Is this man using me for ego boost?

[Anonymous]

Hello,

I'm 31, he's 38.

We went to the same college but never met. Somehow ended up having each other on socials, connected and he asked to meet which we did. We met for the first time one year ago.

Then again last November and December.

He asked me out to dinner to a nice restaurant and paid for both (somehow he always paid for everything).

I had a gut feeling that he does not want to be intimate with me and it was true. We went to his apartment (just as colleagues) and chilled for a couple hours. He made sure to keep his distance.

After I came home he texted saying that although he he likes my expressions, find me attractive and likes that I'm curious about a lot of things he thought it was better we stay platonic because our characters clash.

I immediately felt worse off and not good enough (yes, my self worth seems to jump up and down).

He sometimes texts me, asks me to share music etc.

I've been told I'm attractive. This man is not from a higher league, he is way wealthier than I am but he is not tall (not a problem for me but if we talk in general standards...), bold (again, not a problem but just to paint a picture).

He is however very physically fit.

I uswd to have a crush due to emotional unavailability. This has passed now.

But I'm VERY confused as to why he keeps contacting me? Does he like th3 validation?

P. S: he is still in contact with his ex and he's good friends with her and her husband. Just putting it out there to say that he's got a very open character.

But lately it started to bug me that the only reason why he's contacting me is for an ego boost and he wouldn't really care if I was gone so we are not really friends in this case...

[BetaBucks]

What ego boost is he getting out of your friendship? He might just not find you attractive, but really likes your personality, so he doesn't want to lose you as a friend.

By any chance, are you a bit out of shape, and your pics on socials were showing you as in-shape?

[Asker]

, by validation I thought that he is getting attention whenever he wants to and he can have an ego boost that way?

I was wondering about weight myself. He said once that I look healthy.
The other time he said he likes skinny girls, tennis players and cyclists.

Which is fair enough because he does that a lot.

Sometimes I think maybe he thinks I'm too fat /out of shape.

I can send a photo via DMs. Wouldn't want to share my social media on here. ...

I do workout regularly, eat healthy food. Been told by a couple dates that my body looks good.

But I'm not sure if it's good enough for this guy.

[BetaBucks]

No need to send any pics to me. It's okay. But, I think your guesses are probably pretty accurate. Either way, don't stress yourself out. There's someone out there that would like your body type.

About the validation thing, maybe. But you should give yourself some credit and realize that maybe some people actually like you for you, and want to talk with you.

[Asker]

Thanks.
I used to have bad anxscious attachment style. That calmed down but instead I've now got anxious avoidant.
70% of the time I'm managing it but then in cases like this I wonder why a man would talk to me without an intention of getting intimate.

If my physique is what he doesn't like about me it's ok but why would he say that our characters clash?

[Asker]

To add. I asked him and he said that he did find me attractive, he likes my quirks etc but we clash...

[BetaBucks]

We're just guessing here, but most guys aren't willing to tell a woman that they don't find them attractive. We're too concerned about offending the women in our lives and causing conflict.

[Asker]

Thanks. Well, that's ok though. He could tell me.
I'm not a supermodel.

Thank you for the comments

[Danny_dan92]

It’s done. Move on

[Asker]

I did I did... I think... Thanks

[Danny_dan92]

👍🏼