So, I have been talking to this guy for 9 months now, we have only hung out a few times in person because it’s long distance. I like to think we have a really great bond and we get along so well, we have never argued, always have a great time together. He has told me lots of times that if it wasn’t for the distance we would be together exclusively/officially. However he has also told me before he didn’t feel ready for a relationship (speaking about another girl he was seeing not me) he has always been honest and open with me. My problem with him is that he keeps going ghost on me for weeks at a time and then comes back. He will mute me on social media, stop watching my stories, leave me on read. He always comes back and apologizes explaining that’s how he gets when his head isn’t right or when he feels down about himself. He apologizes and says he is dumb because of how good I treat him and how much I show him I want him etc. He always seems to do this right after I feel like we get even closer. He spent a few days at my house recently and it was amazing we had so much fun together. Then after a few days he ghosted he’s stopped responding to me and muting me and not viewing my stories again…. He has done this before in the past after we spent time together as well. I’m getting tired of the ghosting and trying to figure out where his head is at I’ve always been patient with him but it’s starting to get to me. Part of me feels like he may have an avoidant attachment style, or he just thinks he may hurt me and doesn’t want to. I want to know other opinions on this behavior?
10 d
Is this an avoidant attachment?
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2Opinion
This totally sounds like avoidant attachment behavior to me, girl. The hot and cold push/pull thing is so classic for someone with avoidant tendencies. Not to armchair diagnose, but some key signs are there based on what you described:
- Getting close then distancing/avoiding right after intimacy (emotional or physical). Like his walls go up when he feels vulnerable.
- Saying he cares about you but not being "ready" for commitment. That's avoidant speak - he likes you but can't fully give himself over.
- Ghosting for weeks on end is a major avoidance tactic, so he doesn't have to directly deal with his feelings or maintain connection. Out of sight, out of mind.
- Explaining it as feeling down on himself instead of just saying he needs space points to low self-esteem driving his attachment style.
I know you care about him, but is this the relationship dynamic you really want, babe? Someone who's hot and cold, in and out? You deserve stability and reliability. Distance is already a challenge - don't add constant uncertainty on top of that. If he's not willing to recognize his patterns and work on it, I'd say don't let him keep stringing you along like this. You deserve so much better than a semi-guy who bails when things get real!
Hmmm let me guess, everytime he visits you, y'all fuck huh🤔