Do loyal, monogamous men truly exist?

Question

Before you answer the question, I want to explain why I think men are not loyal.

Most men call themselves ''loyal'' and give themselves a pat on the shoulder for simply being able to control their impulses, but this doesn't change the sad truth that they would gladly kiss other women, sleep other women the same way they do with the woman they love. They look at other women with the same lust they look at their woman, they even fantasise about their woman's friends or relatives. To men, we are just interchangeable objects. Their loyalty is not loyalty, it is just restraint. I hope you understand what I am trying to say.

I am in love with my husband because he is a very rare kind of man, he doesn't find women attractive unless he has romantic feelings for them. He never checks out other women (not even models, actresses, etcetera), he doesn't seek variety, he doesn't find porn exciting to watch because he doesn't find naked women attractive unless he has romantic feelings for them. I'm the only woman he is attracted to, he experiences love the same way many monogamous women experience love, but that is a rare trait in a man. In a way, I've answered my question, loyal men exist, but they're so rare we can pretty much say all men are disloyal at heart. What do you think?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

There are plenty of those men - they're just invisible to you because they are never going to be the hot guys, the "bad boys", the crazy, "exciting" (i. e., dangerous) guys that most women want. Loyal, monogamous men are found in the middle of the attraction curve, meaning they are close to average in overall attractiveness, rather than being very high on that scale.

If a man is a 9 or higher out of 10, then that guy is going to be seen as "attractive" by the majority of women - single and otherwise. And you KNOW that there's a decent percentage of women who will do virtually ANYTHING to get a man like that, or even to have a CHANCE to get a man like that (most won't actually get him). And when I say "anything", I mean the most extreme debauchery you can imagine, and probably even beyond that. So... a really attractive guy (and I don't mean just a really handsome guy, but this also includes men who are attractive because of their status, their money, their Bad Boy attitude, or whatever) is going to have LOTS and LOTS of women throwing themselves at him all the time, and while most guys can manage to bypass the occasional woman throwing themselves at him, very, VERY few can say "no" when it's 5+ women a day, and some of those women have bodies built for sin. To expect a man with nearly unlimited options to remain faithful is a naive and foolish concept - only the MOST steadfastly loyal and devout such man could do that, and that's the very rare exception.

But it's also true that the majority of women (and you seem to be one of the rare exceptions) do NOT choose men based on their propensity to be loyal. Most women choose men who they think they could impress their friends and their TikTok/Instagram followers with, rather than choosing a man based on his morals and values. So, WHEN those women get cheated on, I don't feel bad for them, because any average guy can see this situation developing from 10 miles away. We know exactly how it's going to end up.

If I need a car and I *know* I have a limited budget and my highest priority needs to be reliability, but I instead spend my money on a car because it's got a big, powerful engine and a red paint job, would you feel bad for me because it broke down a week later and needs $8000 in repairs? No, you'd laugh and say "serves you right for prioritizing looks and speed instead of reliability." And you'd be absolutely right.

Nothing anyone can ever do is going to change how attractive men treat women - because there will always be a line of women patiently waiting to give that man whatever he wants if he'll only choose her, even if just for an evening, on the hope that she'll somehow be the one to lock him down (she won't be). So, when you know the outcome is bad, and you choose that choice anyway, no one is going to have any sympathy.

HighValue · Accepted Answer

FAR more men are loyal than women. It is mostly women that cheat, emotionally and physically. It mostly has to do with morality. Liberal morals often tend towards not being loyal and conservative morals tend towards loyalty. The majority of women are liberal, often VERY liberal, and have very bad morals.

Why not get a law proposed on the next election ballot making it a felony to cheat when married and a mandatory 10 years in prison, plus an additional 10 years in prison for having offspring with anyone they are not married to if they are currently married. See how many women are absolutely against a law like that and how many men support it. That is because it is mostly WOMEN that are not loyal.

It is similar to how so many women oppose paternity laws. Women are the majority of the relationship problems because of their disgusting morals.

by the way, people positing revealing pictures online, showing their butt, etc. IS cheating and the majority of women do that too. Plus, continuing to be friends with a known cheater is immoral and supports cheating. (Many women actually are supportive of their unfaithful friends and actually go as far as helping them to hide it from their partner.

itsannalee · Accepted Answer

My dad, even he was hospitalized for months after my mom passed away because of being shocked and sad for too long. Now it’s already 10 years since my mon passed away and he is still single.

