Am I asking too much? Am I the problem? Am I not worth the effort? I would never judge anybody on their past experiences?

[Squirrelwhisperer]

my boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. He’s in cali I am in PA. We’ve been together for five months and yes, we have had a lot of speed bumps. His ex reached out to me on social city videos of them intimately things that he lied about and it hurt me the videos didn’t, but she said that the fact that he lied to me and wouldn’t acknowledge that that’s what hurts. Everybody has a past, and I understand that so his pass doesn’t bother me. He was a ho, but I can’t judge him on that because that’s not who he is when he’s with me I made a trip out last month to see him and it was like two broken pieces coming together felt like that way for the both of us so she continued to reach out and say stuff and a mutual friend of ours more or less coerced me into looking at his laptop and his friend is a man and he told me what to do what to look for and I said there’s nothing here and he’s like is there anything in the recycling bin? I said it looks like it’s full so I opened it and it was videos of him with his exs. I don’t even know in separate folders and I was put in there two days before I got out there and he told me that he didn’t tell me because he wanted to protect me from seeing that from knowing that and I didn’t run I I asked him to earn my trust put effort into it if he really loves me like he says he does why is it so hard to get him to do that? Am I just not worth it? He says it’s exhausting being in a relationship that he constantly has to prove himself, but he hasn’t. He has full access to me here. He has my passwords for everything my cameras for my home I gave it bc I have nothing to hide but as soon as I get close and he gives me an email password he panics and he changes it real fast and then the blame game starts that he thinks he knows what I need and it’s not him that I need someone that doesn’t have a past, but he’s not getting the points that I don’t care that he has a past I care that he lies & hides things, help

[Screenwriter]

I don't like the fact that the people around this guy are bringing you stuff about his past and telling you where to find it. Sounds like sabotaging YOUR relationship with this dude.

HOWEVER, this guy has lied to you and has hidden stuff about his past that his friends and ex seem to want you to know. What I don't understand is why.

This is all too messy for me. I think people have to right to NOT tell you everything about every past relationship they've had because maybe those relationships weren't great, maybe they were with people who weren't great and were mistakes. This doesn't make the guy you're with a bad person if he was WITH someone who wasn't so hot.

But here's the bottom line. You are on two distant sides of the country. Let this one go for now. Don't fly out to see him. Don't spend a whole lot of energy on this relationship.

I'd back off of this for now and let things cool down. I don't like that his ex contacted you. That's just ALL wrong. Sounds like a vendetta to me. And his friend did the same? What kind of friend is this?

There's all sorts of mess swirling around this guy. Get AWAY from this confusion and chaos. You do NOT need this.

Take a deep breath and find a calm center inside yourself.

I don't think you need this right now. Go out with friends and family and think long and hard about whether this guy is worth your time and energy. Seems like he has too much baggage and too many people angry with him. Don't end up being another on that list.

[Ironic_Method]

If he's lying then it isn't going to work because you'll never be able to trust him. I don't mind taking care of a partner with issues as long as they're honest.

[spartan55]

I didn't even read this. Is this an online only thing?

[MannMitAntworten]

Things being as they are, do you really want to continue in this long distant arrangement? Is it worth it?

[Anonymous]

Long distance is NOT together.