Hey guys! I have a question about my boyfriend possibly growing up?

[Pmtrout55]

So my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years now. 10 months in, he cheated big time. And before , he would text girls here and there. After he was caught, it was a disaster (cause he’s a NPD) but he apologized and we worked past it. Now since then, he gets caught here and there commenting on a girls post (last time was almost a year ago), and never flirts with girls through messages. But sometimes if a girl texts him , he will be polite and text back. But I always catch it, as he has allowed me to have access to EVERYTHING. A few days ago he did search “single in N. C.” but he went no further with that. I’m scared maybe he was just thinking about it and had a moment of weakness but stopped himself.
He now allows me to convey my feelings , sometimes getting mad if it’s all the time he also has been making an effort to do nice things but we barely go out anymore ( we live together) he touches me all the time but still doesn’t ask about my day or anything
lately I’ve been a little insecure so I’ve been pushing for answers, and he’s been telling me that he “won’t cheat again , we would just break up and that he has too much to lose” , he also says “he thinks he has grown and has a new outlook on life and what he values in relationships and I bring what he values”

i guess my question is if you guys think the cycle of cheating and devaluing me has stopped and shifted to a more valuable and positive outlook on his part?

Updates

1 mo

Just to update y’all. People grow and change. It’s a part of getting older. And it’s all our first time going through life. In a real relationship where you are truly serious , you give forgiveness, and accept their flaws and work togetehr on them. So saying “just leave “ isn’t helpful. Life isn’t that easy, and neither should relationships be that easy. It takes dedication and understanding. I would like some real insight.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Girl, you need to leave him. In 3 years all he’s done is give you more opportunities to catch him, that’s the only change he’s made. If he’s NPD that means you’re more likely to fall for the gaslighting, the love bombing, if you want a drama-filled relationship you absolutely got it and congratulations. You can keep him, claim him, and that will be enough to keep good women away from him that would make him leave you but this honestly sounds toxic as hell. I’m assuming you have been with him despite the growing paranoia, despite the instilled insecurities he gave you, despite every emotional manipulation because you think being alone is somehow worse than being in a relationship that has you constantly watching your back and checking and rechecking his digital footprint. He no longer cares if he’s caught, he’s going to keep doing this. You need to go to therapy to recover from him before you ever think about dating someone else because if you can’t heal, you’ll just repeat this with every partner you have until you do.


You don’t want to be saved from this man, fine. Keep him. All the better to keep him away from the rest of the world. Don’t expect us to pity you for choosing to stay with an openly toxic man who actively causes most of the problems in your relationship.

[HelpfulWoman]

grown into a relationship where you literally FEEL THE NEED to look through his shit?
fuck off sprouting nonsense and thinking that this relationship is at all viable. it's a joke

[Billlewis]

Guys aren't supposed to cheat on women; women are the ones who should be cheating on guys, if anything.

[RHK36]

I think you need to move on and stop stalking loser dudes.

[RHK36]

Why ask people's opinions then because you don't agree you try to explain how we should be have. You're 21 and barely have experience in literally anything to compared to people twice your age.

Instead of deflecting and thinking you know it all, listen to some of the advice people give you. In 20 years you can tell me how people are and how they should behave. You sound as naive as any other young person that thinks they know how people really are.

Your guy cheated on you not once or twice, but multiple times because you accept that behavior. There's literally no acceptable reason for cheating, but you think people need to be forgiven. Good luck with life ✌🏽

[Pmtrout55]

Mmm. I don’t consider liking pics and texting people cheating. I just consider to be a lack of empathy for what this might do to the other person. And I forgive people. But when people can offer real advice and not just a quick “leave that mf”. Then I’m willing to listen.

[boggboss]

Nope I think u stayed with a guy that will break ur heart again

[boggboss]

The vary fact u police him shows this relationship won't last

[Pmtrout55]

OkY. Why do you say that?

[boggboss]

What do u mean why how is it not obvious u have to keep a eye on him for him to stay loyle do u not see the issue

[jahaims]

Have some self respect and find someone of quality