But tbh I don’t know in this generation 🤭

SweetDripp · Accepted Answer

So all men are this way except yours? That seems very unrealistic.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

This is a much deeper topic than a yes or no, adultery and lust are a sin that thrives in both genders, not just one and it's not a part of life, it's an abomination, it's a plague and a virus, it's a mental virus and the way it works is like a parasite, the more you feed it, the longer it remains inside of you and the stronger it becomes, men will always have an easily influenced switch that can lead them to this destructive way, the only way to deal with it is to control it, and only way to do that is to turn away from it and not feed it, this type of nature thrives in all humans, it's a corruption in our design, and what I'm saying isn't an excuse, my point is that if you are going to find a man, find a man that has this switch well under control, both genders see the beauty in the other, weither they are taken or not, the difference is that control, someone can control it to a point where it becomes effortless to keep it on control but that part known as the fleshes cravings, we are suppose to never feed it and keep it, so the answer to your question is that do monogamous men exist, the answer is yes but that doesn't mean that those men will automatically lose their ability to see beauty in others when they enter a relationship, also if you care about your relationship, never feed the man's flesh, meaning don't ask him dumb questions about others, for example if they think someone else is attractive or if they would have sex with that person if they were single, if they look better than you, etc, this is known as feeding that lust and can plant a seed that can eventually grow, many mistakes I see that people think are harmless, these things basically give them the pass to lust for someone else for a bit and can make things worse over time, influence works in a very complex manner.

Anonymous · Answer

Of course they exist, but most of them are invisible to a majority of women. Women tend to find 80% of men unattractive, but for some reason lump all men under one category.
As for your husband, I find that hard to believe. No man is stupid enough to walk into the den of a lion. Your husband knows this is how you feel, so why would he tell you he checks out other women? You can’t be with him 24/7. Guarantee you he does. Men know other men just like you know other women. I don’t think finding other women attractive is cheating, maybe lustful but it’s just thoughts. How’s that different than when women read romance novels or watch romance novels? They’re lusting, wishing for something like that as well. So if a man wanted to he could say she’s cheating as well. A lot of women are just the same as men, they just don’t get caught as much because they’re better at lying, at hiding things, using their emotions to manipulate the man.
The funny thing is if you think all men are this way then maybe it’s cause someone created us like this. So if universally men are all like that how is that our fault? Just the same as women universally all being emotional. It makes me laugh how men are automatically the ones who are wrong in life because we “don’t have feelings.” We’re wrong according to women if we don’t think or act the way you think we’re supposed to based on how you think or act. If you feel men are all this way then blame the creator cause some Russian man in Russia thinks the same way I do even though we’ve never met. It’s a universal thing.

Anonymous · Answer

I think your husband's gay.😆

Sorry, I couldn't resist. Guys ARE NOT women. Don't expect them to behave like one. And you know what? Most women are not like women anymore. It's damn near impossible for A GUY to find a woman who wants to be monogamous.

There is a lot to unpack with all you just said. Guys are attracted to a woman's form. It's one of the things to allow some of the daffy things you women say and do. And women bond with men. That allows your gender to tolerate some of the stupid things we say and do. But just because a man finds a woman pleasing to look at doesn't mean he wants to sleep with her. Or is interested in her in any way. Because when a QUALITY guy is in love with another woman, the volume on the attraction meter gets turned WAY DOWN to all other women. He can still look at those women and admire thier beauty, he's just not interested. Because HIS LADY has his heart.

Hope this helps you understand a little bit better. If not, it's OK. The world keeps turning even if you don't.👍

Orion84 · Answer

We exist; I am exactly the type of guy you describe your husband as, and always have been.

Unfortunately, finding a woman with the same traits has proven to be just as rare, in my experience, as you say that type of man is. I am sure they exist, just as men like me exist, but they seem to be relatively uncommon.

