Does confidence matter when you are ugly?

Question

No girl lets me talk to her at all , so I can never get a convo with a woman . Whether I'm trying to hit on them or not ( I have very low standards because I'm bottom trash of males ) . I've seen men who are afraid of women but they are good looking and I see women chasing him no matter how much he avoids them and never speaks one word . I've seen unattractive people who seem happy with their lives get called "annoying guy who thinks he is too good" . Even a few questions on this site , girls answer if there is no initial attraction , then confidence doesn't matter , and since my ugly face doesn't will never attract anyone , should I give up 2 years of wasting time at the gym , should I give up trying to be social , should I give up on hoping that some girl might be desperate enough to date me ? I'm getting suicidal thoughts and I can't take it anymore . Does it matter ?

Updates

+1 y

please no answers of get a hobby ( because those did not help)

my face does not have acne (well it used to )

please do not say go to the gym(I already do)

please do not say make friends with girls (girls aren't letting me talk to them in the first place )

please do not say shower and dress well ( I already do )

Updates

+1 y

Please no "believe in yourself" answers and " think positively " ( I've seen good looking depressed guys get girls )

lumos · Accepted Answer

It seems like you're setting yourself up for failure. People here are giving you their honest opinion and advice, and what do you do? You deny all of it. Why did you even ask this question if all you're gonna do is sit there and tell people what NOT to answer? You've basically listed all the things that people WANT to answer! And why do they want to write answers with those things? Because they're TRUE. They WORK. But they won't work if you don't let them!

"Please no "believe in yourself" answers and " think positively " ( I've seen good looking depressed guys get girls )" Obviously. They have the advantage of being handsome. According to you, you don't have that advantage. So, what do you have to do? Act as confident and positive as you can. That's the only thing you can work with. I'm sorry, but it's true. There's no point in trying to deny that. If all you do is act pitiful, sad and negative, then no wonder girls don't like you.

Also, I'm finding it VERY hard to believe that absolutely no girl even lets you talk to them. If literally nobody has wanted to talk to you so far, I think you're trying to pursue the wrong girls. These girls obviously have a sh*tty personality if they just flat out ignore you like that. Go for the girls who actually have a heart.

Also, having girlfriends and friends who are girls is not everything in life. Not even close. Why would you let some girl's opinion of you decide who you are or who you should be? I'm sorry, but that's pathetic. There's so much more to life than hitting on girls and going on dates. Loving yourself is much more important than having someone else love you. You're going to live with yourself for the rest of your life, so you better get comfortable in your own skin. And really, girls DO appreciate that. Try to wrap your mind around it.

You can't do anything now but get up and try again. Everybody gets rejected in life somehow, whether it's by a crush, by a company you wrote a job application to, by people you want to be friends with and so on. It's a part of life. If you can't handle it, then maybe you should just give up on it and try something else.

DivaMonae · Accepted Answer

K... First no1 is UGLY there are more and less attractive people. I know that sounds like a bunch of crap but, its the truth. The only time when ugly does exist are the people who are csusing you to feel this way. I had a hard time & thought I was hidious and I was a model.

Don't be discouraged you can get a girl trust me, I've seen really "ugly" guys get "ugly" decent, pretty, and fine girls. Just the same way I've seen "ugly" girls get the finest boys strange enough. (my bad I'm being a hater)

Ugly is a state of mind... If your not happy with your appearance change it there's small ways to improve yourself and then there's dramatic changes. Like you said you work out, well I for one and other girls think guys with a pack and muscles are sexy. K so you might not have the cutest face but that doesn't make you ugly. Unless your thinking about going under the knife to fix your problem I say adjust to it... YOUR THE ONLY You U HAVE! Trust there are a million things that I don't like about myself, but I just got over it. That's how you & I are made to look. So accept & embrace it.

I truley don't know why girls won't give you their time, you may not be the hotest but you may be the sweetest but who knows... Its like the saying Don't Judge a Book By its Cover. Has anyone ever noticed pretty people are usually jerks.

If your still frustrated at yourself you could try chasing the girls like that woman does the guy (jk) but girls do and will want you if not there's always strippers and prostitutes to keep you happ. But if love is what you want don't expect live from someone else if you don't even love yourself.

P.S. Confidence is a bunch of crap it is just a better word for cocky. You don't seem very confident the way you keep downing yourself so you have nothing to worry about. & I'm glad your face doesn't atrract girls because its not supppse to if you attract a lot of girls purely off of looks then all you will get is sex not love and you can simply pay for sex.

