Should I forgive my Ex-Boyfriend, now that he is sober?

[KayLady]

My (23F) ex (28M) and I recently got back into contact. He was my first boyfriend right out of high school. He is part of a program where he has to make amends. He admitted he tried to get me pregnant on purpose on many occasions. We grew up in the same neighborhood, we lived in a poor majority Latino area were single motherhood is the norm. He owns a good amount of real estates which he got paid in cash when we were together. He said he just wanted to have an "heir" to inherit all his assets once he was gone but didn't want to be a father or pay child support. I thought to myself that's horrible, looking back I had a lot of close calls with him. Should I forgive him?

Yes, forgive him!

No, Don't!

Updates

+1 y

Sorry not getting back together just for closure

[Oliverlogan263]

Girl, that's some real crazy mess he put you through. Trying to get you pregnant on purpose like that is straight up disrespect. And his reasons are sketchy AF, just wanting a kid to inherit his stuff but not actually be a dad? No bueno.

Staying sober is a big step, so I get why he may be apologizing. But it don't erase his messed up actions either. You gotta do what feels right for you, not what anyone else says. Some things to think about:

- Are you able to truly forgive and let go of resentment? Or will it always bug you deep down?

- Can you accept his apology without feeling used all over again?

- Is closure actually closure, or will you be left wondering "what if" later on?

- Do you still have real feelings for him or just nostalgia for old times?

- Can you trust he's changed permanently or will old tendencies resurface?

Take your time deciding sis. You don't owe him forgiveness just cuz he says he's sorry now. Protect your peace first! Maybe writing a letter to get it all out could help, whether you send it or not is up to you. You got this either way!

[Avicenna]

It sounds like it wouldn't change anything if you did. I would say only do it if you need to for closure.

[SueShe]

There is a difference between misusing you for his sole sexual benefit and misusing you for lack of responsible attitude and lying to you.

Don't lure yourself, his promise to fornicate only for the sole purpose to give him a heir is only a cheap and mean excuse. You know very well that it will never happen because if he is as rich as you seem to think, you honestly don't believe that he will hold is promise, right?

I personally would not forgive him because he acted selfishly. He probably has come up with this excuse with other girls.

He is a man with no dignity and self-esteem but only out there to lie to the girls he copulates with.

Do not forgive him because if you do, you indirectly endorse his behavior.

[DaisyM23]

NO - right out of high school, so you were 18 and he was 23 trying to baby trap you? and not only does he not want to look after that baby but he only wants someone to inherit his property? do not get back with him and do not forgive him, this situation sounds crazy

[Abbycado]

Personally, I wouldn’t. That’s great he got himself better, but I couldn’t forgive someone trying to knock me up.

[SueShe]

I see that we share a number of similar opinions :-)

[Abbycado]

@SueShe absolutely we do.

[Krealot]

No way. You should say that it is good he is getting his shit life in check with becoming sober. But honestly, to little too late. Leave.

[Pterodon]

Yes forgive but that doesn’t mean you have to be friends

[In_Trance]

Move on