You seem to have gotten lucky, in that you've found one. I, on the other hand, have not. So yeah, some of us do exist, but in my case, I've stopped looking for another relationship. So there is one less guy like that in the dating pool, because of unfaithful women.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

1. I have been faithful and monogamous for 54 years of dating, relationships, and marriage.

2. Physical attraction is a biological phenomenon. There is not a switch we can flip to stop being attracted to other women. However, there is impulse control, and just because I see a cute girl, that doesn't mean that I want to slip her the sausage.

He was attracted to other women at the time that he started dating you. . . right? So what happened to make that attraction disappear?

3. If your husband "says" that he is not attracted to other women, MAYBE that is true but you have no way to validate that statement. If the statement is true for him, he is clearly extremely exceptional.

4. What makes a man faithful is his behavior, and resisting base impulses sounds like something that should be appreciated rather than castigated.

BCRanger10 · Answer

"Most men call themselves ''loyal'' and give themselves a pat on the shoulder for simply being able to control their impulses, but this doesn't change the sad truth that they would gladly kiss other women, sleep other women the same way they do with the woman they love."

Then why bother even asking the question to begin with?

AMS700CX4u2 · Answer

I think it was on Quora, an article about testicular size and the likelihood of being monogamous. Married men with larger nads appear to be less true, and play out while men with smaller nads make good husbands and remain faithful, but ultimately get cheated on. I been married 54 years and haven't cheated yet. Always possible.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Without a test for restraint the loyalty means nothing. So no I very much argue it's the other way around, there is no way to know now if your husband would cheat if he had that choice. The very fact we don't cheat while finding other's appealing is what shows our choice to be loyal.

So I disagree with your logic.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah for sure. I’ve never cheated on anyone. I never would. I’d just be so checked out before I got to that point. Although I’ve had some sexual viewings while dating. My exs roommate and I saw each other naked a lot. My girlfriend told me not to put clothes on if I was just running to the bathroom at night. I took advantage of that. My girlfriend also opened the dooor when I Was in the shower once. She said her roommate had to pee. I was masturbating at the time: she came and sat on the toilet and had a clear view through the glass door. I started stroking it after like 30 seconds. She peed; looked over for sure and I came pretty much as she was closing the door. So I don’t cheat… but I do like watching and being watched:

Makeushiver · Answer

To be honest- which doesn't mean I'm correct, I don't think anyone would remain perfectly mongamous without a fear of consequences. There's no way to train desire out of a man- well chemically, surgically but not just by previous vows that seem a bit tired 25 years later. maybe but not with training.

All the incidents above are true, the names have been changed to protect the identity.

Brendan824 · Answer

In high school I dated a girl with that mindset
She didn't want me to look or talk to other girls and I was perfectly fine with it. I understood she was insecure and didn't want to trigger that insecurity. But somehow she still believed that I was talking to other girls when I couldn't care less about other girls.
So yes guys are loyal and on average more so than women

Hellraiser1984 · Answer

I'm pretty much the same as your husband. It's just I don't feel like I'm good enough for a girlfriend/wife. No woman has ever liked me my entire life. I've been alone my whole life. I'm too afraid of rejection. I've been rejected by pretty much every person in my life who was supposed to love me unconditionally. Nothing I did. It's just there's an almost 100 year old blood feud between his parents families. He's kicked out and I am too. I don't exist to either side.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

The four failed marriages of friends I know of all failed because the wife could not stay monogamous. Just food for thought, your mileage may vary, etc.

Anonymous · Answer

I think most women I see are attractive, even the women I hate, it doesn't mean I want to do anything with them. A chemical in your brain decides what you find attractive, it isn't something you can just switch off when you get into a relationship.

I love my girlfriend and if we were to break up, I'd probably stay single.

Finchie40 · Answer

Yes we do , I stayed loyal to my ex for over 20 years , she’s the one that didn’t stay loyal

Anonymous · Answer

Of course, there are plenty. But like me, most are married or in a long term relationship already. I've been loyal and monogamous with the woman who is now my wife for more than a decade.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Look around. Monogamy is overall rare these days due to sex being put everywhere

jahaims · Answer

You are low quality if those are the only guys you get.

samael_kmarty · Answer

Yes I am there. I do exist.  I am looking for someone like that from 3-4 years

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe, I think most of the are too scared of MeToo statutes to get close enough to prove it

BarryLiverstone · Answer

Yes we do

Pterodon · Answer

Yes we do

Do loyal, monogamous men truly exist?

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