Was my boss gaslighting me after my car accident, or am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

We travel in our vehicles for work. The other day I got in a medium dangerous car accident and my vehicle became inoperable. I sent a picture of my vehicle to my boss and said that I won't be able to work today.

He showed concern and then immediately asked if I could work the weekend, at all. I didn't take it any type of way and said that I doubt I would be able to work the weekend. I probably won't have my vehicle for Saturday, and I needed Sunday off anyway. He doesn't respond to my text message.

45 minutes later he sends a long email to the entire team about how we signed up to work weekends and we all need to suck it up and work weekends because it's not really doable to expect both days off.

Naturally, I got a bit defensive and I told him I'm not trying to have the weekend off, I'm literally sitting in the mechanics right now trying to get my vehicle back. I don't appreciate the email about not wanting to work.

He acted a bit confused and then told me that the email wasn't about me and was about my other teammates. I find it hard to believe that I'm not lumped in there or that my situation didn't trigger this email, but I actually do believe him after he explains it to me.

Here's the thing though. He acted like I was crazy for thinking that at all and was gaslighting me that it's ridiculous I thought it was about me. He basically dismissed me and my response and told me I need to chill out and acted like I was creating something out of nowhere. Like he essentially said "You're being a little B.. t. ch and creating drama out of nowhere so F how you feel because you took it the wrong way" w/out fully saying that.

I felt myself get hot because I could feel the passive aggression and him twisting the conversation so that it seemed like I was crazy. We got into it back and forth for a bit and then I said I'm not carrying this on further.

Who is in the wrong? Can you not see my point of view that I would think that? Did my boss gaslight me or is this all on me?

Your boss definitely gaslit you. It's not crazy to think it was about you.

It's on you. You jumped to conclusions.

[Veronika_p]

No you're not crazy for thinking the email was about you. The timing makes that assumption completely understandable, especially right after you told him you might not be able to work the weekend because of a car accident.

That said, this doesn't sound like classic gaslighting. It sounds more like poor communication and your boss being dismissive of how the situation looked from your perspective. Instead of acknowledging why you might have connected the dots, he brushed off your concerns, which understandably made you feel invalidated.

Neither of you handled it perfectly, but your reaction was reasonable given the circumstances. The bigger issue is that your boss showed very little empathy after you were involved in an accident.

[Asker]

I would have given you most helpful opinion but it is too late and gag did it for me. I would have given it to you and not the ridiculous opinion by abbycado

[Veronika_p]

Thank you 😊

[Abbycado]

His right to send an email to his employees, reminding them of the work policy. Plus, are you literally watching them do the work or can you not get a ride on Saturday?

[Asker]

"We travel in our vehicles for work"

Missed that first line. No I can't get a ride to travel multiple hours in.

Sure he has the right to. I was asking another question that also went over your head. Thanks for the vote though.

[msc545]

What kind of work do you do where the boss expects you to work on weekends? The only kind of job I think would demand this kind of work is health care, which I do. Yes, I've worked on weekends. I've worked 60 hours or 70 hours in a week and things of that sort, but that's part of what happens in health care. It's expected. It's not so bad now, but it was even worse when I was a student.

[AngryCarl3]

Probably he can't get anyone to work weekends. Except you, obviously.

[Alex-Snow]

He sounds like a jerk