(I hope this helps)

xoxo Monae

GoodVibesAlissa · Accepted Answer

Hell to the NO you should not. Honestly, yes, looks do matter a little bit. Looks are the first thing that attract you to a person. But for me, I would take a smart, funny, nerdy, average looking guy over a gorgeous guy with a tan and muscles, but no personality.  Have you ever been on YouTube?  hahah, that was a stupid question to ask. I mean, who hasn't. BUT, there's a YouTube channel called simplepickuplines and it's basically a group of nerdy guys who use pick up lines to pick up women, and they are not the best looking guys, but BOY CAN THEY PICK UP WOMAN lol. They're so confident and hilarious that their personality overpowers their looks. And to be honest if I was being hit on by them . . I would give them my number because they seem so fun and interesting to be around. I love that in people. So, no you should not give up. Just talk to a girl as if you were her friend, and don't make it seem like you're trying to pick her up. & then who knows, maybe your friendship will turn into something more. & confidence is never a bad thing, it just means you're comfortable with who you are and you're not afraid to show it to other people. But I mean just because you're not this overly-confident guy doesn't mean you will never get a girl. I think some shy guys are adorable, so it's okay to be a little shy at first. But honestly, you don't have to be the most beautiful man on this planet for a girl to like you. Take that from me, I am a female. I've also known guys in the past who I wasn't initially attracted to in the beginning, but their personality made them appear more attractive. For me, an ugly personality destroys a pretty face. Soooooo, just be yourself, as cliche as that sounds. Eventually, someone is going to like you and think you're a hunk ;) hahah.

Popnlock · Accepted Answer

Confident people don't care if there rejected, they see it as the other persons loss not there's because they know who they are and are sure of themselves, if you walk up to a girl and she ignores you the whole time that is a terrible person and you shouldn't give your time to such a nasty person, if you see something like that make sure to let them know there being rude or be gentleman and walk away, lol but I rather be rude cause I can't stand rude or ignorant behavior, on top of that going to bar/club to meet women is not the ideal choice because most shallow women end up there and there dressed to perfection and trying to get a guy who isn't in there league with all there camoflage on so it isn't the best choice, you also need goals you want to accomplish that will distract you from the pursuit of women like writing a book, making a cartoon, curing cancer, inventing something, training for the x games etc. etc... Going to the gym and dressing well only works when your overweight and you fallen into the bad habits of wearing sweats lol... Girls want you to be in shape not overly in shape just no gut, the whole dress well thing is misunderstood by many... There's a time and a place for dressing well don't wear button up shirts or collar'd shirts if you don't need to, dress comfortable and make sure your presentable that's all. Here's some old dating philosophy if you can't be happy alone you can't be happy with anyone else. Suicide is never the option would you really take your life because some nasty chick didn't give you the time of day? I rather die accomplishing a great feet or creating something used by many versus killing myself because some shallow chick at the bar ignored me, asking women out is a percentage game and the percentage is always low so if you ask 20 girls out chances are one out of 20 may say yes and that ratio gets worse lol could be one out 50 girls say yes... if she's not interested even if you have the convo it's not like what you say or do will change her mind anyway so just move on

I was in the same boat 3 years ago hope that helpd

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Confidence for an ugly man is about as helpful and useful as a lighter underwater is.

kereru · Answer

"Please no "believe in yourself" answers and " think positively " ( I've seen good looking depressed guys get girls)" ...of course they do, because they are outwardly attractive, they can pout at the bar and people will overlook it because they're cute...no one ever said that pretty people don't have a natural advantage, they do, life's unfair suck it up and deal with it.

You just have to work harder like all of us normal, average looking people do., people can't see your attractive qualities, you have to show it to them, give them a reason to like you, remember "hot" and "attractive" are two different things, being hot is an attractive quality, but so is confidence, leadership, humour... no you're not going to win over every single girl just by being happy and bubbly and confident, you are still going to get rejected some, but you'll definitely be in a much stronger position,

You imply girls literally won't let you talk to them in any social setting?...i highly doubt that.

you say you work out and are well groomed and hygienic, add to this confidence, a sense of humour and an open, friendly demeanor and there is no way you would universally shunned by every female on the planet just you just because you are ugly. It doesn't happen.

If chicks refuse to even be your friend you there is obviously a bigger problem going on than looks that you are not facing.

it could be that you're projecting awkward/ negative image unbeknownst to you or that you unintentionally give the impression that you are in fact trying to hit on girls when you're not ( if you are approaching girls in places like bars for example they are always going to assume you are trying to make a move),

but if you work on just being social and meeting friends of friends, you're going to eventually going to find someone who likes you just the way you are.

archer86 · Answer

The hell with the hotties. Women can talk all they want about how confidence and personality will win their hearts, it still comes down to appearance, wealth and everything else on their long list of expectations. If personality and confidence really matter that much, you would see far more women dating/marrying/screwing in the first place. Reality being what it is...

Go for the average to ugly women. They are much more down to earth than the prestine, pretentious babes that truly think their muffins are only for immortals. Keep at the gym, a healthy body leads to a healthy mind. Plus, you never know when you need to run for your life, fight for your life, or just plain work hard. Suicidal thoughts? There is a lifesaving solution...AND IT AIN'T BELIEVING IN THE LORD!

