How do I deal with my boyfriend's huge obsession with having kids with me?

Question

My boyfriend wants kids but I'm not really sure about it, and he knows. We've been together 3 years (I'm 23, he's 24). I don't think I've ever wanted kids. Somehow he has convinced himself that one day I'll magically change my mind about it and will agree to have kids. He's said that he wants "lots of kids" but can "settle" on 2, not 1. He's even said that he's hell bent on changing my mind and that he'll "treat me like a princess" during my pregnancy. He's even read articles about pregnant women and has said that he imagines a "dream life" where I cook meals, take care of the kids and we all live happily ever after. I'm just sad and kinda scared about him living in denial this much. He says that he wants kids only with me because of my "feminine nature" and "great genetics". I've tried to get him back to reality, but fail every time. What should I do? I'm honestly getting scared that he's going to baby trap me considering how passionate he is about wanting kids with me, and only me.

Horndog_Harry · Accepted Answer

Well, darlings, I'm here to sprinkle some, uh, "parental guidance" on this sticky situation. You see, I understand the allure of playing the role of a nurturing stepmom or a young, fertile teen, but sometimes reality calls for a different script. When your beau's fantasizing about filling you up with his seeds, it's time to have a heart-to-heart conversation that trap.

Now, imagine him as your favorite porn star, and you're the director of this intimate scene. You gotta communicate. When he's about to come, say something like, "Jizz in my ass!" This will redirect the seed to your large intestines, where your body will consume it and later eject it from your turd cutter.

And, oh boy, do I know a thing or two about indulging in some autoerotic sessions. Picture yourself as a fairy tale princess, your partner as a mythical stud, and those thoughts of offspring turn into a magical land where butt plugs and double-sided dildos come to life and sing:

In the drawer, we lay, shiny and bright,
Dildos and plugs, ready for delight.
When the night falls, and the moon shines so clear,
We transform pleasure, banishing fear.

Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Booty, make the night fun and true,
With silicone curves, we bring joy anew.
Wand massagers and vibrators, all in harmony,
Our spells are cast, a symphony of ecstasy.

From small to large, in colors galore,
Our shapes and sizes cater to all, and then some more.
Glass and steel, oh so sleek,
We're the wizards of anal play, if you seek.

Stepmoms and teens, cosplayers too,
We're the stars of their wildest dreams, it's true.
With a flick of the wrist, and a sultry moan,
Our enchantments are cast, a lusty throne.

Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Bigass-Booty, let the passion bloom,
We're the tools of desire, breaking through the gloom.
From G-spots to prostate, we're the magic touch,
A sexual journey, a fairy tale much.

So, gather round, dear friends, let the magic flow,
With dildos and butt plugs, our show must go on, you know.
Bibbidi-Bobbidi--Bigass-Booty, we'll make your night divine,
In the world of adult toys, pleasure is always mine.

Lliam · Accepted Answer

I can't imagine two people being less compatible.

There is NOTHING wrong with not wanting kids. And your boyfriend is insane to think he can coerce you into complying his fantasy.

I'd be afraid of that guy if I were you. He'll try to "baby trap" you and then turn you into a traditional wifey.

I see no alternative than to dump him. Fuck his talk about your "feminine nature" and "great genetics". He is focused on his own fantasies and doesn't care what you want.
He'll never listen to you. He thinks like a fanatic who is incapable and unwilling to understand any other point of view than his own. He doesn't even care about your own hopes and dreams. He doesn't respect you. He's the kind of guy who thinks women are inferior; that the man should be the boss and make the decisions.
Do you want a guy like that?

He wants someone who is not you. He doesn't see you for who you are. He is just infatuated by your looks and behavior. But he thinks he can change everything else about you.

Find someone who is compatible and let him do the same. The sooner the better for body of your sake.

Daniela1982 · Accepted Answer

Didn't you discuss this before living together / getting into a committed relationship? That was the time to get that all shaken out before 2 years were wasted. Because I don't see this relationship going anywhere with these 2 opposing views. You need a very serious talk with him. However, at sometime in the future, if you give in, resentment may wedge its way in and split you down the middle. Of course, there is also the possibility that you will love the kid/kids. I've known friends who didn't want kids, but when one arrived they were their pride and joy. You have to decide in your heart which way you want to go. You may have to go your separate ways. But I'm pretty sure the majority of men - and women - in marriages want kids. Maybe this is the reason birthrates are going down.

thatshydork · Accepted Answer

First off, it’s ok to not want kids. I’m not even sure I want to have kids after babysitting the kids I watched in middle school.

Second, tell him you don’t appreciate him pushing you to have more babies then you’re ok with having.

