Am I crushing this guy's ego?

[katelynbrown123]

There is this guy who goes to my gym at the same time I always do and we actually ran into each other and met one night at the store across the street. We talked for about 30 minutes just about where we live and work but he didn't ask me for my number most likely because I said right away that I live with my boyfriend but he never goes to the gym with me. After our first talk I would always be the one to go up to him first as we were leaving at the same time just to see how he was doing. Well a couple of weeks ago we left and talked again and I decided to bring up that I thought he was very attractive and ambitious just based off of our previous conversations. Mind you he knows that me and my boyfriend might be splitting up because of some issues we have. He said he appreciates the compliment but he would rather a relationship come naturally and he does not really know how he feels about a person until he sleeps with them. He also told me that he is always right up the road as well if I ever need him and that he would let me know if he were to find someone else too. That right there made me very upset because it was clear that he only sees me as a hookup.

It has been about a month now since we last talked and every time I see him in the gym I completely act as if he does not exist. He will still stare at me in the mirror and always come and work out on machines right next to me but he won't ever say anything. Last night I was on the hip machine and then he comes over next to me on the the leg machine and I was looking forward at the tv but I could see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye like he was expecting me to say hi but I didn't. He is 34 and I am 24 and I don't know if the age difference has anything to do with it but it really does feel like I'm making him upset by not talking to him because I would always be the one to do it first. I mean I'll talk to him if he tries to talk to me but I'm honestly just going about my business and doing my workout.

[Makeushiver]

Don't misconstrue nature's way of saying, "caution, beware of weirdoes. If you are attracted to him it doesn't hurt to try to overcome what may be just some natural introversion or shyness. Even if current boyfriend works out it doesn't hurt to keep a line in the water.

I'd certainly follow up on any convo that may have been started. It would take some courage but I think you could even approach him with a tentative comment about you being concerned about possibly putting him off. Body language can say a lot and he may be getting a "stay away" vibe you may be- intentionally or not" putting out.

[Logan-5]

"does not really know how he feels about a person until he sleeps with them"

You recognize him for what he is but you worry about his feelings?

[handsomelad70]

He's basically a 2024 version of the dude sung about in "The Rapper," a 1970 song by The Jaggerz. (Google the song and listen to the lyrics.)

[DishLady]

1. He doesn’t care you have or don’t have a boyfriend (though you’re odd for flirting with him while still having a boyfriend).


2. He’s clearly telling you he wants to have sex without committing to anything beforehand (which makes him creepy… and you’re still talking to him, which makes you also creepy).


3. Creepy guy is staring at you? Surprise… why are you so turned in by it? 🤷🏻‍♀️ If you want it, as he said he’s always up the road.

[KittyKatLady]

I don't know if you affected his ego, tbh. Especially because you're still talking to him, anyway. Based on your text, I would assume he still finds you attractive & wants to sleep with you, but now he has to wait for your response given that he already made his intentions very clear. I would even bet he did that on purpose so that things could move faster his way...

[Billlewis]

Oh my goodness, yes! And strange though it may sound, this will be very, very good for him, in the long run.

[noohair]

Well sex over content of character is a super red flag for me. And maybe you should let him know that. And you could say that you don't think he would be good for you. He might have a big dick but he is also a big dick.

[Knightwatch27]

So that's it then. Why are you still acting as if it's relevant to still engage with this man if you've already established he just wants to hook up. Move on and and just continue to ignore him then. He'll tire and move on eventually.

[spartan55]

I'm sure he's not losing sleep over some cheatin trash.

[JonCobretti]

He probably doesn't give a shit and you seem to care a lot because you put all this effort to type and explain

Get a life

[TommyMountainFigure]

He probably just wondering what he did that was SO wrong you'd go all 'ice queen' on him!

[LiamS95]

If you want him after the way you've given him the silent treatment you had better talk to him or at least give him a positive opening or reason to talk to you

[Alex-Snow]

I think it is ok to stay friendly with him. You don't have to date him or have sex with him. See how it goes!

[Jennz6]

Maybe, I’m not really sure

[Con29]

Nope don’t think so