Hire some top dollar sex workers. I've always found it ironic that the same hot women who wouldn't give you the time of day, would screw your brains out for a few hundred dollars as escorts. Trust me, after a good night of sex, your thoughts of self-termination will go away. Depression sucks, vent that stuff with a good few hours of PlayStation...it REALLY works.

The point I'm making is that there are alternatives, use them. You don't need drugs, booze or smokes. So what if the best looking women won't take you, could be a blessing in the long run. If they turn their backs on you...YOU TURN YOUR BACK ON THEM!

Now save up some money, buy you a high dollar Canadian escort and make merry. Hope this helps

cutebubble · Answer

Well ofcourse confidence (not cockiness) still matters whether you are attractive or ugly. there's nothing uglier than a person with very low self esteem or false modesty. I know this male friend who is good looking enough (manly, chiselled features), and like false modesty bragging like 'yay some girls still paid me attention when I went on a trip, I still got it', I hate that sh*t. First, be someone that people are not going to hate. I am not sure why no girl lets you talk to them, but I for one am still gonna speak to someone even if they were ugly, and surely can be friends with someone even if they were not attractive to me. I guess you should look at why NO girl talks to you. Its not because you are ugly, there's a lot of ugly people out there with girlfriends.

The real answer is, if there is no initial attraction, regardless of whether you are an attractive or not person, it doesn't work. Its hard even for average looking or beautiful people to find a partner. Its just not as easy as people make it seem. If you are acting like you will date anyone, you will send everyone running for the hills. at least have some kind of criteria of what you want, someone warm, nice, loving, etc, and stick with that. And compliment them on that if you find someone nice. Give compliments on anything you find nice, their hair their smile etc. Flattery is flattering. And this kind of stuff is nothing to die over. I'm above average attractive and I'm not suicidal for not having a boyfriend. You don't need to die over this kind of thing. It's not a race to win someones approval or be accepted, you have to at least like yourself. if you kinda talked about yourself the way you did in this question, it wouldn't be surprising if no one wanted to be with you, cos you made it sound more hopeless than it is. there are burn victims with gfs.

Anonymous · Answer

Stop looking down at yourself. Despite how you look like, if you tell everyone that you're ugly, than they're going to think you are. Looks aren't everything. Personality matters the most. People with skin problems that make them not even look normal have found love. Do you know why? Because of their kind hearts. Telling everyone that you're ugly is a worse trait than being ugly. If you more confident, and learn to love the look God gave you, than I am pretty sure that Some day, there will be a girl who will like you just the way you are. You ask people if confidence and when we tell you that it does, and does change someone's view, you don't believe us and assume that we're lying. Have some faith in yourself and know this: you must first love yourself before you let others love you. There is no such thing as ugly or beautiful. That's made up by the society, and the meaning of what is attractive will also change over time. Physical beauty is socially constructed, but the inner beauty has always remained still. Trust me, by having some confidence in yourself, and loving yourself, others will accept you too.

Anonymous · Answer

I go for intelligence, competence, kindness and humour more than looks, any day! Confidence is attractive, but not cockiness - just being at ease with yourself.

It's possible you're giving off a 'desperate' signal - girls mightn't want to chat because they sense you're trying too hard and you want something from them. Also that you don't like yourself.

If you haven't already, try striking up brief convos with girls where it's 'work' not 'social', eg the cashier at the supermarket or the girl working at the bank... Keep it light and short, make a rule that you'll never try and get a number so you know there's nothing at stake. Once you get relaxed about talking to girls where there's no agenda, it's easier talking to them when you do want it to lead somewhere :)

And please do not think about self harm. Your life is important Don't give superficial women that much power over you to make you feel this bad. Do not give up - there are nice girls out there. Make a plan. When you start to accept yourself more I really believe the ladies will follow your lead!

carinabina820 · Answer

Your problem is your negative attitude and aura. Girls are attracted to guys that are happy and pleasant to be around. It is an instant turn off to a girl for a guy to think they are ugly, you don't have to be cocky but you have to stop telling yourself you are ugly. First of all, girls have ugliness complexes and don't need or want guys that instead of reassuring them how gorgeous they are will say well at least you're better looking than me. Secondly no girl wants to wear the pants in the relationship so if you are all about how ugly you are and how no one wants you, of course they're not going to want to talk to you because that shows you are emotionally needy. Also you have to pick girls that you have things in common with and talk to them about normal things like let's say you're in class talk to a girl sitting next to you about the class you are in, ask her for a pencil or something. Then ask how her day is and what her name is. Compliments and being hit on are a guaranteed way to get a girl to think you're creepy. Add confidence issues and you're probably coming off as needy and creepy.

