Why would a guy be different around you after telling you he likes you?

Question

I’ve got a guy friend at work. Basically we saw each other out at the weekend and we were both a little drunk. I told him I have feelings for him and he said (albeit reluctantly) that he feels the same way but he can’t be with me.

At work, he is acting different. He doesn’t flirt with me like he did before the admission. We used to have a lot of joking/banter, lots of eye contact, lots of flirting but now barely anything.

He almost avoids eye contact with me and when sitting next to me at lunch, he will move his chair away, whereas before, he’d sit close to me. He will also sit diagonally opposite me instead of bang opposite.

I have caught him staring at me still, and when we are talking there is prolonged eye contact and his voice goes soft. I think he also got a little jealous as well because I pulled some fluff out of a male coworkers hair, and the guy in question said “you just wanted to touch his hair”.

Is he distancing himself because we can’t be together? Does he actually have feelings for me?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It's possible that he's feeling conflicted or unsure about his feelings after your admission. He may be trying to navigate his emotions and the professional environment at work. His change in behavior could be a result of him trying to establish boundaries to avoid any potential complications or misunderstandings in the workplace. It's also possible that he's feeling guilty about not being able to reciprocate your feelings or that he's trying to protect himself from getting hurt if a relationship isn't possible. However, his continued staring and softening of voice during conversations could suggest that he still has feelings for you but is unsure how to proceed. Communication is key in situations like this, so consider having an open and honest conversation with him to clarify where you both stand and how you can navigate your relationship moving forward.

CVNT5 · Accepted Answer

i think he might be seeing someone else, if a guy likes you he would try to initiate the shmooves, like hanging out more, going on romantic dates, planning activities together with the end goal of making you his wife. unless he's in a religion that does not allow him to marry outside of his faith or if he has someone else in his life that he is being unfaithful by flirting with you. guys are simple but logical creatures. if my crush told me she liked me, i immediatley see wedding bells ringing, and i initiate the process of getting to know her better (Meaningful Relationship), from friend to best friend, to girlfriend, to fiance to getting married and her becoming my Wife💕 and hopefully be happy in a home and busy making kids💕

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

Probably coz he is married or with somebody. And maybe you misread his signals as being into you when he was just being friendly. And now it’s awkward between you two. Just be professional and try to not engage in any interaction with him if possible unless it involves work. Keep smiling and give your best everyday at work.

Account · Accepted Answer

He is attracted to you, but honestly that is not enough. There you go, that is the truth.
If a person likes someone genuinely, they won't stop/restrict themselves.

(Unless of course he is with someone else, which still that proves he is not to be trusted, but you never mentioned that)

DoggyDude · Answer

The first thing to determin is, why can't he be with you?

Sometimes, guys get ideas in their heads that are just plain wrong. Especially when it comes to dating very much younger women. If that's the reason 'he can't be with you' then its down to you to let him know whats your feeling in the matter.

However, if he can't be with you because he's married (happily or otherwise) then you need to re-position your affections ASAP. Return back to a professional footing, and let him know you've done that and moved on. Then you might be able to return to the friendly level of flirting he was previously applying (assuming your comfortable flirting with someone you like who you know is not available by their choice and position).

I'd say its most likely he's distancing himself from you practically. It's fine for a married man to flirt with other ladies, in a shallow manor, but if the guy knows the lady is seriously interested then its off the table and best for him to keep his posture clear.

Though I can's stress enough you need to follow up on his reasons for saying 'he can't be with you', because until you know those you won't know the right way to take stuff. Since his reasoning might be his own idea of 'appropriate' which can include so many things which are false and misleading.

Whitewulf · Answer

I would need a couple more things before I state what I think is going on.

you said he reluctantly said he likes you: can you explain that?
also, do you get along with the people that he hangs out with at work? Is there a big age gap between you?

Drew-1990 · Answer

Oh yeah he has feelings, drunks don't usually lie that is when the truth comes out. If you can't be together he is probably trying to avoid you because the feeling will probably grow more. Probably wishes he didn't confess. But he is still jealous because obviously he still wants you

boggboss · Answer

Yes it sounds like he is setting boundaries because he doesn't want a relationship with u and I see no reason why he doesn't have feelings if thats what he told u

RavVid · Answer

I think so but it is dangerous to associate with work colleagues. You have to assume you will lose your job.

WhitneySnow · Answer

He does have feelings for you, but he’s distancing himself from you because you can’t be together. Why can’t you be together?

Anonymous · Answer

Things may change when there's no challenge worth putting efforts. He is stuck in between losing you and winning you. Don't worry much. Things change with time.

Camaron1 · Answer

Because once a girl knows you like her and if you start dating then she loses interest like a cat 🐈

Anonymous · Answer

This is why they say don't mix love and work. Confront it. Say you were both drunk. Let's cease the awkwardness and move along.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

Communicating feelings changes the dynamic of the relationship.

DreamLife7 · Answer

He doesn't like you. And at 35 years old, this is like a grade school question

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Dating at work is professional suicide for a man.

spartan55 · Answer

Why can't he be with you?

spoole · Answer

Go out, if you want, else let it go.

WhyohWhy69 · Answer

He’s guarding himself in case you try to use him.

laly520 · Answer

feeling more awkward

Why would a guy be different around you after telling you he likes you?

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Why would a guy be different around you after telling you he likes you?

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