Do I have a chance with this guy? Is what he did considered cheating?

Question

We both train muay thai. I'm single, the guy I like isn't, he's got a long time girlfriend - I did try to forget him after learning that, it sort of worked - but then last Friday night happened - an anniversary night out with the group.

At first we didn't even say hi to each other, then he came over later and we talked, asked each other questions, he remembered stuff about me, we spent pretty much most of the evening at the pub together. People were giving us looks, asking us if we're a couple. I didn't dare to hope for anything to happen.

We went to a club, a fight happened, he was quite mad so he just kept drinking more. He got drunk but not crazy drunk. I wanted to leave by taxi but he wouldn't let me go so I said "OK, let's get you home". He needed to sit down on the way, he pulled me to him. He kept touching my body, over and under clothes. I really tried to make him come to his senses, I mentioned his girlfriend many times. After an hour he asked me for a kiss, I kissed him and then it got more heated. He would probably sleep with me.

He was there with me for over 2 hours, outside in the cold - just why? Before leaving he told me to text him, I told him to add me first. And he did. We did chat together, he told me he remembers parts and me. Then we had a 2 hours long call and I was quite honest about what I want. He said he finds me pretty, so very feminine and sympathetic, but he's with a girlfriend and he doesn't wanna ruin what he has and that we should take this the "sportsmanship way".

He doesn't really seem happy, but he still wants to be with her? I am more attractive than her, significantly even.
I guess there is no chance for me. He didn't text me after I left him on seen (I just felt hurt) and I doubt he will again...

1 • What am I supposed to do? He told me to stay positive that I don't know what future holds for us?
2 • Did he text and call me just to make sure I don't tell or show my feelings? Or may he feel something?

JoePro_ · Accepted Answer

Physical attractiveness isn't what keeps most men with their SO. It's a sense of duty and devotion. Certain things might get us with that person initially, but what keeps us with that person then falls on us. Him being drunk lowered his inhibitions, and as such was more willing to act on those more primal things with attraction, such as physical attractiveness, but once he "came to" he knew he acted poorly toward his girlfriend and failed in his duty toward her.

Did he cheat? I think "yes", at least in certain senses, but not in any unredeemable way. Really, if his girlfriend finds out, that will fall on her to decide how "over the line" he stepped. Not us.

That said, to answer your questions:
1. I would stay positive, as he recommended, because it's not a bad recommendation. But I wouldn't wait around for him either. Whether you like him or not, what happened between you two probably won't happen again, unless you guys all plan on getting wasted more often than you currently do.
2. It's possible he wanted to be sure you two were on the same page and with what happened was between you two. I can see myself feeling that way in a similar situation. Wanting to make sure we realized that it was something of a "mistake" but that there's no hard feelings and we still care about each other as teammates of a sort. I don't think he called or texted because he felt something too, even if he did feel something too. I think your first guess is the right one. Coming from the perspective of a guy, regardless what he felt (because we typically don't 'act' based on feelings, we tend to act based on logic and what's currently on our plate), he probably wanted to be sure that you two were still on good terms but knew that it shouldn't have happened.

I think you have every right to feel confused and hurt. I can certainly understand why. But I would recommend moving on. Don't let it affect your working relationship with him, and don't let it hold you back from finding someone who might be better suited to actually having a real relationship with you, right here and right now.

Bklynbadboy12 · Accepted Answer

This guy is a piece of shit he's playing with you. Your to good for him he's using you dump!

Account · Accepted Answer

What is going on with your self esteem lately and why are you seeking validation from a person who told you that it was nothing for him and that he has someone else.
Why don't you respect yourself? He is a piece of shit but that doesn't mean that you have to put yourself through all that crap for someone who doesn't give a shit neither about you nor about his girlfriend.

laly520 · Accepted Answer

I think he is there for ur body

he seems to be interested in ur body n isn't focused on any of feelings

the fact he has a girlfriend is also a big red flag of a jerk player

I dont know why u r concerned about what he is doing

he is def not worth ur time

lightbulb27 · Answer

There's no way around attraction, connection and signals... with 4 billion humans, your gonna find some you connect with or confuse just because you are doing well... even ones you compete against.

Add alcohol and drugs and that thows things off... can't trust anything they do or say to be real.

Question is what values you hold.

Yes he cheated and more importantly, he was stupid. ya don't drink with some other woman when ya have a girlfriend.

maybe he's not happy, but that's for him to resolve separate from you. maybe there's a good reason for that.

