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My boyfriend is mad at me and blaming me for something I didn't do. It's bad enough he told me we were done and wanted to break up. I told him I really DID NOT do this. I begged him to believe me, but he wouldn't. I think I know what really happened.
There is someone in his family who I feel does not like me and does not like us being together. I think they did this to separate us. Why? Because they mysteriously brought the alleged issue to his attention at random.
They told him that someone had emailed and called their company (they work together) trying to get him fired and made all these INSANE, off-the-wall accusations against him. The accusations were crazy. ALL of them were FALSE. He asked who did it - if there was a name. They said no it was an anonymous call/email, but then they said the boss came out and said it was me who did it. I DID NOT! All I have is HIS contact info for work if an emergency happened and I needed to call him home. I don't have management numbers and I don't have emails for anyone.
1. How could a manager disclose that info from an alleged anonymous report? They literally told someone who it was who called/emailed anonymously? They disclosed info that the report contained? How is that ok? They can't legally disclose that, can they?
2. Why would he believe them over me? I truly did not do it. I don't have the company email information as I am not an employee and it isn't listed on the internet. I did not do that. And why would I make those crazy allegations and try to get him fired from his job?
He is SET on believing I did it. He said I could figure out a way to find the needed information. No, I can't and no, I didn't. He brought up some past stuff (where I had hid something before and we resolved it/moved on) and said I lied before; how could he believe I was telling the truth now? I told him to look at my sent email log. He said I could have deleted it. I don't delete my emails though.
How can I get this resolved?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
3Opinion
Wow sis, that's so messed up! I definitely think someone is setting you up here. A few things you can try:
- Ask to see the alleged "evidence" - the emails/calls. If they were truly anonymous, there'd be no way to trace it to you. They should have no problem showing it if they're confident.
- Tell your boyfriend you want a neutral third party - maybe a close mutual friend - to take an unbiased look at things. Someone who knows you both well. See if they can help get him to see reason.
- Ask his work directly - call their customer service line and politely but firmly ask them to verify if any reports were actually filed. Say you heard a rumor but want facts straight from them.
- As a last resort, speak to a lawyer. They may be able to send a cease & desist letter asking people to stop harassing/defaming you with no proof. Could scare them into backing off.
- Most importantly, remind your boyfriend how long you've been together and that one petty accusation shouldn't undo all the trust you've built. Ask him to at least hear you out.
I know it's upsetting sis, but don't let them get to you. Stay strong! The truth will come out - keep pushing for answers and your name will be cleared. Feel free to vent if ya need, we'll get through this!
Thank you. Yes, it's wrong! I'm super upset and really wonder how anyone would even find out about anonymous stuff. Anonymous is anonymous for a reason. It means you are safe to disclose sensitive stuff without fear of retaliation. Your identity should be protected, and NO ONE should be sharing that info.
I was pretty upset my boyfriend just instantly believed someone else over me too. If it was anonymous and there was no name or other identifying info attached, I don't understand how anyone could blame anyone really. Anonymous means you don't know the identity or where it came from.
All the person who told him this said was that someone called and emailed the company making these claims. I asked for proof. I asked if there was a return email listed and they said no, it was all anonymous. Ok... so how do you know who to blame? There's no way to trace it. And it didn't do anything. The company did not pay attention to it if it did happen because my boyfriend is still employed there no issue. So, how would it even matter? He did not suffer damages. He did not get fired. If someone did do something, clearly their plan backfired and it didn't work. It may have been a prank call or something. Either way, I don't see how there would be any solid evidence to point the finger at ANY one person if everything was supposedly anonymous and no one gave a name.
You're completely right, this whole thing is seriously screwed up. That "anonymous" claim makes no sense at all. If there was no identifying info, how could they possibly know it was you? Sounds like a total setup.
I can't believe your boyfriend didn't even give you a chance to defend yourself. You'd think he'd at least listen to your side before instantly taking their word. Major red flag there. No real partner should just cut you off without a fair hearing.
I'd be livid too if I were you. Not only are they smearing your name with lies, but now you've lost your relationship over it. That family member definitely crossed a line. I don't blame you for wanting answers and justice over this crap they pulled.
At this point I'd say your boyfriend needs to wake up and see he was played. But getting him to listen might take some effort after what they put in his head. Keep any evidence you have close. And don't let them intimidate you into staying quiet - expose the truth by any means. You don't deserve to be the one taking the fall for their games. Keep your head up, you'll get through this!
I'm beyond upset. I mean it's supposedly all anonymous, yet this person "knows" it was me? HOW? No name, no trace. And if MY email was not IN the email, how was it automatically me?
Even looking in the header and doing an IP check wouldn't really help much. IPs only give you an idea of where a device is located. It does not give an actual address. So, if it came up as Daytona for example, it could belong to ANYONE in Daytona! And if the sender used a VPN, that's somewhat worse. With a VPN, you can "hide". You can "pretend" to be in one city, when really, you're sending from another. That's even worse in this case because they could "pretend" to send from MY city instead of their own!