Luckily this is so easy to fix: stop feeling sorry for yourself. You are not ugly (please note even ugly guys can get girls because they are nice and approachable and make the girl feel good). Tell yourself you are a good person and attractive to someone every day and smile more often especially hen you go to talk to girls make eye contact and do not touch them unless they touch you.

ijpark · Answer

First of all, don't categorized yourself as bottom trash of males. You can try to be beautiful on the inside. Do good! nah, I am not trying to be all saint or anything of that sort, just that girls find guys that do good deeds super attractive!

Those little things like giving up seats for old people, donating blood, donating money even a little, volunteering and what not; it's amazing. Be there when the needy needs help.

And suicidal? seriously? Your life is more valuable than that. And don't try too hard to impress, just be yourself. Don't blow your own trumpet! Let them shine on its own.

And fyi most girls don't judge a guy straight up based on their looks, at least your look won't be the first criteria girls look at before deciding whether they would talk to you. Girls that actually do, you should call yourself lucky for not having anything to do with them. They judge a book by its cover so why bother talking to them? It's their lost I guess? well, of course unless you have a "black heart"? not literally.

And don't settle for girls that are desperate. Look for one that actually cares. You are still so young, what's the rush? If you are nice and have a beautiful heart to begin with, the right one will come to you =) Trust me. Have a little more faith in yourself.

LovelyDomination · Answer

First of all. Why should you care? Ask yourself. Do you need to date? If everyone is really so judgmental, are they really worth dating?

You have made it a fact in your head that that's true, and as long as you believe it... You won't be able to see the diamonds in the rough. You'll only see the ugly people(aka the people with bad attitudes, and hateful or judgey opinions).

To answer your question: "Does confidence matter when you are ugly?" Yes. Confidence is the ONLY thing that matters. Because you cannot change your appearance. Or even if you can, what little bit you can change will never matter, because it is confidence that is beautiful. It is love for yourself that people see.

Yes, there are few exceptions. Superficial people seeking superficial looks...but are those relationships even worth anything? If they are really that shallow than they must be quite miserable.

I've been considered both unattractive(when I developed horrible acne)...and attractive by the general majority...but it's done NOTHING for my self esteem I can tell you. Because since the boy I loved, turned me down in a really heartless way. I haven't been able to trust anyone.

You shouldn't care what the majority thinks! Period. Whether people hate you...or whether they adore you.

I've learned the hard way that admiration, can quickly turn to hate. Hatred and admiration are not opposites. They can switch quickly.

Everyone is vying for admiration. But true acceptance is what they really want and need. Admiration is just fake. It's not real. And in a way...it's good that you have seen those people's bad sides. Because it forces you to decide whether you are going to listen to these people who will adore you one day and hate you the next.

Btw, the guy I was in love with was not super sexy. It was his attitude about himself and his charm and humor I found attractive.

KodaJosh098 · Answer

Confidence can lift a woman off her feet (metaphorically). It works on a lot of women, but yes, looks play are a role in many women's assessment of a man. It's just human nature.

Dude, we all have our insecurities. I ask myself sometimes if I am attractive, according to my peers, apparently I'm attractive. I'll take their word for it but that doesn't mean I'll stop asking myself.

The key is to STOP comparing yourself to others. It's easier said than done but you were born to make a name for yourself. Ambitions-wise, you are born to serve you and only you until you are ready to take responsibility for others (i.e. starting a family or taking care of your aging parents but of course, show compassion while you're going wherever you are going).

The problem with today's society is that many people expect too much from others because of the standards placed by the media.

You should travel the world and see how good you have it. Some people aren't so fortunate.

Bottom line is we can't impress every body, and sometimes we unknowingly impress those who aren't even in our radar.

Tarvold · Answer

Here's your problem - "I have very low standards", and here's why: Ugly girls are much, MUCH harder to talk to/hit on than beautiful girls.

You also have another problem that you probably don't realize, and that is confirmation bias. You have a deep down belief that good looking guys can get girls just on their looks alone, and so you view the world with this tinted perspective. i.e. you may see a beautiful girl with an ugly guy from time to time, but your brain doesn't notice them because it doesn't fit into your belief system.

Here's what I recommend you do. You need to spend a good amount of time practicing talking to beautiful girls without any intent or subtext. Just good, friendly conversations about random things so that you can learn what topics of conversation they're into, what stories you can tell that get good responses, and generally build up your confidence at being natural around beautiful women. Once you've gotten this down, the rest will work itself out naturally.

If you want an extra entry level starting point for this, just go to Hooters - the girls are paid to flirt with you, so it's like a subsidized training program for talking with women.

Good luck.

PerpetualNerd · Answer

It would be great if you updated this question with some of your interests and strengths so we have a better idea of who you are outside this slump/bad mood, and so we know what things you can build on...

In any case, I really don't think you're in as bad a situation as you might think. Girls honestly aren't such narrow minded boneheads - we have different preferences, so as long as you are nice, friendly and warm, there is someone out there who will find you attractive. People have already said below that it might be a good idea to keep doing things that make you feel good and don't revolve around "getting a girl" - it's good for your self esteem and in building relationships.

