Why is this guy pursuing me if he knows I'm gay?

[cth2188]

Of course, I care about my friends , but I think a formed friend of minds has caught feelings and keeps mentioning he doesn't do long-distance relationships. .. I never saw him as a romantic interest despite the fact that there was care there. My interest is women and will always be women. I ended the friendship because of his toxic behavior that has me confused of his intentions * mixed signals and hot and cold behavior* to say we're just friends. I feel like things are changing for me and the direction in life I'm going and I have nothing in common with the guy * back to school , a move in 2 months, and running my business * if anything this guy is a drain and just wants to talk while I'm busy with other things in my life.. he doesn't respect boundaries and seems selfish

Updates

+1 y

I tried being friends with men and it never works out because they can never keep it mutual or platonic. He will be the last man I deal with on a platonic level sorry... the unnecessary stress and drama he included me in our friendship wasn't needed. No lesbians can't be friends with men..

[blueonblack22]

Because no straight man will ever seek out a woman just to be friends with her. Even if she is openly lesbian he will feel biological impulses if he finds her attractive.

That’s not to say he shouldn’t have respected your boundaries. Not saying his actions were okay. But he’s hoping he will be the one to “turn you straight”. He might of even started out with good intentions but found himself liking you the more he got to know you.

Anyway this must be a very difficult position for you but I would recommend only being friends with gay men. Straight men don’t like wasting their time on women they can’t have.

However is a silver lining with all this. If you have straight guys hitting on you it’s because you are likely feminine and attractive. The vast majority of straight men are not attracted to masculine “butch” lesbians. They don’t like being friends with them either. They might relate to them more but the butch types are usually angry and difficult to get along with.

[cth2188]

Yeah may be his be option

[blueonblack22]

@cth2188 I will continue on this thread to get the distraction of patois talking.

But really you seem like a very angry person.

I get it you felt betrayed by that man. But that was disingenuous what he did. He either lied about just wanting to be friends from the start. Or he developed feelings later as he got to know you. I can be sympathy for the latter (and maybe you should to). However I think he was the former. We can both agree he is a piece of shit.

So assuming it was the former then take it as a hard lesson when men tell you “they don’t mind being friends”. If it was the latter what he should have said (and what I would said) was this “Look. I find myself having feelings for you. It’s probably better I go along because I know that will never work.” But I take it he didn’t do that. But both former or latter are still the same. Men do NOT intentionally become platonic friends with women. Especially if they are in dating range. Even if the range was said of be “off limits” (you only like women).

But again you can defy my advice and throw all men under the bus. But you can’t deny the truth no matter how much you don’t like it. Men and women can be FRIENDLY but that NOT friends. No.

The only true best friend to a man should be his serious girlfriends or wife. Accept that. If don’t you will skip further into bitterness, misandry and hatred.

At least I have personally accepted the ugly truth about women: they only value men for what AGENCY men can provide them (looks, money, sex, protection, strong male logic, social optics, etc.). However women do NOT value men for just existing. But yet vice versa is demanded and often granted. You will never how special you are for JUST being a woman.

[cth2188]

Of course I feel betrayed he fucked up a great friendship due to his manipulating mind games - idc about him catching feelings

[cth2188]

I told another poster I didn't initiate friendship he did - he should have respected ur friendship and kept it there after all I didn't meet him on a dating app I met him on a group with others on tiktok

[blueonblack22]

@cth2188 “ he fucked up a great friendship”

You can not bond with another man the same way you expect to bond with another woman.

I agree he handled this wrong. But you need to give up that expectation that men look to born with females platonically because we do NOT. Not to say we can’t be friendly and respectful. But you will NEVER be the equivalent to another male friendship to him. Never. And that’s how it is regardless of a woman’s sexual orientation. It’s simply because women gain a lot more than men in most platonic “friendships”. It’s just how it is.

And I am not justifying what he did. But you have to get rid of that naive mindset that men look at “platonic friendships” with the other gender the same way women do. Men don’t seek that out and for good reason. Women usually benefit much more out of that. And a man’s time, effort, resources, etc are valuable to him. We don’t “need” women as platonic friends to survive in this world.