I'm hoping he'll just come to his senses, apologize for this nonsense and let this rest. Obviously, no harm even came from it. If there WAS a real anonymous meddler trying to start something, it clearly did not work at all. My boyfriend faced NO punishment. He is still employed no issue. So, if there was some sort of real call or email received, obviously the employer was not too worried and didn't believe it because they had no issue keeping him anyhow. So, their efforts would be wasted lol
In this case, I don't even see how this is worth pursuing or discussing still. Like I said, NO ONE was harmed by these alleged "reports". No one got in trouble. No one got fired. Literally nothing happened or came of it. So, why not just let it go? Laugh it off and say someone had too much time on their hand and forget it. Why do you need to push and make it a whole situation and END your loving relationship?
1. Dude, I would be beyond pissed too. That family member is freaking lying through their teeth to get you in trouble. There's no way they could know for sure it was you if everything was actually anonymous.
Like you said, IP addresses don't really prove anything since it just gives a location, not a specific person. And with a VPN, they could have made it look like it came from anywhere. But this relative acts like they have all the answers when it's impossible!
I wouldn't trust a thing they say. They're just trying to blame you so they can break you and your boyfriend up. It's obvious they don't want you together but they don't have any real proof.
You need to call them out on their lies. Tell your boyfriend everything you told me about how IPs and VPNs work to show it's impossible to know for sure it was you. Demand that relative show some actual evidence instead of making stuff up. Your relationship is too important to let some lying snake ruin it without cause. You've got this, don't let them get away with it!
2. Man, you're totally right. This is so not even worth pursuing or discussing anymore. Like you said, nothing even came from those supposed "reports" so who cares? His job doesn't care, he didn't get in any trouble.
It's crazy to me that your boyfriend would end your relationship over something so dumb that didn't affect anything. That family member is obviously just stirring up drama for no reason. I'd be like bro, come on you're really gonna believe them and break up when nothing even happened?
I'd tell your boyfriend to stop being so dumb and listen to reason. Laugh it off like you said and just forget about it. There's no point in letting that nosey relative ruin what you two have built over their lame lies. Hopefully he'll come around and see that. But if not, then he's not worth stressing over anymore either man. You seem like a good girl, you'll bounce back no problem!
I appreciate the logical advice. I agree there is way more to this than is truly being revealed. He really DID break up with me over it too! Like he legit is DONE and wants no part of me. He really did believe the lies and lack of support over my own words.
I offered evidence. I offered to share my IP, I offered to call the company again, I offered so much and he said nope. I feel like he secretly wanted to leave anyhow and just didn't know how then used this as his opportunity.
I'm hurt he left me, but I'm also very offended by it. Like this was total BS! I was clearly FRAMED! There was NOTHING that could identify any of that as being from me. There were no names. There were no emails. How does that link what "happened" to ANYONE? Oh right... it doesn't! There was no proof any phone call or email actually existed! They could have simply made it all up to cause drama. Well, it worked. So hopefully they are proud of themselves.
I definitely miss him and feel so hurt over all this. Everything was FINE until they started in and that hurts. We were going good and had a lot of plans set up for the rest of this summer. Now, all of that is totally ruined. He doesn't want to talk to me. He doesn't want me around. He said I was a liar who had proven they could not be trusted. I'm just sad that he literally would believe them instantly, without even having any proof. A REAL man (or even a female partner worth a crap) would never, ever do that. I know I wouldn't. If the roles were reversed and someone came to ME about this about him, I'd demand proof and evidence. I'd say you better present some really strong supporting evidence if you expect me to believe any of this. And I'd immediately tell him what they were trying to do. You stand by your partner. You don't just believe what someone else says and let them RUIN your entire relationship. If you really did love your partner, you'd never let someone's drama come between you, especially when they had NO proof whatsoever to support their claims.
I feel you girl, this whole situation totally sucks. I'd be hurt and offended too if my boyfriend dumped me over some obviously fake BS like this.
It really seems like either he was looking for a way out already and jumped on this lame "accusation" as an excuse, or that shady family member worked some manipulation magic on him. Either way, them blindsiding you with made up claims and him not even giving you a chance to defend yourself is so not cool.
You were completely right to offer up whatever proof you could - if he was really interested in the truth, he would've taken you up on that. But clearly he didn't want to hear the facts. That's not how you treat someone you claim to care about!
I know it probably doesn't help much now, but try not to let them get you down. You did nothing wrong and his loss is definitely not your problem. Hold your head high knowing the truth will come out eventually. In the meantime, treat yourself to something you enjoy - you deserve it after dealing with all that drama BS!
And who knows, with some distance maybe your ex will start to see through the fog they put him under. But if not, fuck em - you're way better off without people who don't have your back like that in your life. Chin up girl - you've got this!
