Ever since I began to have a love life, (i'm a woman). My gay friend who was my bestfriend at that time seemingly got jealous and said we wouldn't anymore be talking much to each other. I got hurt and was really shocked because he was normally passive. He said I treated him like a trash can and I was actually just sharing my love life problems to him.
Then, years later. We seemingly lost touch and whenever I invite him, he no longer accepts readily. He only accepts when there are 3 or more people and not only us. I once in a while miss him but wonder how good of a friend he is to become like this due to my "having no time" when normally once there's a love life, it is normal for time to get affected.
We have moved on past it but I still sense we are not the same ever. It feels sad to lose a friend over that but i wonder why i should lose him in the first place. I mean he is gay. He shouldn't be jealous and put boundaries. Now, i feel we are just like acquaintances. I'm over it but can just feel sad once in awhile that it became like this. Why do you think he got jealous if he is gay? Are all friends like this?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
2Opinion
There are SO many guys pretending to be gay just to get into a girls effections they would otherwise not stand a chance with (its sad). Real gay guys do enjoy all kinds of company but they avoid female company generally because there's a good chance a straight girl might develop complicated feelings for them. So if they do hang out with girls its with a larger group of gay friends.
In general terms, if a guy is coming to you pushing that he's gay and therefore you should be friends, most of the time it's a straight guy trying to use your lowered barrier of keeping a guys company (since most women feel safe around gay men because they can relax about why they are in their company, hence why the straight creeps use the guise to worm their way in). What you describe sounds exactly like this and I'm really glad you didn't get drawn into his arc of manipulation.
I'd bet he was jealous because he was hoping he'd get to know you as a 'gay guy' then suddenly confess he was 'going straight' because he fell in love with you.
Okay, so, when it comes to friends; If your friend is a potential sexual match, then the friendship always has an element of risk (of one or both parties realising its different). A real friend though, will be neutral with you, they will neither hanker for your company nor will they leave you hanging in a pinch. My male best friend, I haven't spoken to for months now, but when we DO speak we are immediately back to being bestest friends, because its about the friendship and that survives regardless of how much we see one another (that might be unique to guy friends, but I suspect it more generally applies).
Do ask yourself though, ask why you care. I get your looking for answers why anyone would be the way you've encountered, but with a friend it doesn't matter (overly) your just friends and should accept how each other is (not take upset of each other). Though maybe your closer than you realised? Worth considering.
That's when you *know* you're extremely attractive -- when even a gay guy is insanely jealous of your male lovers;)