Guys, Need some help dicifering my friends feelings and how to address it, input?

[KCgiggles]

Apologies for the long read. Please bare with me:

So, I have this guy friend, & we've talked and hung out, here & there over the past 18 years. When we were younger I've sensed he had a crush.

Over this time, I've gotten married, had kids, & gotten divorced. Also during this time, we still had group outings, lunches.. etc. & I assumed he grew out of any feelings he may have had.

However, any time I have been distressed he has always allowed me to vent to him, whether it be over text, or in person. & always creates a Safe Space for me whenever I need it.

Here's the thing. Never (our entire lives) has he started a conversation with me, digitally. So we dont communicate often.

But, in person, (when it's just us) he holds conversation well, always makes it a point to make me feel better, listens, holds space, jokes, casual conversation... the whole 9.

After divorcing, I have allowed my own feelings about him come to surface...

I asked reddit about a specific situation encounter & the judgment was that he IS interested/does have some feelings.

Recently, after visiting with him, he said i should go over more often, & for the 1st time (after i applogized for staying longer than i should have) says "I'm glad you came over"

My Question is.. How else do I know forsure? (before asking directly) Him being someone who never initiates conversations over the phone. But when we do see eachother, he's very open.

Being friends for so long, if he does have some feelings, how should I go about expressing my own without down right saying it, so I can visually judge a bit more?

**NOTE.

He is very respectful & maintains boundaries well, so there is no concern about just physicality.

Also, side note: we have always said "I love you" after leaving eachother. (Something our small group of 3 always tell eachother) However, it SEEMS he tries to be the first to say it. The few times he didn't & I said it 1st it seemed to catch him off guard. -if this helps any.

Thanks!!

[MatureSexyClassy]

You are in a situation where the two of you have a lot of history and a bond of friendship. When it becomes romantic there is for the first time RISK involved. What a man SHOULD do is lay his emotions out on the table and take the risk of telling you how he feels and risk being rejected on the romantic level. However, it took me and it takes most men a VERY long time to really grow up enough to have the confidence and courage to do this the way a real man should and the way a woman like you truly deserves.

So you are asking if he is hinting at romance and should you make your feelings more known somehow? Well girl, the good news is that you may have the courage to tell him more of your feelings and take some of the risk. The bad news is that this is also a sign that he hasn't achieved a point of manhood to take charge confidently and be the one to make the move and reveal his emotions fully like a man. The full grown mature man move isn't even to say anything, it's just to say hey you know I really like you and then kiss you. THAT is being a mature guy.

So do I think he will get around to telling you or kissing you of his own accord? I don't know him so I don't know. Quite possibly not. So back to your original question you asked: How can you express your own feelings? Well the flirtatious things you could do that are not outright saying it would be staying closer to him, touching him some, looking into his eyes quite a lot, and just being generally very feminine and submissive in your demeanor. The more the better. Not crawling on him but being very touchy feely and attentive and sweet. Depending on how socially aware he is he may get it. If he makes a move by kissing you or verbally saying how he feels then hooray! It worked.

OR, if he plays it safe and asks you why you are doing these things you could then say with some sweet feeling "Because I really like you a lot and really want to spend time with you more." You need to be ready to say at least this much or something very very close to this. If you remain vague, he will probably hold off too. Not good.

He will have one of two reactions. Maybe he gets it and opens up. If so, hooray! It worked. Or it may cause his insecurities to trigger and he may panic and get scared of rejection just around the corner if he has misread you and reciprocates. I'm not trying to be pessimistic and say this will happen but not knowing him and the way things have gone between you two so far, it could. I will give you some advice if you do this and he freaks. Stay calm and kind and positive first of all. Don't even move possibly. Right then try to reassure him by saying "Hey it's ok, I can see you are not sure what to say. And it's ok. I'd really like to say more about how I feel about you, but I need you to say something too. I like you a lot, ok? Whatever you want to say is fine, as long as it is true." Again you need to be willing to break the ice with this kind of statement so he gets a green light to talk. You are also allowing him to possibly hurt you. I really truly do not think he will, but without taking a risk here and opening the door this much, there isn't enough freedom created for him to open up also. Transparency begets transparency but it takes the courage to get hurt. But it's worth it when you want to move the relationship forward.

In a perfect world, the guy makes the first moves. But you are asking a great question and I am answering you as honestly, realistically and as helpfully as I know how.

If you speak to him or anything happens and you want more advice feel free to message me anytime. I will be honest and I will tell you the truth. I was a guy just like him for a real long time. Trust me I have completely been there.

[Billlewis]

He sounds like a wonderful guy, and I think you'll enjoy being in whatever kind of relationship you ultimately settle on, ma'am. On a completely different subject, may I please tell you that your sign on name is driving me absolutely crazy? I love women who giggle, and I'd be thrilled if you'd like to follow me, so that hopefully I'll be able to message you occasionally. Thank you very much;)

[Avicenna]

He won't know you have these feelings unless you tell him

[In_Trance]

Tldr

[spartan55]

Do nothing and hope he makes a move. NOT

[Anonymous]

Take it one day at a time slowly