[cth2188]

I'm past this conversation - I have no emotional ties to men nor do I care

[cth2188]

Idc what you men want and will never deal with any of you moving forward platonic and never deal with any of you romantic wise

[blueonblack22]

@cth2188 hey best of luck. I actually was trying to help you.

Personally I accepted years ago that woman don’t think the same way I do. If naively think otherwise I will get burned. And I’ve been burned very bad before multiple times.

At least you have an advantage of knowing how women think when it comes to dating. Anyway best of luck. I was just trying to tell what you needed to hear vs what you wanted to hear.

[cth2188]

He offered friendship not me hence why I said lesbians and men could never be friends- so men shouldn't be upset when lesbians reject them

[cth2188]

Idc what you think I need to hear - I already know how you men are

[cth2188]

You men should leave lesbians alone - don't pursue, don't chase, when she tells you - she's lesbian back off - I have no ties to this man at all emotionally or mentally no loss here

[Somoneelse]

Most men get even more attracted when they find out a girl is lesbian. No idea why tho but some of them always say "what's better than the thing you like? Two of them!". Sorry to hear that guy just couldn't accept the fact you're not into him or into other men. He should have accepted that and respect your boundaries. So yeah maybe the block was the only thing that might work then.

I'm also surprised on the comments here from some people trying to convince you to date men again. Wtf?

[cth2188]

They must be delusional its mostly men yeah the dude went bazooka

[Miah04]

Guys don't care.

It's so crazy because if a gay dude wouldn't stop pursing a straight guy they go crazy.

But it's ok for a straight guy to refuse to stop pursuing a gay woman

[cth2188]

I know and men get crazy when lesbians reject them as we should because we already know how most of them are - I don't know how you guys straight women deal with them and bi women have more of an advantage

[sheikalana]

He has hope you could give him a chance.

[cth2188]

Absolutely not he needs therapy beyond that mentally he's not in a good place lots of issues

[cth2188]

Ending our friendship was best and the toxicity/ chaos he brought

[sheikalana]

Block and delete him everywhere cut all forms of contact.

[cth2188]

I did no worries trying to heal from him my only regret was accepting his text 3 nights ago instantly was drained and depleted knew it was time to end it

[cth2188]

Anything that hurts my health has to go

[cth2188]

Last option is to change my number if he calls me from another number

[coachTanthony]

because it worked for Ben Affleck in Chasing Amy lol

[cth2188]

Unfortunately he got blocked 🚫 and he loss 📉

[coachTanthony]

No he didn't lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1JAILio6-s

[cth2188]

He's blocked because I blocked him and he never had access to me

[cth2188]

He can chase until he's tired aslong as he doesn't show up in my state I'm good

[coachTanthony]

Oh well good for you... just saying men think they can turn gay women thanks to movies like this.

[cth2188]

Ik it's sad. . .. or when they bone a pretend lesbian they think it's one. " No, it's just a bisexual dude " aslong as you have been following me I don't get down with the penis just who I am

[V_Injector]

I tried to kiss my lesbian friend and got the hots for her... she probably felt the same as you do about this other dude. I always get the rejection from the lesbians. What irks me is years down the line I hear that they hooked up with a dude or two. Why couldn't they just try my dick out for the fun of it, if they're just going to go for dick later on? I dunno. Granted that some of the situations sounded more like them trading sexual favors for drugs.

So I guess if I'm ever going to bang lesbians, I need to keep a stash of hard drugs on hand to get them to green light wrapping their vaginas around my pulsating man meat.

[Curmudgeon]

Here's a term you should know:
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lesbian_until_graduation

[V_Injector]

@Curmudgeon Thank you! I feel like my life long observation has been observed and defined by others (because it has if others even made a Wikipedia page about it). I mean even some of my lesbian friends complain about those fake "bi" girls that don't really want pussy... they just do it for social reasons.

Nothing stranger than your female friend complaining about a female not giving them the pussy just like some of my male friends complained after marriage.