Suicide is such a waste when you're so young and don't know what's around the corner. Maybe you could also speak to a counselor at your uni, I'm sure you're not the only one who has felt this way before.

sochillin · Answer

Here's a best answer: A girl would rather get with an "ugly" guy that works out at the gym, is social, and has confidence (pretty much someone who tries) than some "ugly" guy who doesn't work out isn't social or tries to be and has zero confidence.

So keep up the good work because I'm sure there's plenty of guys you look better than and have even worst luck and confidence than you do, plus you go to the gym, girls love a fit man.

*PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't think about suicide because that's not healthy and your life is VERY important just as important as mine or any one else's

ash2424 · Answer

have you tried just asking like just going to the grocery store and asking where something is? I used to be so afraid of talkign to guys that I couldn't even do that. there are classes out there that can teach you how to approach women, and show you how to be more confident. believe me, I know it sucks to be looked at like your weird by someone that your trying to talk to and there not having it, I've been there before.i personally think its easier for guys to get girls if there funny and charming, no matter what they look like, its much harder for ugly girls. what kinds of things are you into, hobby wise?some place that has a lot of women, and is interactive will take the pressure off.

Settingemstraight · Answer

you're at a place where you're going to get shot down no matter what you do.

If you think you are confident and you still think you're ugly you're not really confident.

Being confident... You have to be able to sell it. And you can't sell it if you don't believe it.

Imo you're trying to hard. You're not going to get a girl like this. So screw it. do something else. go be a badass at something.

And worry about chicks later.

The fact that your question smacks, practically drips with self-pity and insecurity, makes me think that you haven't really appeared confident, even if you thought you did. Girls can smell insecurity on a dude. You can't fake confidence. And you clearly don't have it.

So you have to learn it first, but confidence isn't something you can take a class on or force, it has to happen naturally, you have to really believe it, and you have to own it. Love it, stroke it, pet it.

Just like tommy boy

bebin · Answer

hello you ;)

It is my understanding that if a girl is not attracted at all then confidence won't change that BUT if a girl has some attraction to a guy then confidence does matter. Confidence just makes relationships easier, comfortable, fun, stable and a bunch of other things.

Plenty of 'ugly' people do get in relationships, you can't deny that.

Now you shouldn't give up because if you give up hope then you become suicidal and I don't want you dying. It is entirely possible for someone, somewhere to want to date you and if you give up hope you will never discover those possibilities.

And you're not wasting your time at the gym (unless you're one of those people who go to the gym and actually do NOTHING except play on their phone...). If you do get a girlfriend (which is entirely possible) I'm sure she will appreciate it and exercise is good for your health! ...on that note eat more vegetables :D yay

Take care :)

sockz · Answer

Confidence definitely matters. It matters because it takes confidence to actually go through with something. And it also matters because when you muster up all that courage only to get rejected, your confidence basically shatters.

In this regard, confidence sucks. It's just way too fragile.

I found that arrogance helped me more than confidence ever did. Arrogance in the sense of "if you don't like it then leave."

And if your face is really affecting your life that much and you can't live with it, then sit down and talk to a cosmetic surgeon. Save up, get work done in stages, and move on with your new life.

Anonymous · Answer

Ok, when it comes down to it, not everyone is physically beautiful.  Not even half of us are.  Walk down the street and notice how many people are plain jane, less than glamourous . . . it's quite a few, the majority I'd say.  Now start looking at their hands, a lot of them will be, oh, wait, is that a WEDDING RING?  A wedding ring on that ugly womans hand?  A wedding ring on that fat guys hand?  Why yes, yes it is.  They aren't going to have a supermodel waiting for them at home, but they do have a spouse, one who cares for them.  Less than attractive people find relationships everyday, typically with other less than attractive people.  Are you talking to supermodels or normal people?  I have a friend who is overweight and has a 'less than attractive' face, but he's also one of the most down to earth decent guys I know.  Except for one thing, he wants a HOT girl.  You have to have something equal to offer.  I wouldn't be giving up if I were you, I'd be thinking outside of the box.

HandsomeRaj · Answer

1. Ugly & beauty lies solely on discretion of the beholder - undeniable fact
2. There is no denying that we are naturally hardwired to perception of physical beauty & ugliness hence, being ugly is a fact
3. Accepted that even confidence, knowledge, mannerisms etc can't get over physical / facial 'ugliness' because of point 1
4. However, if the other person loves the 'ugly' person's traits, nature etc he/she will always find the 'ugly' one attractive and crazily so - again an undeniable fact
5. Having said that however, someone who is not confident, believes in self, isn't optimistic etc will unwittingly push away someone who actually likes them because they are writhing within self and mulling over how ugly they are :)
6. End of the day it's on the other person (beholder) and you how things work out :)
7. Can't change certain facts & fate though :)
8. Keep an open mind always which will go a long way :) :)

