How do I compete with these girls?

Question

There's this really cute guy that comes into the cafe I work at everyday for lunch. He's a regular so we constantly talk and sometimes we sit together and talk on my breaks. I really like him but I never get cute guys and I know he'd never be interested in me. I'm so average and he's like a model.

I m new to the village were I work and I'm very much a outsider everyone is super rich and privileged and all the girls in the village are beautiful, rich, privileged and have never had to worry about anything in life before.

All these girls try and flirt with this guy and hang around him too. But my co workers say "yet he comes to the same cafe everyday to see you" to me.

Even when I'm not in apparently he asks were I am and every so often he'll buy me a muffin or wait to me to finish my shift to walk me to my car.

He says he really likes talking to me but I have so many mixed feelings. I don't trust a lot of people especially men , especially rich men and I don't wanna get used or hurt by him as well.

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Please STOP listening to what other women say about getting guys. THEY KNOW NOTHING.

The vast majority of guys COULD NOT GIVE A SHIT if you have money or not, or if you are wearing designer clothes or Walmart, or any of that crap. They don't even need you to be "hot" - if you are not fat and you're reasonably cute, that's enough to get the attention of most men. Not ALL men, but most.

Here's what IS important: your personality, attitude, morals, values, and life-goals. And you started on level ground compared to all the other girls in these areas, or perhaps even with some advantages. Most women have absolutely NO understanding or appreciation for how important their personality and attitude is - they think looks and sex are everything to men - and then they are surprised when they lead with looks and sex and end up getting used for sex. If that's all a man thinks you have to offer (because that's what you showed him), then that's all he's going to care about from you.

Clearly this guy is coming in to see YOU, and it's not because you're necessarily the prettiest girl he's ever seen, or that you're wearing the nicest clothes, or vacationing at the trendiest places. Those things don't mean shit to a man if he's looking for a RELATIONSHP. He's coming in to see you because he likes your personality. YOUR PERSONALITY.

Most women today have been brainwashed to believe that they need to be career-focused "boss bitches" who don't need a man - and there's nothing more repellant to a man than a woman with this attitude. It's the opposite of what most men want. And I suspect that you DON'T have that attitude - and he finds that VERY attractive, and that's WAY more important than you appreciate.

You can do whatever you want, obviously, but MY advice is to make it known that you like him and are interested, BUT, also, set some boundaries and expectations too (i. e., no matter how hot he is, you aren't going to just jump into bed with him). If he's really a decent guy, he's going to like you MORE because of that, and if he disappears, then you know he was NOT a decent guy and was just looking for easy casual sex - either way, you win.

Be sweet and soft-spoken. Respect him and appreciate him. Let him do things for you, and be genuinely thankful when he does. Bring him peace. Do NOT treat him like one of your female friends - take your gossip and your discussions of clothes and shopping and other people's relationships to THEM, not to him. Instead, make sure the things you talk about with him are relevant to HIM. You don't want to hear him talk for 45 minutes about tuning up the car, right? Same thing.

Be FEMININE (*NOT* Feminist). This is literally your superpower, and if you do this, the other girls will be wondering how to compete with you (and most will never figure it out).

JoePro_ · Accepted Answer

I tell this to girls all the time. I'm not sure they listen though.

Personality is a big deal. A girl who's a 4 or 5, but has a great personality, is fun, funny, humble, a hard worker, a team player, encouraging, etc... Will easily bump her overall attractiveness by 2 to 4 points, depending on how amazing she is as a person. So maybe you're a 4, but you've got an above average personality and outlook on life, you're a 6 at minimum, probably a 7.

You might just try to see if he wants to take you out. Next time you talk, you might say something like "I've been thinking about seeing (new movie)" Or "I've been thinking about going to (some place)" ... "But no one I know is able to go with me. I might need to just go alone, I guess." This will give him an opportunity to offer himself to go along with you.

rosemilk · Accepted Answer

he talks to you. just ask him... there's no harm in wanting to know if this can get anywhere. if you never ask, you'll never know and keep comparing yourself to others for no reason.

laly520 · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't want to compete for any guy not worth the effort in my opinion find someone else

Jonathan373 · Answer

Your insecurities are suffocating you, stop drowning in your emotions and let good things happen, he obviously likes you. They could look like models, but maybe, just maybe, he thinks that you are not a crazy gold digger like a lot of the other girls that come at him. A man Normally seeks peace with his partner not an argument every day about nothing at all. It is simple, they provide drama, you provide comfort. He likes it, ask what he is doing later on and if he says I don’t have plans but would like to hang out. Then way not?

Heolurt · Answer

You don't, you like everyone else only competes with themselves, but like everyone you see something in someone else that you want and begin comparing yourself to them. It's so hard not doing this, I know because I do it everyday and I try not to but being born with my face, I just wish I had a normal face but I'm trying hard to not look at everyone else and wish to have their faces instead of mine, but in the end we all need to just need to not compete with each other and only worry about ourselves.

BonzoInBitburg · Answer

You're not competing with those girls, they are competing with you. Trust me, a lot of guys with extra money would rather date a barista than a rich boss babe. I'm sure you are much more down to earth than those other girls and more fun to be around

SamIam96 · Answer

Don't waste too much time trying to figure out what attracts a guy to any particular girl. You're the lucky one, he seems attracted to you.

Take a risk. No one wants to be used or hurt. You're posting here and will regret it if you wait and eventually see him with someone else.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Guys like average girls all the time. Most girls, by definition are average. If he is rich, maybe he appreciates your down to earth demeanor and honesty. I can say one thing for sure, not sure what country you’re from, but I don’t know a single guy who would walk a girl to her car just for the heck of it (unless she had reason to be concerned and directly asked him to).

RavVid · Answer

Well he is showing attention to you and that means something. Men will marry a waitress over a rich bitch if she has the qualities we like. Co-operative, family oriented, caring trumps rich bitches.

Yannae · Answer

To me it sounds like your competing against yourself and not the other girls. I can't give you advice on how to compete with them if you aren't even fully on board with the thought of competing. If you feel good around him, it wouldn't hurt to try.

OtterMan68 · Answer

when you talk, how interested is he in your life outside the cafe? Does he ask about your interests and do you ask about his? If so, and you have something in common, why not ask if he'd like to do that with you

Twalli · Answer

He's making effort for you. Clearly he wants more th ssx n you to be a girl who works at the cafe he likes. You have something that he likes and that gives you an advantage because he's choosing to spend time with you as opposed to other girls.

slatyb · Answer

Forget them. He's choosing you. Ask him why he hasn't asked you out.

JacobJordan · Answer

Well you are ruining things for yourself. Get out of your own way and take a chance.

Minahh · Answer

dont compete with anyone, dont be desperate for his attention, if he truly wanted to be with you, you wouldn't be confused

VV3ZZY123 · Answer

Workout A lot. Makes you More Sexy. That's usually the first priority for men. Also never complain and always be polite

Iuarez · Answer

You can’t compete. We want pretty women that are feminine, cook and clean. Tough. He’s special you’re not, get over it. Find someone on your level

KrakenAttackin · Answer

The answer is to have a real personality and substance.

CuriousMufuxka · Answer

Your description sounds like a bad romcom from 2004.

Anonymous · Answer

Slip him your phone number.

How do I compete with these girls?

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