(story to help) What is the behavior when someone constantly misinterprets you and acts out then if you try to explain yourself, they insist this?

[Anonymous]

lets say you're having a casual talk with your friend or partner. You both are aware that you are under a lot of stress too, and it's not good for you because you have brain tumors and sustained TBIs. You might not be able to articulate well under stress or remember random things, but overall, that's not all the time.

Maybe your other person here did something extremely concerning or suspicious and all you wanna do is take a chance to communicate about it and gain a better understanding. "I've been here before and that person was not a good person and I don't think that of you, so I just hoped for validation to help me fight the negative thoughts" not so hard right?

But they deflect and instantly act like you were the problem and it's why they did this or that. You want breath to think? No luck. You just explain clearly that it looks like that to you, and both people's sides are valid? No only their side matters. You are told you matter but it didn't really feel so.

To top it off they do things like use your brain problems as an excuse for if you accidentally drift into long winded explanation, but they'll derail you and try to add more topics that are all just "I don't like it when you"

If you dare ignore it, you don't care, but if you talk, you're still blamed of odd things, you don't get a chance to say your end and get understanding of your intentions, it's all about their feelings and how you are now invalidating it.

Even if you say that you understand their feelings and try to be rational. And it just varies non-stop even if you want to stop, but they won't always let it or give you a chance to say something important,

And now, after all that, they cherry picked your sleepy words to "verify if that actually happened" but when you approach the confusion of being turned against by someone due to this, nope, you're suddenly a liar, a gaslighter, and a manipulator.

I'm aware about these people and do my best to have faith this isn't another...

Updates

1 y

I would like to add that person has gotten more extreme as of late and very hostile verbally at times, so I took up to recording the conversation and suddenly when realizing it, he tried to record me back, and although i never changed my demeanor, he changed his much more, but still tried often to intergect and to assume the end of my sentence to make it SO MUCH WORSE than it would have been, and constantly asks if they're being recorded, starts shutting down, lying, saying they didn't consent

[Anonymous]

Sounds like this person is emotionally immature. How old are you two? I'm pretty sure even most teenagers can understand that people sometimes are slower or harder to talk when they have a sustained brain injury. Stress and chemical imbalances are not a good mix as well. From the sound of it, you think highly of this person but they probably don't want to put the effort to you. If someone gives a heck about anyone, no matter how much of a brown eye they might be, not letting you have your say, acting different when caught, you are clearly describing the behavior of a type of person called a manipulative narcissist, who is using your empathy to trick you into not being able to feel comfortable about who you are. People like you are exactly what those loads of crock victimize and it seems you know that. If this person cares, I don't think they would be suddenly unable to communicate if they know they're accountable, then shift the conversation in a way that throws you under the bus. Whatever is going on here, please just block this human shit pile. Been there, done that. It's demeaning and unhealthy for you and will only make your mind more fogged.

[Nikki1989]

Try to understand the other person's perspective. Are there any underlying reasons why they might be misinterpreting you?

You may need to peel back layers to see what is the root cause of their behavior.

[Asker]

I've tried, but I didn't want to pressure him. He was all about communication, but for some reasons, in times like this, he gets pretty quiet and these things happen. It seems to get turned around on me, and I do my best to still listen because even if I know I have no ill intentions, that his feelings must be very real to him. The biggest issue is it's "understood" and "not that bad" the, out the blue the last couple weeks, it's been contently paralyzed with anxiety that I can't say anything at all or else it'll get misused and I'll be blamed once over.

I'm trying my best to walk this line. I cherish this person and they have been through and are going through a lot that causes them to act out like this, but it's draining, especially when my past and my state mandated classes from the last guy tells me "this is a red flag, RUN" but I still want him to be given the time of day, I still hold faith that it's just maybe his bipolar flaring up, or maybe it's just everything finally spilling out too late and I'm suffering while still giving the tenderness I believe he deserves. I just keep praying for him to be given comfort, to relax, to have his weght lifted, and to stop feeling so needlessly aggressive... I don't want to admit what every question, google search, therapist hotline, and memory says he could be. I can't see that in him. I just hope that it'll go away and he will be the same man I know he is once he's able to heal from his pains, and he won't be such a meanie outta nowhere. This is my closest friend, and I love him so. He might not be romantically compatible with such behaviors, but that's the only genuine friend, safety and family I've known.

I hope one day he can be healthy again, look back and see that and that things patch up. I don't want him to be a bad guy.