Caught boyfriend watching young thirst traps on fb and he tried to turn it around on me?

[Anonymous]

More of a stupid rant.

I understand if you're just scrolling and watching, but I caught him going through the pages and more. So I asked him about it since I don't post those type of content. He said, "I wasn't watching them. You don't post those type of videos." I asked him to show me his watch history and he played stupid as if he doesn't know how to use Facebook lol.

He said, "I wouldn't want you posting that type of content because girls do it for guys' attention."

So I asked him why he would be watching those type from other girls.

His response? "Because you don't post those type of content."

Like whatttt? I don't post those thirst trap things so you go look at others that do it while you deny it and then say it's because I don't post the shit that you apparently don't want me doing?

[DaveJord]

As in all things in life, the cover up is worse than the crime. So, watching these types of things to me online is not wrong. Now please not here, I do not know what thirst trap is, but I assume its porn of some type. I mean there is nothing wrong with looking, as long as you are not buy or touching.

Now with that said, the fact that he is trying to lie or cover it up means... well, I do not know what that means. But if he beliefs he did nothing wrong then he should not be making excuses about it. But with that said, I do not agree with your perspective on it. No way would I ever share any search or watch history with you. That is personal and protected information... and I would not act stupid about it either.

At end of the day, if you did nothing wrong, then there is nothing to hide. Other then the fact he knows how you feel about it and now he is in a lose lose situation, and there is nothing he can say to change that.

[Asker]

Exactly. I don't understand why lie about it and deny deny deny when you're literally caught and then play stupid as if you don't know how to use your phone, in which many people always on their phones.

[DaveJord]

All I can say is that on some level you have to take some responsibility for creating this "zero tolerance" type of environment. I have been in this type of situations with my ex-wife. Not porn stuff so to speak. Just take anything for example. She is adamant that something is just wrong under any circumstance. I tell I respect her perspective and opinion but I disagree.

Weeks later she is upset because, I am doing something she was adamant with me about. I would tell that I told her then I disagreed with her on the subject, but despite that I still respected her feelings and opinion. I never promised her I would not do it, or that I agreed with her on the subject.

But she created this zero-tolerance environment where I either had to lie about it or argue about it in circles. So, I would just stop talking about it and tell look "We can agree to disagree" or we can't. Take it or leave it. And now I am divorced and happier than ever in most regards.

[Asker]

But see, the way my boyfriend is, he did not talk to me about it like you did. He automatically just lied straight up and try to turn the situation around on me so the focus wasn't on him anymore.
The last time we had ever argued about anything, my boyfriend promised me all on his own that he would not do that stuff anymore because he wanted to learn how to respect someone he loves. He even reassured me outta the blue other times, too. So I don't think much of it until I caught him doing things that we've talked about and agreed on not doing to each other. The post is just one thing I've caught him doing but there are other things that are not sexual that I've caught him doing.

I've even asked him to make some time for me so we can talk about things that bother me and that I'd like to find some type of solution or "agree to disagree". And if it's because he did something (and he knows he did it), he will lie straight up instead of just being a man and taking accountability.

[DaveJord]

Yeah, in that situation, he lied to you bottom line. So, you are not wrong to be upset about being lied to. I have to agree with you on that. So, again do not make it about the crime, make it about the cover up... the lying. Because if he lies about this, then you have to consider all the other things he might being lying about.

Now, you got to understand I was married for 22 years... so I made all the same mistakes at one time or another. I am not saying that to excuse this guy's behavior or to make light or less of your feelings.

But he lied to you for one of two reasons.

1.) He has something to hide. Which is a bigger problem.
2) You created an environment within the relationship in which he does not feel safe telling you the truth or being honest about his feelings.

For me #2 was always the issue. Because I am a very honest and genuine person. Once my ex-wife made her feelings known, she was uncompromising. So, everything I ever told her, in one way or another always came back to bite me in the ass.

So, evaluate that and ask yourself as objectively as you can, how much of it is him and how much is it is you. Only you can determine that, but in no way would I tolerate lying, because trust me I have had that done to me as well and that hurts more than the honest truth. Even when you do not like the truth, it's easier to live with than the lie. And that is the point. If you are creating an environment where the truth is not acceptable to you, then his only choice is to live by the mantra of "what she does not know will not hurt her." Which, trust me is a sorry state of affairs and it never ends well.

Honestly is the best policy even when you got to pay the price for it, and women have a way of making the price to high.

[Asker]

I just wanna say.. thank you. I've been thinking back on your responses for a few days now and your responses have actually helped me view things differently with my relationship.

Now, I just need to gather everything and see how I'm going to communicate this to my partner without sounding like I'm coming off as rude or arguing. I just want him to understand and I also don't want to make it feel like "it's your fault" type of thing, because it's not.

[Anonymous]

Because men like variety. That’s all it is. Not a comparison of you to them or them to you. If he wanted that he’d go after those types of women not you. I think women need to start holding other women accountable as well for posting such things knowing that women in relationship don’t like this. If he was honest w you would you have listened? Most women don’t listen. Even if he gave you a valid reason for why he looks at that you still wouldn’t accept the answer. That’s why men don’t talk. It’s hard for women to just listen w out getting emotional. A majority of men are like that. How is it that men are wrong for doing this when almost all men do it regardless of what city, state or country they live it.

[Anonymous]

You should go to the beach and post some hot pics then girly, he said he wants you to be like those other girls and post yourself for the world to see didn't he?

[Asker]

But then oh noo I'll be "just like them girls" now 😂😂

[Luckycharms12]

Men are very visual we like to look doesn't mean we want that type of girl

[Asker]

That's fine. The problem is that he goes through and look at more and more and deny the fact that he does it when I caught him and then say he watches them because I'm not like those girls.

Which means.. he watches them because he likes those type of videos, but if I post videos like that, he would say that I'm doing it for attention. Why does it become a problem if your girl posts those but it's ok for you to constantly watch other girls who posts those?

[Luckycharms12]

Well he is a hypocrite then and lies tell him shut up can post whatever you want to

[moneymagnet24]

🤣🤣🤣