LUG... I've seen it so much and never had a term for it. I wonder if there is a term for those girls that start getting gay with each other to get male attention? Like, they have no intention of getting with each other, but they use it as a thirst trap to get my attention.

[Curmudgeon]

Exactly, and I honestly think @cth2188 IS in this category, even though she vehemently states otherwise. "The lady doth protest too much, methinks", as we all should have learned in high school (or ideally middle school) Shakespeare, although given what the Demunist Commiecrats have done to the school systems, I suppose they are not teaching that anymore.

That stated, how long are you going to wait for a fickle lady to outgrow her what seems to be not mandatory experimentation phase? 5 years? 10? So, just forget it and move on, and @cth2188 is absolutely correct in that sense.

However,

[Anonymous]

I think he is trying to help you see the light and bring out your feminine side.

Even if you think your gay, doesn't mean your entirely so. In the end a romantic relationships is more about what you can do for each-other than how you feel.

How you feel is something you can control and thus your happiness and your desires can be met in any kind of arrangement. What you can offer him and he you is far more than what any woman can offer you in the long run. If you can see the value of that relationship you can still live a normal life.

[cth2188]

No he was stalking me , over stepping boundaries, and playing mind games

[cth2188]

I never dated this guy and never saw him as a romantic interest

[cth2188]

Hopefully he can get some help- I don't date men and never will

[cth2188]

I've been gay most of my life and have no desire to be in a relationship with a man ever

[Opinion Owner]

@cth2188 There are a lot of things we think we don't want until we try them, just as there are countless desires which we should never have.
If life were about following your carnal desires you would be living as an animal.

[cth2188]

My desire is a woman and will be women - every relationship I've had has been with women

[cth2188]

No to you men

[cth2188]

I can't offer him shyt

[Opinion Owner]

@cth2188
You can offer him a baby just as he can offer you. You can offer him a natural bounding just as he can offer you.

The fact that you have never even tried a relationships with a man only reinforces the notion that you really don't know any better.

[cth2188]

Dude I'm not into in fucking you men get over it pls ! I don't have to think I'm gay this is who I am - I strictly date women - it's a no bud I find nothing about men attractive not even your dicks

[Opinion Owner]

@cth2188 If you think life is purely about personal pleasure you were lost as a human-being. You might as well be an animal if that is all your interested in.

[cth2188]

If I wanted to fuck a man he'd paid me - since I don't desire too it's only women

[cth2188]

I look forward to my wife who I plan on marrying

[Opinion Owner]

@cth2188 Not sure how you can 'marry' a woman given your incapable of consummating such a union for want of needed parts. Such a 'secured' union is also pointless as there is no possibility of any indivisible common interest to bind you regardless of your free wills.

As such there is no reason to desire or require such involuntary bonds. For the same reason there is no indivisible common interest preventing either party from simply walking away when the same interest drive them to.

Like it or not your feelings for other people and theirs for you can and often do change that is their nature.
If your commitment is to said feelings as your here demonstrating in preferring relationships for that reason alone. You should not expect any such relationship to ever be any more stable than said feelings which is what we call a mere "friendship".

But if you want to lie to yourself and everyone else and claim that relationships is a 'marriage' i guess not even the goverment is stopping you from stealing public resources to do so. But you haven't changed the basic nature of the relationship you have. You have just needlessly entangled others into your own lies.

[cth2188]

Why do I need a man to have a baby? I had my kids and if I want more vitro fertilization and aperm donors exist as well as adoption agencies

[cth2188]

I couldn't live with one of you either less more fuck you 💯 me and a man in the same space f no we are not the same

[cth2188]

MIT every woman wants you men at least I don't csn vouch for other women - no I'm not interested in giving up my space and freedom for you men - I rather live with women than men

[cth2188]

Note * don't hate you men , but don't desire anything with you - my happiness as always been with women

[Opinion Owner]

@cth2188 your not describing why you can't live with a man, can you not tolerate a roommate?