Good luck :)

byKurt · Answer

first of all bro never let this idea of "i'm worthless and ugly" pull to the bottom maintain to live according to yourself take the path you know and set a goal for yourself to achieve and focus on this job I heard you saying "what could this possibly help me ?" By focusing on the another thing out of love gives you a purpose and this purpose helps you to drag your attention and again helps you to avoid getting obssessed (not sure I spelled it correctly) with idea of "I must find someone "and hopefully makes things easier for you

Anonymous · Answer

A lot of my friends care about the guy being attractive so I can get where you are coming from but that doesn´t mean that it is that way for everybody. I have a guy friend who is relly ugly but his attitude and the way he treats girls makes him really attractive. He is really chivalrious, he is/acts secure about himself and he tries to be really sociable. He has a pretty girlfriend and everything. Remember everybody will alaways think something bad about you, no matter if you are really hot or not. People will always talk, I think that is what you should be trying to work on. I´m not super pretty or anything but some people think the worst of me even if I am always nice so just try to work on that.

GurlwithGun15 · Answer

Confidence could be useful in most cases, but you don't nessisarily need it to get a girl. Believe it or not there ARE women out there that don't care about looks or how a man dresses. They just look at his heart and go from there:). That's what I usually do. You'll find the right woman but it just takes time and patience. Trust me, being patient will definitely be worth it when your happy as can be with her(: Do you like to read? Maybe you could go to a library or a church. Good nice girls could be there. Don't go out to clubs and what not more shallow girls tend to bein those spots but then again every girl is different and they have their own hobbies so idk. I wish you the best of luck sir... Your life is very meanigful and you HAVE a purpose in this world. You don't need a women to complete your life. Remember that:)

Alonso14 · Answer

Women are primarily attracted by looks so I understand your pain. People preach this 'men care about looks, women care about personality' sh*t but I've never seen any real evidence that is true. However their standards are often reflective of the men they can realistically attain. This means if you are ugly your only hope is to go for very undesirable women. Even then your success rate will be low and require you to meet many women. The same as the average guy can't have any average woman, he has to try it with lots of them before one will accept him.

Another route you could try is plastic surgery and/or steroids to improve your attractiveness.

Alternatively you could attempt to forget about women and be happy without them, this is very difficult but take a look into things like meditation to help you deal with these thoughts of needing female company. You won't die without it, you can be happy without it, its all in your head.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not attractive but girls are always starting conversations with me because I'm confident and I show it. I don't care what people think of me, I just do what I do. I can be talking about videogames or comic books on purpose to turn them off and yet they ask me questions about them and show interest. They will call me a nerd ot s Comic-Con regular and yet they keep coming back.

I don't really put any efforts and pretend to be cool, I am just that way and that attracts them. There's this girl right now who, supposedly, didn't find me attractive but now she is on my case all the time, teasing me, talking to me and recently she started staring at me, making eye contact and, surprisingly, wearing this bright red lipstick and smiling the whole time she is talking to me, so yes, confidence helps.

Munchkins · Answer

Yes it does. I dated a guy who really wasn't good looking but he was so charming, it was never a challenge for him to meet girls, hot girls. And he was good in bed (that helps). But you really do have to change your mindset and believe you're the sh*t. Would you wana date yourself? This question extends beyond your looks. Would you enjoy hanging out with yourself? Become the type of person you'd like to date?

frannybu · Answer

obviously the advice people are giving you is not working out for you. I think you should do some kind of charity or do some volunteering, that way women are forced to talk to you, and with a good impression. Not to say you will get a girlfriend, but you can socialize with women and hopefully make a friend who is a girl and maybe she can help you(there is only so much the internet can help you with) with your women troubles. Plus I think volunteering would give you a better feeling about yourself.

desidoll · Answer

I am sorry if I tell you something that you don't wanna hear but as a girl,no confidence won't give any differences if I don't find him physically attractive.I am not sure how do you look like but I don't think you are ugly as how you think.My suggestion is work on your appearance,find out your flaw and appear more attractive than usual.

yangyuan · Answer

Well,how about this:

I understand how you feeling,cause I have the same feeling when I was in high school. In that period,I was extremely desperate,I was alone,no one talked to me(actually it was me who had no courage to talk to others,because I was in low self-esteem).

But now,I'm feeling better,of couse,I'm still the way I was,I mean,the changed part is my mind,I started to accept myself.I trust myself that I deserve a good return. It's hard for me to describe.In a word,have faith in yourself!

smalls1995 · Answer

Start appreciating things about you and liking yourself. How are you going to find a girl to appreciate you if you can't enjoy anything about yourself? If you just easily tear yourself down like this it will be so much harder to find someone. Once you start appreciating yourself, girls will notice that and it will be so much more attractive. Also, if you meet a girl and you just point out your flaws it's super unattractive.

kaorirecreation · Answer

i'd say don't give up. if confidence a lone doesn't work, try humor. I don't know a girl on earth that doesn't like to laugh. You already seem pretty smart, and girls always say they want someone "smart, funny and good looking"  maybe with a good joke as an icebreaker you can hold her attention with the first two qualities and she may overlook to last.

up2nogoood1 · Answer

Ok, so yeah pretty much if a girl is not physically attracted to you, your personality will not matter. However, that is a really shallow perspective. All girls are different, all of my friends have completely different taste in guys. To one girl you might be ugly, to another you could be her prince charming. Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder. But I know you're not looking for cheesy lines like that you are looking for advice. So here I'll try.