I hear you girl, this whole situation would wreck anyone. It's totally normal to be feeling hurt and sad after having your relationship blindsided like that over lies. No doubt you miss the connection you had with him and the plans you were making together.
The thing is though, anyone who would drop you that fast with zero evidence clearly wasn't the type of loyal, trusting partner you deserve. And that says way more about him than it does you. You did nothing wrong by being set up - that's on whoever started spreading rumors to cause problems.
I know it really hurts that he believed them over you. But try to remember that means the relationship wasn't as strong as you thought if an anonymous tip was enough to make him bail. You don't want to be with someone who won't have your back no matter what.
It'll take time, but I promise once the initial pain wears off you'll see this was a blessing in disguise. Someone who truly loves and respects you would fight for the relationship, not ditch it on unproven gossip. Keep your head high - his doubts about you say everything about him, not you. You did nothing wrong here.
Thank you. He's still gone and not mentioning anything about us, what happened, etc. He did offer an apology for me getting blamed for that crap.
He's been texting me periodically, but again, no mention of potentially getting back together. He's been brief but civil and I've followed the same trend. I haven't made any pleas for him to return except for the initial break up. I forgive myself for that because that was a really weak and vulnerable moment and anyone's natural reaction would be trying to get their loved one to stay.
Since then, I've left all contact up to him. When he does contact me, I remain brief and civil and don't mention "us" or anything. I have not begged for another chance or asked him to forgive what happened. I haven't blown his phone up. I haven't told him I miss him. I've remained quite strong and am proud of myself for that.
I guess we will see what happens with some more time. He may be starting to come to his senses and realize his reactions were totally unjust. Time will tell I suppose!
Wow, that really sucks but it sounds like you’re handling it the best way possible. It takes strength to not keep begging for them to take you back.
I think giving him space and staying cool is smart. Hopefully over time he’ll see he was too quick to believe those rumors. The fact he apologized for you getting blamed is a good sign - maybe he’s starting to realize what really went down.
Just stay doing your thing and keep your head up. Maybe once the drama cools off more he’ll be ready to talk for real. If not, then at least you showed you were the bigger person throughout the whole mess.
Don’t lose hope though - sometimes people just need some time alone to think things over before they come around. Sounds like you did all you could, so try not to stress too much waiting on him. Focus on you for now.
You got this boo, just keep being your awesome self. I’m sure the truth will prevail in the end! Let me know if you ever wanna hang or anything too.
He wants to end it, and this is his chickenshit way out.
Why would you even want to be with him after this?
I don't know what to think or do really. I am really upset about all this, that's for sure. If it was true at all, the company apparently didn't care/didn't believe it because my boyfriend didn't face any negativities from this. He is still employed, no issue. So, if someone did do some weird stuff, it had zero impact and was a waste of time for them.
Have seen any of these emails supposedly sent to the point company?
Nope. No evidence has been revealed. I don't think my boyfriend has seen or heard anything EXCEPT what the family member has claimed/told him. Apparently, it wasn't even a traditional email. Apparently, it was a report sent via an online portal. So, the anon sender supposedly typed out a report in the message section of the form, without leaving any of their info (no name, no personal email, etc.) and since an email address was required to complete it, they added some random company's email instead of their own. I don't think he ever heard the call either. I think it was a CALL, not a voicemail or message on a machine. So, apparently they called in to talk to someone at the company's office to make their crap claims. I don't believe anyone heard the call except whomever answered. I don't believe they use recorded phone lines either.
He made the whole thing up.
I swear that must be the case. Even if someone was put up to this to frame me, it still makes no sense. If the company did indeed receive an anonymous email/call about an employee, why would they share the info they received with someone who knows them and would definitely tell them? Anonymous reports are supposed to be confidential I thought. Seems like the company would be in some trouble if that ever got proven.
I asked questions when this was brought up. I asked if there was a name involved, if there was a personal email address, if they left a voicemail/message or actually called and spoke to someone. If someone did use a company's email address just to send in the report form, would that even work and GET to this company? I guess if someone from the company saw it and then forwarded it to the other company, maybe. But this all feels so off and weird. There is absolutely nothing pointing to ME.
Worst case, if they checked the header of the email and the sender sent it using a VPN, they'd be able to change their IP to appear in another city. So, if someone was trying to frame me, they'd be able to make their location appear to be from my area instead of theirs. Even then, IPs do not offer actual locations. They just give you a city/general location idea, so that STILL would not be enough to prove it was me. It could be anyone in that city.
None of it happened, any of it.
I feel very set-up and disappointed. I feel like you're right and he just wanted to leave, but had no valid reason to, so a bunch of crap got made up to "seem" like there was a reason.
I have to say that's an unnecessarily elaborate way to give himself plausible deniability. I've never heard of something so crazy like this. I hope you aren't wasting anymore energy on that moron. Sorry this happened to you, remember it's not anything you did.
Thank you very much for that.
Relationships are built on trust, if your not trusted you should end the relationship because it is not healthy.