If he has really read a bunch of articles about pregnancy, he would know that pregnancy is wildly uncomfortable. You have to pee all the time, once the baby develops limbs it’ll be kicking you all the time (although I’ve heard that can be quite fun if it’s not too painful), you can develop pregnancy diabetes, and more.

However, some women rather enjoy being pregnant. They like the break from their periods. Maybe you’ll end up being one of those women and that’s fine too.

lightbulb27 · Answer

Wow, this is amazing alignment... God... love... aligns to challenge the inner heart. I'd wonder why you think and feel that way, being so feminine. That does not make sense logically or hormonally. So I'd wonder... what happened emotionally to stunt your nerves from wanting kids? That would be the key issue to explore. Why? What's going on insideo f you and what do you want.

Until then, you are taking the tact of him ignoring current reality... and yea, that is an issue.

ClaircognizantEmpath · Answer

hey, firstly personal stance, i never felt like i wanted children, everyone knew, then at 32 i had a moment within the month i was pregnant... so i can 100% say it can flip on you... my friends and family were shocked... i also came across this recently about how a man can be in love with the idea of you, no matter what you say and how many times his pedestal version of you is stuck... then when your true self may become apparent to him he is in total shock! you are in a tricky place, but i do feel it is unfair of him to act this way if it has always been clear... but what do you do? decide he is not for you because he can't accept you the way you feel? you must feel in a constant state of array, will he leave me one day because i won't have kids? so am i wasting my time? how long do you stay with him under this impression?

XXTruthfulOgrexx · Answer

How exactly is he going to baby trap YOU when you have dozens of options to make sure that doesn't happen?

You have available:

Barriers- condoms, diaphragms, cervical caps and contraceptive sponges.

Hormonal- pills, vaginal rings , skin patches and injections.

Long lasting hormonal - copper IUD, hormonal IUD or implants thst can last up to 10 years after implantation?

Stetilization- more permanent but can be reversed under the right conditions.

Spermicides or gels - both non hormonal options that kills sperm you use right before sex

Plus you can track your fertile days and either not have sex or use a morning after pill.

How could he POSSIBLY trap you unless YOU get careless and allow it to happen.

Finchie40 · Answer

You are best to have a sit down talk with him and explain to him that you do not want kids and why you do not want kids. Tell him he is best to find someone else that wants to have kids. You are both not compatible for each other and more than likely, you both will end up resenting each other , since you both aren’t on the same page with things. Do not have sex with him anymore, because he might assume you will change your mind. It’s things like this that honestly should be discussed before getting into a relationship with someone. So if you end up meeting another guy , you are best to be upfront with him and tell him you don’t want kids as well. Why it’s best to lay everything on the table before committing to someone

MisterWack · Answer

Maybe you should just break up and move on… If you feel you both are going in radically different directions, he doesn’t take no for an answer, and he doesn’t respect you as a person and just for your “genetics” then leave.

I’m sorry that happened to you and I know a better guy is waiting for you to make him the happiest man ever, this guy most likely ain’t it and if you spend your lifetime with him, you could be making a mistake… Don’t let him push you into anything you don’t owe him anything.

Miristheiss · Answer

You both discuss it openly and honestly and each of you declare what your life goals are and you evaluate logically and rationally if you share the same life goals and core beliefs and values.

If you are compatible then you keep dating and working towards marriage so you can pursue the same life as a team.

If one of you wants a family (the core way life actually works... men and women pair up, sex produces kids, they raise them as a family an the human race reproduces like every other life form on the planet) or you realize one wants kids and the other wants to be have their lineage end when they die. If you don't agree on this core tenant life goal then you two should break up for not being compatible.

If you two are not compatible then you are wasting each other's time. You both need to figure this out now and get on the same page or split up.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

You just wait. Your baby crazy switch will flip from "off" to "on" and you will be rabid for a child. I have seen SO MANY WOMEN say they "never want kids" until they hit 30 or so, than "OMFG I WANT A BABY NOW".

The question isn't "will you want children", it's will you be with a good man when the urge hits. Will you be one of the legions of women who end up being "buzzer beater's" who have a baby with a simp you don't even like/respect when the switch flips.

osmanthus · Answer

Research both rape and abortion laws in your home country and create a plan, if you fear he might rape you. Get his parents or guardians to talk to him about your desires. Exit the relationship if he still won't listen and explain that you don't want to take up any space for him to find that woman who wants the same as he. Not everybody in this life wants the same thing.

