Long story short, I broke up with my ex after a 3 year relationship because we were in different stages in life. I want to be married and he didn't finish school yet, doesn't drive etc. I have and I'm a few years older. He did love me and he started to work on a few of these things. I wanted to meet up with him in person to talk (prior to that I asked him to delete pics of me on his IG). But he said he was busy and can talk on the phone. I asked if he's working on himself in those areas and said he doesn't know what to tell me and said I don't have to wait for him even though it will hurt. Soooo when he told me that I said let's end it then. I got angry days later because I thought he moved on quickly but to find out he was hiding his pain. I sent a mean text about never wanting to talk to him again and apologized to him after. He was going through tough things at home prior to the breakup. Now he had decided to move on and said I initiated the breakup when i felt like it was partly both of our faults. It really hurts but I miss him even though it's been 4-5 months and he told his friend he doesn't want to talk to me anymore even though I wanted to clear things up. My friends said we should talk but I said how can I if he doesn't want to see me anymore. I feel like a failure and it's all my fault. What should I do?
How can I get over this?
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You miss him because you spent 3 years trying. He made it clear he doesn't want you in his life, and while it hurts, you should respect his decision; the relationship failed because you had expectations (reasonable, in my book) and he failed to meet them. That's just how it is. Is it your fault? I suppose so, on a technicality, but you can't live a decent life avoiding blame or conflict. There's nothing wrong for standing up for yourself.
I dont neccesarily condone mean texts, as they can have lasting effects, but that's done and over with, you can't unsend that. The best thing you can do is try to insulate yourself from him, keep your distance, and don't let yourself get curious about what he's up to. The juice isn't worth the squeeze. Life will move on and you will find someone more in-line with what you want and need in life. In time, your emotions towards him will fade.
yeah i mean i was able to take some blame for failure in some areas but he's not willing to own up his own mistakes. he thinks everythign is my fault
Let him think that. People have opinions all thr time, you can't waste your life trying to convince them otherwise. At the end of the day, you're the one going to bed that you made and you can't control what anyone else thinks but yourself.
Yeah it's true. My friends think I should talk to him but I'm like... what?
It's not their monkey, not their circus. They too aren't taking into consideration that despite his wrongs, he's still a person, and if he didn't wish to talk then he shouldn't be forced too. You're a big girl, you can handle this, if they want drama they can create it in their own life.
No they want me to talk to him because they felt like we both didn't handle it properly and they don't want the awkward silence when we're all in the same space at the same time. They're friends with him too but closer to me.
It feels like it has more to do with how everyone else wants to alleviate the awkwardness than the feelings
Even you admit they don't have your best interests in mind. They don't seem to care about the wishes of both parties involved.