I have noticed that nowadays it is harder to meet people because no one goes on dates anymore and everyone seems to be meeting on the internet. So you might want to give that a try. I found this website called skout.com and you can find other singles in your area and chat with them.

Also sometimes, you need change maybe to move somewhere. I live in San francisco and we have just about every kind of person living here you can imagine, I would say if you moved here you would more then likely find someone. Good luck! :)

soconfused94 · Answer

If there is no initial attraction then most of the time confidence does not matter, well for me at least. I wouldn't be mean  or rude like the girls your describing. Usually I would still be friends or get to know the person I'm unattracted to but I wouldn't lead them on in any way. But to be honest I've started to like someone I once thought was unattracted before just because I liked their personality. Maybe you just need to boost your self esteem a little.

Hannah591 · Answer

Confidence is a trait that does attract people so if you're ugly but very confident with a very vibrant personality, then you should be fine. If you're not confident and you're not good looking, then you kind of fade into the background which is never good.

I doubt you're as ugly as you make yourself out to be. You're as good looking as you feel. Never give up on the gym or your life for that matter over such a trivial thing. Even the ugliest people in the world (and even the fattest man in the world) have gotten married or have partners so you will find one one day, you just need to be patient and not be so down on yourself.

CorneliaisPretty · Answer

I hope I don't come off as a total douche(because I don't mean to), but if you say that girls run away from you and won't talk to you because of your appearance, maybe its because you are chasing some of the better looking girls? Maybe you should try being with a girl who's less attractive?

Wow I sound like a jerk -_- I'm sorry

tadpole25 · Answer

Well, here's an honest answer.

An answer like you're ugly and girls will never date you even if you have a cool personality, will get you upset, or it will make you happy to indulge in pity.

And any positive answer of encouragement will get shot down as cliche.

What's the solution?

Anona · Answer

Honestly, trying to talk to a girl hoping that she might someday be your girlfriend is the worst mistake you can make. It just screams desperation - which is a turn off, no matter how good looking or confident you may be. Just let go- focus on being a sensitive, good mannered guy instead. If you frequent a particular place such as office or college, girls around you will take notice. If you accidentaly start talking to a girl, don't jump in by asking her out at the first chance. For people who are not very fortunate looking, things like romance happen slowly. But it does happen.

Mr8827 · Answer

I'm with you my man. The greatest thing you can learn in life is that none of those things you mentioned really matter in the bigger scheme of things. Once you have nothing to lose, you can simply be what you want to be. Eat, drink, be merry and do good in what you can, and let the rest over to the wind, then blessings will not stop coming your way.

skycarey02 · Answer

I think it is important.People often say that there is pressure just has power.But I think self-confidence also can give people power.If you have the pressure ,unfortunately

you also know you will not come true your dream,what will you do?On the contrary, if you believe you can succeed, if you can flay you move forward

Shayberry09 · Answer

Yes confidence counts no matter what you look like. No female wants a man that has no confidence in himself. I'm not gonna give you a pep talk all I'm gonna say is walk with your head held high because without confidence in yourself how can anyone else see you let alone what to get to know you

Anonymous · Answer

Those efforts should be working by now.

Perhaps, you are just having a bad luck at meeting women.

After all, some women will not like you not matter what, but some women will like you no matter what. All you're doing will soon reap big rewards. You simply have to approach a lots of women.

beastmode24 · Answer

Alright bro, there are a million responses so I apologize if I repeated anything.

But I have questions for you-

What are you actually saying to girls? What makes you believe that the rejection is based off your looks, and not your approach? For all we know you can be walking like a nervous creepy guy and mumbling words to them with a low tone of voice. So what are you saying and how are you saying it?

You say you go to the gym, but are you jacked? I don't care what girls say, but physique does matter. It matters big time. Girls love jacked guys. You may be fit and you may go to the gym, but are you jacked? Physically imposing? There are so many little things that matter.

I ask these questions because I know so many dudes that blame their failure with women on their height and looks, rather than really examining what they are doing.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't know if it matters honestly.

There are some ugly guys with great confidence and I still wouldn't date them. So I guess that answers your question

I get suicide thoughts too but I actually call people for help when I think I'm hitting rock bottom.

Anonymous · Answer

Concentrate on getting a good carreer, girls want someone who can take care of them (cash). Girls I guess you should look for someone who's not really very attractive, but who is into working out and who's confident.. it's the least you could ask for.

