My boyfriend just bodyshamed me saying that my thighs are growing way too much and my belly too. He doesn't have the right to say this, right?

[Anonymous]

We were having a casual convo and I generally said that i am hungry. He said that dont eat too much, look at where your thighs are going. You are soon gonna have stretch marks. He knows that i’ve been hitting the gym whenever i get time from office. He himself is insecure about his body sometimes and THIS COMMENT HAS HIT MY INSECURITY LIKE A TRUCK.

[V_Injector]

So you're getting fat?

I mean maybe it hurts you so much because you feel like it's true and you've been trying to ignore it.

I mean think about it... some dork on this site says I can't get laid and I just sort of chuckle because if they even knew about my 4 digit bodycount. Har Har you funny internet dorks. BUUUUUUT, when they point out that I'm a raunchy man-slut... it kinda stings because I know it's true.

With all that said, use it as motivation to maybe stop eating so much food or at least change what you're eating, or to try harder in the gym. You say he's insecure about himself as well... consider he might be seeing your progress and it's making him nervous because he knows he'll have to put in more effort because you have (he could be trying to trip you basically). <--I say use it as motivation and take it to the next level. Don't let him bring you down like that. In fact, make him think he better diet because you can pull better than him, put in your work for that ability though.

[Flatmanlewis]

It really depends on the dynamic of your relationship. Sounds like, based on your question alone, this is not the case for you. Perhaps you need to explain the boundaries you expect him to operate within. Also, was be being mean spirited? Honestly offering an opinion he thought you would want and just fumbled the delivery? Is he just a arrogant jerk and this is how he treats people? I think the context matters.


When my wife asks me about her figure she’s not looking for positive reinforcement - she wants hard criticism. I don’t play along, so she chases down my daughter or other female relatives and asks if you can see her putting on weight, is her muscle tone changing, and is she making progress changing her shape with whatever workout she’s trying. My wife has begged me multiple times to inform her immediately if I see any weight gain and will actually ask me why I haven’t told her she gained 5 lbs after a vacation. That’s who she is and what she wants. While I never have or will, she would be grateful. I just can’t be part of that process of grading her figure like a judge at a competition.

[LaurenM1997]

Omg how dare he say that! 😡 I would had dumped him for that what a prick

[chris_987]

He has every right to say that, especially if she stays

[LaurenM1997]

@chris_987 no he hasn’t that’s just awful

[DaveJord]

So, I am not addressing the ethics of this situation. Bottom its not a nice thing to say to someone and it can only be taken as malice, mean and hurtful. Which if that is how you feel them end the relationship and find someone that puts more value on you.

But your question was, "He doesn't have the right to say this, right?"

Legally- he does have the right to say it. Freedom of speech, right?

I mean if that is how he feels, then he should be honest about it. I mean he could say nothing and break up with you and never tell you why. Or he can just be honest about it and say it out loud.

Most people would agree that honest in a general sense is a good thing. Does he have a right to be mean and hurtful... again yes, he does. And you have a right to do whatever you think you need to do, to get out of that situation.

[TommyMountainFigure]

It depends on the relationship you and he have. If I was to tell my missus she's put on weight (not that she has) She would say something like, what are you then , a f**king Greek God?

We would both laugh and that would be the end of it.. If you have a serious kind of relationship where you take things to heart, no I can imagine how that would sting!

[RebelinSteel]

Yeah that’s wrong, never directly comment on another persons body shape, size etc. the majority of people are sensitive about various things.
people can say what they want but must then own and face up to what they have said.
that could facing being single etc.

[Chazmatazz269]

He has the right to say whatever he wants. Just as you have the right to leave because you don’t like the things he’s saying.
I look at it like this though: it wouldn’t matter if you didn’t already carry the shame. You were just hoping he would lie to you by omission, and he didn’t. Your problem has much more to do with YOUR image of yourself than HIS image of you. Let that sink in.

[JacobJordan]

Of course he has the right. Doesn't mean he should. Reality is he is right and while his approach could have been better he likely was not trying to be malicious about it. Should tell him how you felt and hopefully he will apologize and say something like "I was not trying to be mean I know you are working really hard to at the gym and I didn't want you to waste it"

[mistershy94]

people have a right to their opinions, if he thinks you're getting fat that's just his opinion, you can choose to ignore it. Now i know that it can be hard if you're having insecurities like you mentioned, but you also can have your own opinion regarding your looks. If you think you're looking good, then that's good enough in my opinion

[OtterMan68]

of course he has the right to, but that does not mean he should say something.
If he is legitimately concerned about your weight gain, he would maybe suggest the both of you engage in some sort of excerise like jogging, pickleball, tennis, etc and cook healthy meals for the both of you without mentioning your weight gain

[spartan55]

Tell him to go fuck off and dump him. Seriously. I cannot wrap my head around ever even thinking about saying that to my girlfriend, much less say it.
If you stay you are sending him the message that it's okay to say those horrible things to you.

[XXTruthfulOgrexx]

The question isn't does he have the right. We all have the right to free speech. The question then becomes, SHOULD he have said. In my opinion, no, it was a shit way to approach the discussion.

[legman528]

Like truthful said, he has the right. But that doesn't mean he's not an a-hole for saying it. Now if you made an agreement with him to hold each other accountable to not overeat, then maybe you should discuss a more tactful way of communicating that.

[strateguy632]

that isn't what you called it. it is a comment. and if true you already knew. if false then it shouldn't hurt like "you are 900 pounds"

[OlderAndWiser]

Of course he has the right to express his opinion. And you have the right to react to that opinion in any way that doesn't involve attacking him or destroying his property.

[slatyb]

He can say what he wants. You can tell him how you feel about it. You don't have to stay in the relationship.

[AviatorTom]

He has a right to say whatever he feels, whether it's a smart thing to say or not. It's called free speech.

[boggboss]

Yeah it was wrong for him to word it that way but their is a fine line between a partner making a comment on your body and body shaming

[Twalli]

If you're overweight it is important to make sure you don't go overboard. I am a medical coder and I coded yesterday for a person who was 460 lbs and 5'2". I'm not saying you will reach it, but increased weight can become really bad.

[handsomelad70]

No, because he's your boyfriend and presumably loves you, though if you're rather overweight, maybe he should respectfully brooch the subject as a caring partner.

[DextroShade]

He is absolutely right to say this because being fat is completely unacceptable. What is your height, weight, and dress size?

[DrPepper12]

Not cool and you need to tell him to STFU and LISTEN without speaking to what you HAFTA say.

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

Its crazy that stretch marks bother him that aside though, maybe he... was.. kidding?