[cth2188]

Why do I need to live with a man , have sex with one , or deal with one? No I'm not interested in you men's company unless for labor amd service work I'm hiring you for

[cth2188]

Men are real pressed when women don't want to be bothered by many of you - there are some women who don't enjoy the company, energy, or time of men - I don't give my energy to men especially if I don't deal with them

[cth2188]

I think you're the thatbtyoe of guy - unless I'm hiring a man for services or etc I dont see the need to deal with you men in any other levels

[cth2188]

That type *

[cth2188]

Truth be told I don't like men attraction wise

[Opinion Owner]

@cth2188
Although it is your duty to carry on the flame of life as you're had by others been carried by others for you.

That naturally speaking if you are indeed a woman you need a man to do this just as you need a man to engage in actual sex.

The simple fact is you can live for own feelings as evolutionary dead end animal and choose to do none of theses things as unfortunately far too many people in the west have been corrupted into doing for the population to even sustain itself.

This isn't the question, the question is why is it soo hard to tolerate a man's existence and cooperation. Your answer implied is you have decided to forsaken your duty and live as an animal for yourself alone.
To that end I see no reason why you should be included among any decent sociality as you by self-serving choice do nothing to sustain that. This is why your not entitled to any public acknowledgement or benefit. You are a freeloader on life on the back of other people's decades of hard work.

[Cheapskate]

You don't have a duty to suck it up when some guy you are not into is wasting your time. Just tell him it's not gonna happen and you wish him well.

[cth2188]

I did I made it clear through this board I blocked him almost a week ago

[cth2188]

It's over

[Cheapskate]

I don't read through every comment.

[Drewtate]

He wants to have sex with you. I've had sex jn the past with a lesbian, she preferred women but I enjoyed myself

[cth2188]

Ok well that's not happening- he's blocked due to his toxic behavior

[cth2188]

Plus we live states away and even if I were straight he wouldn't have a chance - waiting on my girlfriend

[bobby_bush_eater]

He simply believes as many others do, there's no such thing as a gay woman. Only confused or bisexual 🤷‍♂️

[cth2188]

I'm gay and eat pussy not suck dick yuck

[cth2188]

He was dumb to pursue and chase plus got blocked

[cth2188]

Well you men will find out that not everyone wants you or to f you cause I sure don't

[bobby_bush_eater]

I was just answering your question...

[cth2188]

All this extra was irrelevant

[Still-alive]

He probably has a huge ego and thinks your gayness is a challenge he can overcome and win you... just tell him 'it doesn't work like that bro' and leave him to the dust lol

[cth2188]

I had to block him and end our friendship hopefully he csn get the help he needs

[Still-alive]

Unfortunately i doubt he'd learn from this or 'get help'. the type of conceit it takes for a guy like this to think they can win you... thats not something they can just snap out of... yeah he won't learn anything. so just leave him in the dust bin.

[cth2188]

Can he needs therapy asap

[cth2188]

Right he's gone and so am I

[David94358]

what did he do specifically? did he ask you to date or have sex?

[cth2188]

Date and now has become obsessed then blocked

[David94358]

Yeah he caught feeling and I guess hoped that you where maybe a little BI curious. It's hard for men and women to be friends if one of them find the other attractive

[cth2188]

He lost

[cth2188]

Hopefully he can get some theraphy beyond this he's toxic and needs professional help

[David94358]

Nah if you like someone you have to shoot your shot. Yeah it was a long shot hoping that you might be a little bi but got to give it a go. Can't loose something you never had..

[cth2188]

No he's become obsessed and toxic he has mental problems why our friendship ended from the start

[cth2188]

Never slept with this guy and cared for him , but he took it to the next level with his chaotic behavior

[cth2188]

Yeah he needs therapy

[David94358]

Sorry to hear he got toxic

[cth2188]

No he's been toxic since day 1 what's been protecting me is me rejecting him with my sexuality

[cth2188]

I tolerated it on and off last year , but nothing has changed with this guy since he came back around

[David94358]

If he was toxic from day one then why where you friends with him in the first place?