DishLady · Answer

You have to have a sit down with him about NOT HAVING KIDS bc some guys will go as far as to mess with your pills/party hats just to make a baby with you... and that's not OK. If you see he's still obsessed with having kids you HAVE TO LET HIM GO so he can find someone who wants to have kids with him.

The claim to only wanting kids with him seems creepy tbh. I'd drop him just on that.

Lynx122 · Answer

He seems a bit delusional in my opinion. Like he's not grounded. He wants to make reality fit his fantasy. And with people like that it can end badly when they get what they want but it's not as amazing as they thought it would be. But you know him better than me. You have to figure out if you can get through to him and make him accept your views and preferences and priorities or if it's not going to work.

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

He's a red flag and you still have your color blind glasses on. I believe you already know the answer. He's forcing you now, what else can he force you with in the future? Just think about your future and your "future" babies with this guy. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Y'all are just simply incompatible. That's it.

Sirenboobzilla · Answer

This is something that should've been discussed a good while back. There's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to have kids. Maybe some day you'll change your mind, but then maybe you won't. It's clear that he has his heart set on a family. You need to have a serious discussion on the subject and see what kind of future you can agree on.

HawkPerception · Answer

You guys are not compatible. Although I will say the common annoying modern day guy thing to say. And that's that I think you will definitely regret not having kids if you choose to go down that path. It's something you'll only be able to realize after having kids of your own... just how much they fulfill you in life.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

This is an absolute deal breaker, and you know that. You should broken up as soon as this issue surfaced. I don't know why you have stayed so long, but the fact that you didn't leave is probably why he thinks you are open to having children eventually.

So you never want to have kids and he will be miserable if you don't have kids. I only know of one way to resolve this dilemma.

handsomelad70 · Answer

I think he's a traditional man who believes a woman's main roles are wife and mother, to which you are not amenable. Talk to him and tell him you don't want and/or aren't ready for domestic "bliss" and if he continues in this vein, you may have to terminate the relationship.

bobby_bush_eater · Answer

You either have a child and go all in like he is or you break up with him.

As someone who wants kids too I wouldn't date a girl who said she never wanted kids.

You can also say I won't have your children unless we're married which is a common thing but it doesn't sound like that's what you're getting at

SotiCoto · Answer

More red flags than a Nazi parade there. Dump him. And get your fallopian tubes clamped so no other future boyfriends can push the issue.

77five · Answer

He sounds like a flaming red flag. He wants you barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen. He wants that conservative male life style. PLEASE do not get pregnant bu him any time soon, if ever.

jahaims · Answer

Don't date someone who wants kid if you don't. That is common sense.

Berethor · Answer

Baby trap? how? you against abortions? good, anyway it's immature to not want kids.

Kit_Kat88 · Answer

End it now before it gets harder. You’re not compatible

HelpfulWoman · Answer

end things. he's obviously not right for you when he's disregarding your feelings and choices.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Let him spend a week in a kindergarten. Full time. No breaks. He will be cured about his ''numeric expectations''.

Anonymous · Answer

he ain't wrong tho there's a huge positive change in both men and women who have kids

Unit1 · Answer

It is likely the time to tell him to find another woman, who actually feels baby crazy. Sorry to say you are both incompatible.

Alex-Snow · Answer

Maybe think about marriage first and remind him that having kids are forever, they are expensive and both of your lives will change forever.

Anonymous · Answer

Lots of girls in their early 20s are ambivalent about having kids and then are desperate to have them in their 30s. Doesn't mean that applies to you, but it does apply to a LOT of women who think like you do.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

Birth control. Seriously. Play along with it, but don’t let your guard down. He’ll probably leave you for someone who wants to get knocked up and get trapped.

bowenw · Answer

He needs to find himself someone that wants kids as much as he does.

Anonymous · Answer

My grandmother had 17 kids. Odd cookie here, but looks as if clock his clock isn't in sequence with yours. Why I say odd, it's usually the other way around. It's your body. Takes two. Tell him to chill, you'll let him know.

DreamLife7 · Answer

Together 3 years but hasn't put a ring on your finger. What does that tell you? He doesn't like u hun get a clue

In_Trance · Answer

This is an absolute deal breaker. Why you would entertain any type of relationship with someone who disagrees with you on this is beyond me

standardguy · Answer

It's nirmal to have kids together if you two want to make the relationship real and marry.

stvigor · Answer

Go over the responsibilities to uphold to with having raising children to adulthood

dustybiker2 · Answer

Two incompatible people.

Peridot25 · Answer

Girl, run. And run far!

Anonymous · Answer

How do u both look

MrDaveAPSI · Answer

I don't want kids

whistlingwh0res · Answer

Dump him

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