Finchie40 · Answer

This guy is sadly just playing you and trying to take advantage of you , he is clearly a cheater , why would you want to be with a guy that can easily cheat on his girlfriend with you ? What makes you think he wouldn’t eventually do this to you, if he decided to end things with his current girlfriend to be with you? You already kissed him and you already allowed him to touch you , so he already cheated on his girlfriend , so I hate to break it to you , but you are just being vulnerable to his bullshit words to you. He is just telling you things that you want to hear. Wake up and do yourself a favor and kick this guy to the curb where he belongs or you’re just going to set yourself up for failure and dig your own grave by falling for his bullshit. If he really liked you and wanted to be with you , he would of told you right then and there that he is going to end things with his girlfriend to be with you but instead he is choosing his girlfriend over choosing
You , he is pretty much just trying to keep you around as a convenience , or a side piece and that’s clearly up to you , if you just want to be a side piece? but don’t ever expect true love with this guy , because this guy only loves himself and only loves what he can receive from others. He clearly doesn’t love his girlfriend for the fact that he already cheated on her with you , it will just be a matter of time before shit hits the fan and his girlfriend finds out how much of a piece of shit he truly is , people like him do not know how to love , they only love themselves.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

It doesn't matter whether it meets your technical definition. Would he reach into your pants and start fondling you if his girlfriend was sitting there? Of course not. It is a violation of her trust.

And if he leaves her and gets with you, then you will be the next girlfriend he cheats on.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

Leave him alone that's what you can do. He has a girlfriend. Don't get close to him again just because you like him, since what comes around goes around. I am sure if a girl did that to you, you would be hurt so it still doesn't make it right that you aren't dating someone. I blame both parties because you are both trash when you go out of your way to hurt someone in the process of your own happiness. Plus it seems very clear he likes his girlfriend more or he would have dumped her right away if he was that into you and troubles at home were so "bad". Any guy will fuck any girl that is pretty and will let him, that doesn't mean he actually wants you, so you better remember that. Being more pretty doesn't mean you have what it takes to be someones partner it just mean you have what it takes to go to bed with.

bobalife · Answer

Of course making out and touching is cheating. Nah he’s playin with you and just keeping you around for potential booty if he changes his mind by sayin stay positive for the future. Every cheater (most times) claim they’re unhappy but obviously won’t leave and so it’s BS. He’s just eating two cakes at the same time and you’re both being played unfortunately. Move on and don’t be the other woman.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

So he thinks it right to sleep with you, whilst also not wanting to ruin the relationship he has with his girlfriend?

The guy sounds like REAL catch! Surely you can do better for yourself than get caught up in a very messy triangle! No?

I mean.. come on.. He's a cheater. You already KNOW what to do..

winetime · Answer

Girl, you don't want someone who's busy with the next new shiny toy constantly. You'd be worried about that stuff if someone pretty comes along. It's not worth it nor will it ever be worth it.

I pity the girlfriend, she deserves so much better.

sage2021 · Answer

Keep telling yourself over and over everytime you think about him - say to yourself "He is unavailable to me". I did that before and it helped. I guess I drilled it into my head.

strateguy632 · Answer

he cheated that was cheating, he would cheat on you too. get a real man

BadApple69 · Answer

All is fair in love and war. If you want him go for it.

NathanDavis · Answer

you are BOTH cheating on his girlfriend, not just him

Lara_Croft · Answer

Move on, he has à girlfriend and basically cheated on her with you even if you didn't have sex. It's all about the golden rule, dont you think he'd do the same if you were together

Starrrboy · Answer

I'm gonna be honest... You're so, sooo meek and submissive.. you're down for anything.. he literally has a girlfriend, you're very aware you're a side piece and somehow it doesn't bother you at all..

Billlewis · Answer

You may have a chance, depending on how many other options he has.

Staximus · Answer

Don't get your hopes up over drunk Romeo

Anonymous · Answer

He for sure went too far and he indeed cheated. Plus he will for sure cheat on more girls.

Anonymous · Answer

He is using you and you are letting him do it.

888theGreat · Answer

Don't be a meddler in another relationship. You don't want to end up in hell.

Abdulwahh · Answer

Nah he has a girl just leave it what if he knocks you up and leave and then?

PeterLegg91 · Answer

It's a difficult one :(

Do I have a chance with this guy? Is what he did considered cheating?

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