Was this a red flag?

[Anonymous]

I met a guy off a dating app. We exchanged numbers but It took me a few days to start texting him since i was busy. When i finally reached out to him, he said he forgot what i looked like. I sent him a pic of myself and he said "oh right... thank god you're not an old lady!" I was kinda surprised.

So i replied " what do you consider to be an old lady? 10 years older?"

He replied " 7 years older".

That was when i blew a red flag. he's 35. A woman 7 years older than him is only 42. Far from being an old lady. I also found it disrespectful how he how he refers to them as "old ladies". He also stated he never dates older women. Sounds like he has a phobia of older women. He also said that since I am 28 , almost 30, which is the age where pregnancy outcomes get bad. I reminded him that his sperm quality also deteriorates as he ages too. And that i won't have kids with a man over 40. Suddenly he stopped and said our conversation has gone downhill.

I thought this guy was a massive red flag. Bad guy. What do you think?

Im not attracted to old men in their 40s either but i dont go around calling them "old men".

[bededazzle]

it’s up to you. a person can have their age preferences, though i personally don’t feel the way he does. it’s possible he is awkward or something. you could do one more date and see how it goes. but if you really don’t like it, then maybe you should cut ties.

[bededazzle]

ps he is kind of wrong about pregnancy.

[Asker]

I have age preferences but i am not disrespectful or condescending toward older men

[bededazzle]

yeah i amdefinitely on your side here

[236color]

Yeah, I don't think it bodes well. Maybe not, he's an angry drunk kind of red flag, but indicates superficial asshole vibes for sure.

[etsylo]

A big red flag lol. No way, he's almost close to 40 too 😭 what did he expect, to not age? to age down? He's probably the type to go for younger ladies than him tbh. You dodged a bullet there!!

[Asker]

Yea a guy as shallow as that. He will just dump me when I get older for a younger woman

[cherriibly]

A big red flag

[spartan55]

I think if you make a big deal over something small you be arguing constantly in your relationships

[Asker]

Red flags start off small. Ignore them in the beginning, they grow into bigger problems. Dont be naive.

[spartan55]

Okay pink anon... keep looking those red 🚩 flags. You can always find one.

[spartan55]

Naive? I've been around the block a few hundred more times than you, so that's pretty funny.
You aren't going to find the perfect guy. There will always be something that you don't like.

[Asker]

settling for anyone is a recipe for divorce. Certain flaws I can overlook but not something this big.

[spartan55]

And what exactly was this "something "?

[Asker]

Why would this not be something wrong?

[spartan55]

I just asked you to explain what exactly you were calling "something big"

[spartan55]

And I still don't know what it is

[Asker]

Some people can't spot out red flags while ithers can. I dont have to teach you what a red flag should be

[spartan55]

You don't have to teach me. What is the red 🚩 flag for this guy? Do you not even know?

[spartan55]

Different people have different things they consider red

[Asker]

Well if you have bad values, you would never say your values are wrong

Some people dont think stealing is wrong

Just the same way some dont think being disrespectful is wrong

Just the same way some people dont think being shallow is wrong

[spartan55]

You still can't explain it. 🙄 Respect has different meanings for different people. Red 🚩 flags are never right or wrong because they are different for every person.

[Asker]

@spartan55

I do think certain things are officially right or wrong from the standpoint of a moral person.

We are talking from the perspective of a moral person with a decent amount of empathy and understanding.

The normal average human being is supposed to have some sort of empathy or understanding for others.

People incapable of empathy might have different values / beliefs from someone who has empathy.

[Asker]

for example,
you might think robbing or stealing is NOT wrong
. But universally, robbing or stealing IS wrong.
why? because humans are supposed to have some sort of empathy or respect for others.

you may think that being condescending towards others is right.
but universally, being condescending to others is wrong in vast majority of the world.
It is considered as "rude".
In most cultures, being rude is not considered a socially acceptable thing.
Why? because vast majority of humans are capable of empathy.

You may not think being rude is wrong because you lack empathy.

[spartan55]

Yeah, that must be it. So, saying someone is older is a right or wrong thing? Sounds good.

[Asker]

@spartan55

saying that someone is older is not wrong.

however, being disrespectful to an older person or being condescending / judgmental towards someone older is wrong.

Someone who is obsessed with age and bases absolutely everything on age is also a red flag.

[Asker]

everyone ages... including you...
how would you feel if i said the same disrespectful condescending things to you by the time you get old?

[spartan55]

I get it every day on here, I laugh at it. You seem to be taking it real offense to it, and I... am trying to see what the big deal is (reread your post) I am assuming that whole exchange was by text. If so you are assuming the tone and meaning of his go to the extreme negative which isn't fair. Like I said, your choice, but it seems like it takes very little to set you off.

[Asker]

@spartan55

take a look at all the other answerers on here, almost 100% of them agree with me. the only one who disagrees is you. Maybe you're just offended by this cuz this is what you would've said too.

[spartan55]

First of all, pink anon, you could offend me in a million years, trust me. Second, you think IGAF if 'almost 100%' kinda sorta agreed with you? Hardly worthy of a victory lap. If he would have said those things in person I might agree with you. But this is a case when texting is a poor choice of medium given the subject matter.

Hmmmm, one of your fellow pink anons thinks you overreacted too. Imagine that?

[spartan55]

*could NOT offend me

[Asker]

why you so mad?

cuz i know you're offended, bro.

no reason to sound so pissed.

[spartan55]

See, this shows how clueless you are. No one is mad here. You couldn't make me mad if you tried. Just reread my reply and don't know what you are even talking about.
Here's a question for you. If you already had such a poor opinion of this guy, why would you even need to post this? Validation? Bored? It's usually one of those two with you pink anons. So predictable.

[Asker]

why are you criticizing me for posting this?

are you mad that i posted this question?

you do sound hostile. you are not very good at hiding it.

[spartan55]

Are you still talking? Go clean your room.

[Asker]

i know why you're mad

[spartan55]

You do huh? That's great.

[Anonymous]

I think you are a red flag here. Talk about overreacting over crap.

[Asker]

disrespectful or condescending towards other is never ok

[peedy]

Wow you really found someone on a dating app thought every account on thise things was a fake ai bot

[ThrillSeeker01]

Yeah, I agree with you.