[cth2188]

His hot and cold behavior started 3 months going in... I never too much cared since I'm not emotional tied to men in the first place

[cth2188]

Emotionally- until just recent I felt like I need to end it due to changes and other stressors in my life

[cth2188]

Me ending it was the best thing

[David94358]

I think the lesson here is dont be friends with toxic people, your sexuality and his sexuality is completely irrelevant to this.. toxic? Nope

[cth2188]

Well I can't change toxic people idc that he's toxic - was more concerned about my safety and his behavior. Seems a lot of people are shyt nowadays and need therapy

[cth2188]

Yes he is toxic someone obessessing , stalking my social media pages, and not respecting my boundaries are toxic traits

[cth2188]

I deleted 2 pages because of this guy and blocked him officially and men shouldn't pursue lesibans dumb on their part

[cth2188]

I have a friend guy been friends with 20 years and never pursued me ever he's like a big brother

[Comingback]

Well, you're gay, but he finds you attractive. What if you find a straight woman attractive? You can't help it right?

[cth2188]

I don't date straight women great Q nah I pass

[cth2188]

I may find them attractive, but will never date them

[Comingback]

I did not mean that he should date you, obviously it can't happen. But if he has feelings for you, he simply wouldn't be able to help it

[cth2188]

I can't control how he feels - he should find someone else

[cth2188]

I rejected him so many times he's messed up mentally and emotionally- he needs therapy before he hurts someone else

[cth2188]

A guy like this would hurt a woman based on rejection- luckily I live states away where he can't get to me or know where I live

[Comingback]

There is really no telling what the situation is actually like, you both seem emotionally charged about this. If he deliberately ignores your rejections and or tries to stalk or hurt you, then you're absolutely right.

[cth2188]

No shyt I just said that I blocked this dude on 2 social media pages and on my phone I'm not emotionally charged- I've been rejecting this dude for MONTHS - putting distance between us and setting boundaries and yet he couldn't take the hint to nove tf on

[cth2188]

If he shows up on my property I will shoot him in self defense

[cth2188]

For trespassing and harassment

[cth2188]

Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out we dont pursue or chase women who don't us .. clearly the dude is fucked up psychologically and mentally - shouldn't be oit here dating with his mindset or approaching women as toxic as he is.

[cth2188]

Move * in the end I got hurt - never again

[Comingback]

I mean, all due respect, but you've written so many comments one after the other about the same point. You seem really pissed off.

[cth2188]

Yeah - clearly you don't get it - it's abuse what he was doing and no I'm not pissed off - like I said I will unalive him if he shows up on my property it's a safety measure

[Quigly]

Cause Gay women live double lives and get with guys too. They can't have children any other way.

[cth2188]

You have to be dumb af - vitro fertilization, sperm donors, adoption agencies and no I'm not interested in dick

[Quigly]

Don't get your dildo in a twist. There's not a gay girl out there that's against penetrative sex.
Amber Heard is a Homosexual and she Married Johnny Depp.
Kelly McGillis knew she was gay from the time she was a teenager and she has been married to men twice.
Gay women get with men all the time.

[cth2188]

Any woman that calls herself lesbian and is taking penis isn't gay - I barely use my dildo and not interested in dick

[cth2188]

Just because gay women screw men doesn't mean there's an emotional connection there- I'm not emotionally tied to men

[Quigly]

So, you're saying any gay girl that uses a Dildo and likes penetrative sex isn't gay. That's a lot of woman that call themselves gay. I am not saying they just screw men, they Marry Men. Must be some connection.
Maybe women get tired of other women's B. S. and need a break,
A guy is just a sane woman with a built in Dildo.
Anyway, Just because a person is gay doesn't mean they don't get with the opposite sex.

[cth2188]

No they're not gay - just because lesibans use straps and dildos doesn't define her sexuality- you men and these stupid logics - a woman who hops from men to women isn't gay their bisexual

[cth2188]

A lesbian can screw a man and not be tied to him emotionally- lol at the end of the day , women will choose a woman over a man for a relatively and use men for fun time because she's scared to come out to family and friends

[cth2188]

I'm sorry you men are bamboozled with this notion

[cth2188]

Women domt take breaks from sexuality because their tired of women's bs like bisexuals do lol a woman taking dick and screwing men isn't gay

[cth2188]

Don't ^

[Quigly]

Those women consider themselves gay. I guess all gay people are different and disagree about a lot of things. I don't see your views as the one and only voice representing all gay people.

