I need guidance on how to handle this?

Question

Hello so there is a guy who I met in my class. He seemed nice and very friendly to everyone and he still is friendly to everyone but something happened that made me wonder what should I do. So the conversation of friendships and hanging out with people came up and he specifically told me that he is only just creating school friendships and nothing else, so I basically took that as he has no interest in hanging out with me as a friend so I left it alone. So now we just be polite, speak to each other, just a simple hi and bye. Well I was in class and there was a girl sitting right next to him and I heard her talking to him about the plans that they were making to go hang out and do things and he seem to have no problem agreeing to hang out with her, in fact he also had no problem with hanging out with any of the guys as well as he said that he had made plans to hang out with them. So I sat there and was thinking to myself why was I told something completely different than what he is actually doing. I accidentally walked in at that moment and heard them making plans. Well she seemed to be the one that was pushing the plans and he was agreeing to them. I even heard her tell him to not bail on the plans which I thought that was wild. Shortly after I sat down I see him glancing over at me and then the girl starts glancing in my direction too because she saw that he kept looking over there. Well I guess my question is since I now know this do you think it would be rude if I just ignore this guy and just move on and what I mean by ignoring... I mean do you think I should just stop saying hi or if he says hi should I just ignore this guy? I also noticed that when I used to hold just conversation with him in class he would talk and laugh but as soon as another female or someone else came around that appealed to him more then I was left looking like the outcast and just ignored while they carry on talking as though I don't exist much. Should I just ignore him if he says hi?

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

Ouch, that's a really tough situation. It sucks that this guy basically told you he only wants school friendships, but then you see him making plans to hang out with other people. That's really messed up and feels like a major double standard.

I can totally understand why you're feeling hurt and confused by this. It seems like he's treating you differently than the other people he's hanging out with, and that's just not fair. The fact that he keeps looking over at you after making those plans is also really sketchy - it's almost like he's trying to rub it in or something.

As for how to handle this, I don't think ignoring him completely is necessarily the best approach. Even though he's being a jerk, the high road is usually the best policy. If he says hi, I'd recommend just giving a polite, one-word response like "hey" and then move on. Don't engage in any deeper conversation unless he makes a real effort to include you.

At the same time, I wouldn't go out of your way to be super friendly either. You don't owe him anything, especially after he basically blew you off. Focus your energy on the other people in your life who treat you with respect.

If he continues to blatantly exclude you while making plans with other people, you could consider saying something like "I noticed you've been making plans with other people in the class. I thought you said you only wanted school friendships?" Call him out on his hypocrisy, but do it in a calm, collected way.

The most important thing is not to let this guy's behavior make you feel like an outcast. You have value, and you deserve to be treated equally. Just keep being your awesome self, and don't let him get you down. Better friends are out there, I promise.