About to breakup, How can I not hurt him?

[Anonymous]

I have been going out with my boyfriend for about a year and a half now, and Im thinking of breaking up. Im not feeling the connection anymore, and I want him to move on and meet someone who does want him (in that way). I love him, but Im not in love with him.

I have never broken up with someone like this before, usually there are reasons (like things that they have done), but he's wonderful. Like, I want to want him. But its not enough. I've tried for about 3-4 months hoping that it would get better, and that my feelings would suddenly change, but they haven't.

How do I go about breaking up with a great guy without damaging him (or making him feel like he's the problem)? he's already a bit insecure, and I think this would just break him. I dont want to pull the "Its not you, its me" card (even though that is whats happening). I know I dont really have a say in how he feels, but I just dont want to break his confidence.

[provokeesmokee]

You will never love someone without hurting them. It's just the other side of love and expectation with another human.

Rejection always hurts. Even when it's helpful and good.

Accept hurt is inevitable, and identify what you need/want to say, and rehearse what words help you communicate genuinely with as little hate or maliciousness as possible.

Give him gratitude, authenticity, and respect. Then, give him time and space.

Express your desire to continue a friendship, but respect he may not want that.

You'll both be okay. These things happen. You can break up, still treasure the good times, and build a good friendship. Just don't expect it right away.

[RoseySarah]

Well kinda hard not to all the wild way I came up with to hurt my exes.

Really talk sit down we need to talk kinda thing and end it be honest but it won't stop it from hurting him.

Clean break ignore and block everything! Anything else will hurt him more.

Really friends with his sister? Tell her the truth... She can help your new ex realize when he is ready that it just did not work out and you lost the spark and feelings.

Always open to help!

[OlderAndWiser]

Why do you think that there is a way to break up a 1½ year relationship without hurting him? Are you just trying to minimize your feelings of guilt about this?

[Asker]

? not at all. I know there's going to be hurt and pain. Thats inevitable. But like I said, I dont want him to think that he did something wrong or that it was absolutely his fault. But I also dont want to play the "its me and not you card". Thats all I was wondering. I guess I worded the question incorrectly.

And minimizing the guilt isn't really possible. I feel it, all of it, and I recognize it. I feel like shit, and Im going to continue to feel like shit, but Id feel like shit more if i were to be dishonest and not end it. Then Id be leading him on, and I won't do that. I think pain is important, and a good thing, I was just wondering if there were different ways to go about navigating this.

[OlderAndWiser]

So, if he hasn't done anything wrong, and you loved him at one time, what happened? When people fall out of love, there's always a reason, but you may not be aware of it. If he's wonderful, and you break up with him, how do you know this won't happen again? Is it possible that you are experiencing a major episode of depression?

[Anonymous]

Don't be cunt by saying i don't want to hurt him blah blah...
If you want breakup tell him n move on don't waste time.