[cth2188]

I speak for legitimate gays not the fake ones

[Quigly]

Well, nobody can tell if you're the fake or the real deal.

Is a transgender a legitimate gendered person or a fake gendered person?

[cth2188]

It's not for anyone to determine the point I'd I don't date men and never will.

[cth2188]

I'm not interested in fucking this guy or dating him

[cth2188]

He's toxic af snd needs help not a relationship

[Quigly]

So, why not tell him instead of the internet?
Honestly, it sounds like this guy is gay too from what you tell me. Mixed signals, hot and cold behavior and being toxic are all signs of homosexuality. Did you become friends with him at the gay club?

[cth2188]

I did cleary he doesn't respect boundaries- so I blocked him which I updated throughout this post over a week ago

[cth2188]

The dude is f up mentally and emotionally he has issues and needs therapy not a relationship- I feel for the next woman he meets..

[cth2188]

I met this guy in a Christian based group I created so some men screaming their Christian men are just as worse

[cth2188]

I've concluded some of you men are F up and you're messing women up with your chaotic behavior- women should avoid

[Quigly]

So you are a Homosexual woman that goes to Christian based groups to meet heterosexual men and Can't understand why he would think you are heterosexual woman. Christian based groups don't follow the rainbow. You are going to the wrong places.

If you want a Homosexual Man that wears dresses go to the gay clubs.

[cth2188]

You have poor understanding I met this guy along with other in Christian based group on tik tok that I started- yes you can be Christian and gay or a believer in God the other issue I have with you striaght people you're judgmental af - the matter of the point I don't want him or any man for that matter nor ever saw him as a romantic interest or anything worth pursing and still don't- he was wasting his time if he though me and him were gonna get together

[cth2188]

This is why gay people don't include you people in our spaces - I don't deal with too many straught people so I should excluding straight people out my life due to myself sexuality- great

[cth2188]

Any man coming onto me is stupid rightfully if they think I want them even after telling them I'm gay

[cth2188]

He was stupid point blank and period and should have used his dominance else where on heterogeneous women

[cth2188]

Heterosexual women ^ stop pursing lesibans

[cth2188]

I disagree- I know plenty of straight people who have kids who are gay , spouses, and other family members- I'm not asking for any acceptance- I stay clear of straight people especially men - you sound like an idiot or ignorant good luck out here

[BLP11520]

I have heard of this situation before I do not understand it maybe he thinks he’ll change you that I do not know🤔

[cth2188]

I don't know either its crazy

[BLP11520]

Right

[CubaPirate]

Obviously he like a challenge. But in this case we all know he can't win lol

[cth2188]

He lost- he just move on

[cth2188]

He should just move on

[cth2188]

Not moving forward with him

[CubaPirate]

Quite right too 👍

[Bobby88t]

But i think it works with a men. Im impotent and have got female friends who like me

[Nikki1989]

That won't stop most guys.

[laly520]

maybe he wants to change u forcefully

[cth2188]

He lost and now blocked 🚫- blocked him 2 days ago

[laly520]

good u made right decision

[cth2188]

Yes ❤️

[Alex-Snow]

He may think that you could be bi perhaps?

[cth2188]

No, he knows I'm gay

[Alex-Snow]

Have u asked him?

[cth2188]

Why do I need to ask him when I told him? Furthermore I had to block him because he was toxic and overstepping boundaries

[Alex-Snow]

Good idea keep him blocked and ghost him hopefully he will get a life and move on.

[cth2188]

Hopefully.. I'm not dealing with him again

[Alex-Snow]

U go girl!

[cth2188]

Yeah

[MaxUsefull]

Maybe because you are pretty 😂

[cth2188]

Yeah, but it's over