How shall I break it to him?

Question

I was talking to this guy for a couple of months. At first, things were good, but his anger issues became overwhelming for me. I have crippling anxiety, and interacting with him often made it worse. Our views on life were completely different, which led to frequent clashes. I’m not perfect and have made mistakes with him in the past, for which I’ve deeply apologized.

My mother doesn’t like him because he smokes weed and cigarettes, and she’s also concerned about his anger problems. Both my mother and sister advised me to go our separate ways. They said neither of us is ready to be in a relationship and that we need to work on ourselves. They believe that IF we are meant to be, God (my family is quite religious) will reunite us, and we’ll find our way back to each other as better people—for ourselves, for each other, and for others. I admit I am not the most mature person and have a lot of growing up to do as a woman. I sometimes act like a child.

I understand my mother's point of view, as she had a bad marriage with my father. He had a sharp tongue and anger issues, and he constantly smoked, which made it hard for my mom as she always had to give him money for his addictions. I fear and see the same life with this guy. I have not been talking to him properly for the past few weeks, giving him fewer and fewer replies so he would get the hint, but I can tell he is hurting, which makes me sad.

I sometimes feel like I am making the wrong decision. How shall I break it to him? I feel like telling him that I am not a bad person.

Oliverlogan263 · Answer

Hey girl, I understand this is a really tough situation. Here's what I would do:

First, make sure you're doing this for the right reasons - to protect your mental health and set healthy boundaries. Don't doubt your intuition.

When you talk to him, be honest but kind. Say you care about him, but your lifestyles aren't compatible right now. Explain giving space made you realize this relationship adds to your anxiety rather than reducing it.

Reassure him it's not about punishing past mistakes - everyone has room to grow. But constant clashes aren't healthy long term. Say you hope he can work on managing his anger better too.

Offer to remain friends if you both feel you've moved on romantically. But set a clear boundary - no contact for now so you can each focus on personal growth alone.

It's okay if he's upset - breaking up usually hurts. But stand your ground lovingly and don't get sucked into defending your choice. You deserve to feel safe and at peace.

Stay confident this is the best decision. With time and space apart, you'll both heal. But don't lose hope that one day you may meet again under healthier circumstances. Focus on yourself for now - you've got this sis!

Anonymous · Answer

Making yourself responsible for someone else’s mental health will always become a detriment to your own. You’re triggering current mental issues and probably adopting whatever he has going on too. You picked a man who will always have something wrong, and you have to stop trying to be a fixer. You can’t love someone into changing or being who you personally need them to be. You break up to him how you’d break up with any other guy, because there is just no easy way to do it. No right time. Breakups are hard for a reason but it doesn’t make them less necessary if it’s time.

DishLady · Answer

I can see your mom's point and if your guy has anger issues AND substance abuse issues then you need to cut ties with him. You should have someone with you when you tell him so he doesn't feel that it's ok to get violent with you when you break the news.

How shall I break it to him?

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