Guy at the gym hasn’t approached me?

[Anonymous]

I’m confused. I see he goes up to people both men and women and talk at the gym so I don’t think he’s shy but he only stares at me. He found me on social media and messaged me (later unsent his message) and still hasn’t approach me. What does this mean? Into me or am I overthinking.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

I'd initiate if I liked his manner, his looks and if he seemed decent. It's a guy at the gym, not a proposal. I'd be bold and walk right up to him with a smile, hold out my hand and say, "Hey, I've seen you around and you seem friendly, so I thought I'd come introduce myself and say hi!" But that is my personality. It might not be a good look on you if you are the shy, quiet type who doesn't really talk to anyone (I wish I was more like that, actually, I think I talk too much). You might experiment with just getting to know the other people in the gym first though. it sounds like that's what he's doing. If you aren't catching his eye and smiling, he's unlikely to think that you want him to approach you.

[236color]

I generally agree with you. The place we differ is the "Catch his eye and smile". That's not going to work. This game has become much too high stakes for men to try and read the hint language of women. Shy or not, women are going to have to make the first move. There are just too many guys that have either seen some well meaning guy called a creep or been called on themselves for us to make any assumptions based on this cryptic body language women seem to think is so obvious, but isn't. Language is how intentions are made clear.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@236color I see your point and I can agree with that. Basically, guys are supposed to make the first move, but now all the hints that girls used to give as a green light are no longer safe. My brother has shared similar things with me. It has gotten weird, for sure.

My personal experience has been that if I don't want to be approached, I have to keep my head down and not smile. I have brothers, so I'm very comfortable talking to guys and I used to smile a lot more. But I've learned that for me personally to avoid a misunderstanding, I can't make eye contact and smile, even if I've just running into the grocery store for something. But it could just be my experience and not necessarily applicable across the board.

I think some definitions of what constitutes a "creep" would be helpful, too. I think a certified creep is someone who is "shopping above their pay grade", like an old, fat guy at the gym trying to flirt with 20-year-old girls and teens, and staring at every girl who walks through the door like she's a piece of meat. That falls in that category. Guys just trying to figure out how to engage with a girl they find attractive (without blowing it) are not creepy. It's sweet, actually, because they are making an effort. I would say that if a girl tells a guy "No, thank you", he should believe her.

[avery58]

Lots of gym bros like to play toxic mind games, they think it will make the girl more interested :)

Sadly, he sounds like one of those people who put a bad name on fitness culture.

[236color]

Because he hasn't made any inappropriate advances toward her? THAT makes him toxic? Ok exactly WHAT would make him not toxic? If he could read her mind? Two things are going on here, he is gun shy and doesn't want to be labeled a creep, or he's genuinely not interested. Sorry, it's that quickness to throw out words like "toxic" or "creep" that makes it so much more difficult for everyone. Yes some guys are assholes, some make overly aggressive advances, but this poor guy is afraid to even send her a message on social media?

[avery58]

@236color either way it's not the other person's fault. His indecisiveness is confusing her. Just like I said in another question about a girl who left her crush on read because she liked him too much, it's their feelings too.

So maybe it's not about being a toxic gym bro, I only threw that out as a possibility. But the other case isn't much better either.

One could say that she could approach him first, but who really wants to do that after getting mixed signals?

[ThaMaskedMarvel]

Seems like if he's playing a mind game, it's working. It got her to ask this question. Also, the word toxic would imply harming or hurting someone. I don't see how this is toxic. But his games seem to be working. If they didn't, she'd wouldn't be thinking about him & felt compelled to ask this question.

[avery58]

@ThaMaskedMarvel they work in getting someone to think about them more, but we could say the same about ghosting. Meaning that once someone ignores you, they catch your attention for a moment. But it's definitely the worst thing you can do if you want to keep her interest in the long run, because once that curiosity starts to turn into annoyance (and it always does) then the person begins to lose all interest in the person playing those games. It's a huge turn off.

Any form of manipulation is toxic by default.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@avery58 I don't see how it's toxic, either. No one knows if he's trying to manipulate anything, he has just looked at her and sent and unsent a message. He is acting like he is trying to figure out how to engage in a non-creepy way because he doesn't want to mess it up. I think if she just went up and talked to him, she'd be able to differentiate pretty quickly what she senses about him. And most guys don't usually play mind games; they fumble around and act like dorks. That's more the way girls think, in my experience. I can almost guarantee that if she breaks the ice, it will clarify the situation immediately. And if he's controlling and manipulative, she can say "I'm not interested" and move on. She has more power to decide how this goes than he does, from my perspective.

[ZackBan]

Welcome to the modern era where men are told it's creepy to have a conversation with someone unless you've had a written exchange through social media messaging first.

If he took the time to send and then UNSEND a message after bothering to track you down and follow your socials he most probably like you.
But he doesn't wanna get turned down or called a creep in a public place like the gym where he goes all the time. That would be very bad.

