go. I now understand that I was mad at myself for trusting someone and it didn't work out. I would always ask "what about..." But coming from a health background maybe that's unusual.fyI most vegetarians consider fish to be meat. If took years for me to find out lots of wineries use fish bladder or cage eggs to produce wine, so understand the blindside factor

[Anonymous]

I would be angry. He didn't respect a strong belief that you held. I'm also a longtime vegetarian and I would be very upset to know that after not eating meat for ten years, I had been tricked into eating some. If this guy can't even respect your food choices, what else do you think he won't respect? Then again, there is a chance that he didn't know the curry paste had fish or he didn't consider fish to be meat. Ask him about it and see what he says.

[Jade4]

Thank you! It's hard for someone that doesn't eat meat to understand that months later I feel like vomiting whenever I think about it. I think I was MAD! After reading the comments though I think I couldn't let it go cause I was partially mad at myself and because I trusted this person with something important to me and I feel like I was betrayed and third, I didn't think "I didn't think paste counted" was an understandable response.ar least now I understand I was50% mad at myself I move on

[MrOracle]

Like most people here, I think you are overreacting.

It doesn't sound like he *intentionally* went against your wishes, but rather, he was ignorant of what exactly your wishes were, or the extent of them. Or, maybe he was ignorant that there was fish in the curry paste.

If you knew for sure that he intentionally did this, then, sure, you'd have every right to be upset. I hate people messing with my food too. But I suspect that that's not the case here.

In the future, you need to be VERY SPECIFIC with your dietary wishes, and should never assume that 'vegetarian' is enough of an explanation to communicate your limits and wishes.

[Levin]

The question is, did he consciously do it? I'm guessing not. You're sort of underestimating general ignorance, or stupidity if you like, of those around you. I say, I don't eat gluten, and then people will in all seriousness offer up some bread, or some other flagrantly contaminated food stuff. I could almost say, I don't eat red meat, and then an hour after, someone will offer me a pig for slaughter as a gift. Don't take it personally, as I say, people are ignorant, as I'm sure you and I were before we had these intolerances and allergies. This stuff isn't at the forefront of their minds. Most people are pretty unconscious in general with regard to the food they put into their bodies, consuming a whole host of crap, and then wondering why they feel like wretches at the age of 30, but nm that :)

[Daph81]

most people who have these intolerances are also self-diagnosed.

It's your call to be picky about what you eat, but don't you dare put down others who didn't self-diagnosed a bunch of "intolerances" and eat whatever they want.

To each their own. And if you want people to respect your intolerances, you should also respect the fact that other people eat all kinds of stuff and not badmouth them.

[Levin]

I think you're kind of taking what I wrote in the wrong way, partly my fault for badly writing it. Being ignorant isn't a bad thing, I'm ignorant about a whole host of stuff. So it's not his fault for not knowing about it, as there is no reason why he should. In that respect she should be more forgiving. I think most people eat crap in general, little to do with intolerances and allergies. High glycaemic, too much sugar, too much food, bad combinations, too much protein/meat, etc

[Jade4]

Wow I took ignorance to mean lack of knowledge. The gluten example made me laugh, although not funny for you at the time!

[Miyani11]

I think he simply made a mistake. Not everyone knows what's in curry paste. I didn't think curry paste contained fish. I'm not vegetarian but there's a lot of condiments that contain meat products that most people don't know or consider them to have meat in them. Also, it's YOUR responsibility to check the food people make and the ingredients they've used before you eat them. If you don't want to eat it, simply don't. It's also YOUR responsibility to tell someone what you're ALLERGIC to! People can't read your mind! I tell people right off the bat I'm allergic to marinara sauce and to not put it in my food. If they're making Italian, I check to see if the marinara sauce is processed or fresh. I can't eat processed marinara or tomato paste for whatever reason. Also sardines.

[martyfellow]

Do you think he just made a mistake, in good faith, forgetting your preference? Maybe he didnj't pay attention to what was in the curry paste--normally curry doesn't have fish!--

Or did he delibearately do this.? If he did this deliberately, then you have every right to be angry and not trust him about anything else.

[mystix]

This guy clearly had no idea that you being vegetarian meant you were against a type of food. And there is no way its the same as an allergy.. And if it is and you have an allergy don't you have to look for for yourself aka the first rule of having an allergy?

My own sister will cook food knowing dam well I can't eat it least he tried and yall are definitely not meant for each other.

[Phoenix98]

I don't get the whole vegetarian thing ether I mean some believe fish aren't meat while others believe it is and all this crap its just to dang confusing keeping track of it all. So you can't really blame him for that one thing now if it had been actual meat like beef or something that would be different. Also what's the point of saving the animals by not eating meat when you are in fact eating their food source plants and vegetables?

[Jade4]

I specifically refused the offer because I said no I'm vegetarian and I don't eat most dairy. I'd rather cook myself and know what I'm eating. It was refused and I was assured it would be fine. Since I grow my own vegetables I'm not depriving any animal if tgeir food either by the way. I don't need people to agree, it's their business if the want to order lamb in a restaurant it's none of mine. And no if you read the responses he said he didn't think the paste counted, not I thought fish was ok

[Phoenix98]

I did read the responses I'm just saying can you really be mad at him for a mistake that lets be honest any of us could make even other vegetarians.

[Jade4]

Well I guess it comes down to mistake versus didn't think it was important which equals I messed up vs I don't care what you believe in.

[Phoenix98]

Ya but the real question is which one was he and is it worth forgiving.

[eringirlCA]

Maybe he thought you were a pescetarian, ya know basically a vegetarian who eats fish? I'm just saying unless he flat out tells you that he did it on purpose, I would give him another chance.

[Jade4]

Well I guess that brings up the secondary problem, if I can't believe the excuse, it doesn't say there's a lot of trust.

[eringirlCA]

You guys just started going out right? there is not a lot of trust in the beginning at least not with me, the guy has to earn it, I think maybe it was an honest mistake and that it can't hurt to give him one more chance. But ultimately the choice is up to you.

[Dandeus]

Did the guy even know there was fish in the curry paste when he used it? I certainly wouldn't have tought to check.

[Dionysos]

Be angry. He tricked you into putting something you said you didn't want inside your body. That's a deal breaker.

[obvious10]

He probably didn't know about the curry paste having fish in it... I would calm down and try to reconnect.

[glitterberryalisa]

I don't think he did it intentionally, and that you're overreacting a little.

[Anonymous]

I know some vegetarians that do eat fish. So if he didn't know that then I don't feel like you should be mad at him.

[Jade4]

Is it reasonable to expect a person to check? I mean if you offered someone a shot of vodka, they said they didn't drink vodka would you check before you gave them a beer?

[Opinion Owner]

That's not the same thing at all... I think you're going too far on this, I think it was a mistake.

[Anonymous]

Well did he explain himself? my only guess is maybe he thought fish didn't count, like how catholics don't eat meat unless its fish during lent.

[Jade4]

Didn't think the paste counted. But I don't know if its true or not. My favourite food used to be schnitzel and he made references to "there's nothing stopping you" grin and wink. And it's pretty hard to believe, I mean if it is true does that then imply this guy isn't that bright, I mean I don't eat something unless its mushed up but then it's ok? That makes no sense

[Meedo]

I think you are going too far with this

[InquisitiveMale]

I think no means no.

[Anonymous]

Hell yeah!