Even (more) attractive people have a hard time sometimes, don't give up on your love life

Anonymous · Answer

No won't help. Find a girl who is at your level of attractiveness. If your a 3 find a 3, or if your a 5 find a 5. But a girl who is a 3 will probably not talk to you because she is most likely very shy and introverted and unused to a guy hitting on her... so it will take time. Ur last option is becoming rich and getting a mail order bride or sugarbaby... idk.

Anonymous · Answer

I hate to say this but confidence does not matter if a guy is unattractive to a female.

On a side note just because the girls you hit on so far have not found you attractive does not mean that all girls will. My friend and I have completely different taste in men, the guys she finds attractive, I think are really unattractive and vice versa.

Anonymous · Answer

what you should do is play it very cool and smooth as in if a women doesn't let you approach you act like nothing happened and have grin on your face as if you know something they dont. that way other girls will start to get intrigued. If you look at some of the rock stars they are sin ugly but they have confidence so they get all the girls lol. so yeah confidence matter a lot

Anonymous · Answer

you will win some and lose some. It doesn't really matter tbh. Keep searchin' you will eventually find it. Do you have a pic of your self with some clothes? Maybe I should take off this arrogant pic and put a real picture of me. Just learn how to approach her nicely and eye contact is huge and smile. Implying you have nice teeth. If those don't help they try to go on chat rooms and try to get comfortable with females. Look on YouTube how to approach females. Please don't be suicidal I used to be like you. Believe you are the best. Don't let no girl ruin your confidence like it did to me. I changed up my dressing.. yet, I have some skin discoloration and I can still be social with females. Are you funny? that plays a huge PART. if you have acne clear it up!

if anything more please ask me!

Rome1215 · Answer

haha dude you're ugly go fnd and ugy girl and go ake ugly babies you are a desperate piece of trash girls won't let you talk to them show them what up make em listen.. or you can just roufie some girl and tie herin your basement or jut hve sexwith her and leave use a fake name you'll be fine

Vandal · Answer

Kinda. There's more to it than just looks. It's more (all) about what you can do for them.

Remember Briffault's Law - "The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place." - Robert Briffault, The Mothers, I, 191

draegenfly · Answer

I think you should start seeing a counselor Need help? In the U.S., call 1-800-273-8255 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

fraudnew · Answer

Whether you look bad or not.  This isn't life or death.  Thinking you can't is just stupid.  I know you probably have tried 2 ask tons of girls.  Whether you think it or not.  Try befriending a girl and then after a while ask

Anonymous · Answer

I think you should just get out more. Meet more people, stop focusing on meeting women just for dating, because that may be what makes them not talk to you. Focus on talking to women, or try an online dating site. There has to be a reason other than looks. What do you mean by ugly? Hideous scars, balding, deformities, what? I feel like you just have some low self esteem, and even a little confidence in yourself would help. Ugly doesn't matter, I've seen very fat men get girls because some girls like that. I know a man with a mole that covers one half of his face, and he's married to a gorgeous girl. Those things would turn other people completely off, but those guys had good personalities and were simply just themselves until they found the right girl. Beauty is only skin deep, but an ugly personality goes straight to the bone.

AliceWonders2013 · Answer

Hmmm...First you say you're from lebanon to one answerer and then you say you're from Canada.  Troll much?

likeabird · Answer

In what setting have you been trying to speak to these girls, exactly? Nobody I know would refuse to talk to someone just because they think they're ugly!

You just said yourself though that you have low standards, so you're probably just talking to the wrong girls. Maybe something in your approach warns them off? Have you tried dating sites?

loverlove123 · Answer

keep on  going to the gym  and keep begin you if a girl likes you they will like you for you every guy  ugly or not  have a girl waiting for them.Girls like guys that  are always them and Confidence .

danndan6 · Answer

bro, confidence completely matters. yes, looks are relevant but more relevant for guys chasing girls than the other way around. girls care a lot about personality as well. can you send me a picture personally so I can see if you're as you describe?

Clock · Answer

Don't worry, dude. You'll find a woman who'll love you for who you are one day. Just look at my parents. :D.

Anonymous · Answer

Take us through a rundown of your approach since I assume this is the same guy as last time and I know you won't post any pictures of yourself.

So give us a rundown of what you do, how you do it, and what made you decide to approach said person.

DMARK · Answer

Oh... My guys werent handsome at all but they had that something! Don't worry! Just be brave and go for some girl you like! :D

ManaX · Answer

It matters, work with what you've got. Confident ugly man vs un-confident ugly man, confident wins.

Anonymous · Answer

Confidence is always attractive. The one thing I look in a guy is if he is confident. I sometimes even fall for supposedly 'ugly' people because they have really great personalities, so looks aren't everything, but with confidence, you could be attractive inside and out.

Does confidence matter when you are ugly?

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Does confidence matter when you are ugly?

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