If you like him you gotta chat him up. Let him realize that it's ok, you're into him you won't bite. And from there he either mans up and asks you out or he chickens out which proves you don't really need him

[Flatmanlewis]

He’s shy and doesn’t know how to approach women. The fact he DOESN’T approach you, then messages you on some social media, then retracts that, then stares at you again, is proof positive of his equal parts insecurity and the sad state of a whole generation that doesn’t know how to connect with people without using an app, phone, or technological filter from the potential for rejection. It’s pretty sad, really.

[Asker]

It is sad and I feel bad that he’s not confident enough to come up to me out of fear. This is something I deal with a lot. People will message me rather than talk. I know I probably have a resting b face but it’s so unnatural for me to walk around with a smile all the time

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Approach him & find out

[Anonymous]

That's funny that he can be social with anyone but not you. Here I am I wouldn't just approach people randomly most of the time man or woman and here's this guy, clearly got the hots for you and he's afraid to talk to you.

Why is he afraid if he is so social? I guess that's just possible. Maybe you're too hot. Maybe he has a crush on you and doesn't want to even bother talking to you because he knows he's just gonna fuck it up and walk away broken hearted.

I don't know. It's probably some completely random unimaginable reason that nobody could guess in reality.

[MsProsperity]

Avoid him. Act like he doesn’t exist. He’ll start giving you attention, continue avoiding him.

[spartan55]

Horrible advice.

[Unit1]

This is the most typical women's dating advice

and then people wonder why we're saying "women give terrible dating advises". This is why.

[Donald_Tate]

"It's all ruined anyway, I'll go ahead rub my cock out in front of her".

[MsProsperity]

Well my advise will benefit her. Why would she worry about someone who doesn’t worry about her

[Asker]

I guess that was my question. Am I reading to much into things or is he into me but for some reason not making a move. I agree I’m not going to make the first move bc what he’s done has been confusing.

[MsProsperity]

He’s not interested in you girl

[MsProsperity]

Forget about him.

[Asker]

Yeah probably a good idea.

[spartan55]

@asker
You have to put some effort in.

[Anonymous]

A gym person and social media?

That is a double-whammy right there. Move on.

[Asker]

I see your point

[Donald_Tate]

Lmfao. And the asker? She isn't a gym person with social media?

[Flyergirl]

He might be nervous because he likes you. If you are interested send him a message on social media. Say something like “”I see you tried to send me a message. You seem familiar. How do I know you?” And see what happens.

[DishLady]

Overthinking. If something happens, it happens. Meanwhile, it wouldn't hurt to smile at the guy (even from a distance if you're not comfortable going up to him), ok?

[boggboss]

Clearly he feels uncomftble contacting u and is most likely attracted to youwhy not sending him a message

[Asker]

I guess maybe I’m reading too much into it. My thinking is if he goes up to other women but not me he must not be shy. he’ll find my social media and message to later unsend it. I don’t want to be the one to initiate first. Maybe this whole things a 🚩

[boggboss]

He approaches other women because its just friendly their is a difference between friendly talking to people at the gym and approaching a girl u like as it can be frowned on

[Summeroflove]

Approach him and ask him. He’s probably nervous. But like I’ve said the last few times you have asked this. Go straight to the source

[spartan55]

And what have you done aside from just showoing up?

[In_Trance]

What are you doing about it?

[Unit1]

Crazy women, man

[Boomchakalaca]

So u want her to be the leader in the relationship

[Asker]

Right? Don’t get me wrong this man is super attractive but I’m not making the first move. I expect the man to lead.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Do you take your camera with you to the gym?

[Donald_Tate]

The other bitches are just practice targets.

[ProbablyClueless]

He probably finds you attractive but doesn't want to do anything that would risk making you uncomfortable.

[John_Cobretti]

You didn't show any signs back so he doesn't give a F anymore, leave him

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

You can try standing next to him or smiling at him to give him a sign you're interested in him..

[Asker]

Yeah i did. I can tell he’s nervous around me. He smiles in my direction but can’t make eye contact

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Help him out a little and say Hi to him and introduce yourself to him.

[ThaMaskedMarvel]

You need to talk to him. He's waiting for you to talk.

[Pohjolan]

He probably talks to folks he already knows and the two of you are just strangers at this point.

Question is if you are into him?

[Anonymous]

Why don't you approach him or are you just stubborn and adamant like the typical woman is?

[Finchie40]

Means he has small balls

[Iron_Man]

He is shy when it comes to dating

[handsomelad70]

Why should it?

[Nifrayu]

Are you into him?

[VV3ZZY123]

Means he's scared lol

[RossyBoi]

Maybe he just wants to be friends?

[whistlingwh0res]

scum

[Asker]

What

[whistlingwh0res]

him.