Is it possible to reform a player?

Question

If a guy or girl is seeing a 'player', is it possible for them to reform them? i..e by being very good looking, nice, caring etc?

DanteSparda · Accepted Answer

It's simple... you don't. If you think you can change someone, or want to, it'll never work. He has to figure it out on his own.

-If you are clever, you'll make him come after you.

[Comment: Players WON'T come after you, no matter how clever you are! If he comes after you, he's not a player. (Assuming he already had plenty of sex from you.)]

-Enjoy it! A casual relationship with a player can be turned into a serious relationship! I prayed! I also read a book called 'Getting To I Do' by Patricia Allen. It was a long haul but it worked!

-Be honest and straightforward. If he feels the same way, he'll be more than happy to hear it. If not then it's best to get the facts straight as early as possible. Either way, tell him.

-If you're already in a casual relationship with this player, the dynamics have already been set. He might find you attractive, but not serious relationship material. He's getting what he wants from you.

If you want a serious relationship with someone, be clear on this. Don't have sex with them early on, and if they say they aren't into relationships or marriage, they mean it.

You feel you are right for him, but you don't know how he feels. Players (both male and female) tend to say things to flatter the person or people they are currently interested in. He may keep several people on a line by saying "afraid of his feelings", "isn't ready for a relationship" and other various bullsh*t lines.

The person dating or sleeping with the player thinks she can somehow change his mind, reform him, get him into a comitted relationship. It almost never works.

-the above poster has given you the best perfect advice, and its all true, its your choice if you listen to it or not, but the fact is you can't get a player into a serious relationship, they are about playing- there is a reason for it being called that- game playing-your part of his game, is that really what you want from a relationship?

he won't change until HE wants to change, you won't ever be able to change or convince him. no matter how much you love him or want to have his love, its just not for only you, if he loves you at all, and the only way you will have any kind of relationship with a man like that is if you are fine, really fine, with him seeing other people, and him being half in and half out of your life.

if that's really what you want and are honestly fine with that then you may be right for each other, but if you are not and can't ever be fine with that, then your not right for each other.

-A player will tell you anything to keep things as they are, so if he says "I know you're right for me", it has little meaning. IF YOU ASKED HIM then it has NO meaning at all!

Are you sure he's a player? A player plays with your feelings, and knows that he does. Go by your gut.

What are you missing now that you'd get in a serious relationship? What would be different? Be honest to yourself, and if you think he might give it to you, tell him.

that's all I can say :)

Electric_Dreams · Accepted Answer

B.

Variables. I think choosing option A or C is too general. D is, well yeah too general again. Sometimes D is true, but then, is it really? Because why does that 'player' change himself? Because there's a girl, and because of the way she talks to him, touches him, generally interacts with him and because just like most people he is capable of falling in love.

Now the dangerous thing is if the relationship hits the long road then years down the line the guy might start playing Tony Soprano (serial philanderer). That fictional character was an epitomising example of a man incapable of monogamy, who at times promised to be monogamous "from now on", and even believed himself at the time but lacked the self awareness to understand the inevitable truth that the monogamy would not last a long time.

Many players may well be destine to be like this. My uncle is a real life example. At the time he and the wife split I had thought it was because he was just having the one affair but actually it turns out he was a serial philanderer... it's sad that someone like that will allow themselves to have a wife and kid(s) - they're conflicted I suppose between embracing their addiction and enjoying it, and the desire for a loyal and loving wife and children.

Olivia9 · Accepted Answer

Absolutely not! The only way to "reform" someone is IF THEY want to reform you can only lead a horse to water, you can't make him drink. Also, it's not a good idea for the foundation of any relationship to go in wanting to change the other person for whatever reason. If I love going out with my friends and having fun with them and I guy wants to be with me and change that, I might change if I really love him, but in the end I will seriously resent him for it because I won't have as many close friends as before and it wasn't really MY decision but more of a compromise.You also don't want to be one of those millions of girls who thinks he cheated on his girl with me, but I never would have thought he would cheat on ME! I mean you loose them how you get them in a sense. I' sure ever girl or guy they have been in a relationship with thought they were the ONLY ONE so most people try to change them but they like the attention and if that is who they are and you like that and are attracted to that about him or her you aren't going to be able to change someone. You also don't want to be constantly worrying about where he or she is and who they are with it's not worth it. It usually takes a serious self actualization or epiphany or a life or death situation in order to change a person that drastically that, and maturity.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

it's possible for a player to change, but there's nothing you can really do to MAKE them change, they have to WANT to do it for the right girl. either you are or you aren't the right girl, it's that simple.

my last boyfriend was such a player that when he showed interest in me in the beginning, I was like pshh you have a reputation, I'm not starting anything with you. I wasn't even trying to play hard to get, but in the end he was begging me to give him a chance so I did. we became serious but it wasn't an easy road - he never cheated on me but I still had to deal with lots of flirting and it caused so many fights. so yeah, it's possible for a player to settle down but it won't be an easy relationship, that's for sure. we were together for 1.5 years and in the end he actually was so in love with me and completely changed his ways for me, but I had just dealt with so much that it felt like too little, too late, so I broke up with him.

Bla4Ublah · Accepted Answer

This reminds me of lyrics that I once heard:

"Girl meets boy they fall in love

She says he's everything she's dreamed of

But when they get married before he's aware

She changes his habits the way he combs his hair

She changes him to someone he's never been

And then complains he's not like other men

Now really I find this most illogical"

You were attracted to them, so why do you want to change them? The player part is a part of them, so what? Now that it has done its job by attracting you Awaaaaay it goes! Unless they themselves want to change then they will, and it won't happen overnight. If they think that you are some one they would want to change for, they might succeed on changing... Or they may not. Because that could be ultimately who they are.

Gone_But_Not_Lost · Answer

lol, no. Not a chance. You can't change people, because if they don't want to change, they won't, and you can't even make them want to change either. It's actually that simple.

Besides, you're not talking about changing their mind about something trivial like strawberry or cherry. No, you're talking about changing a fundamental part of them that's deep in their core. Something that makes them who they are. They are selfish, shallow, and fleeting. That's what they are. You're not going to change that. You can try, but you'll fail.

Maybe there's a small chance, that one day, he might see things differently, and settle down on some level, but I seriously don't want you to hold your breath and pray. It's a VERY small chance, and it will probably take a VERY long time before that happens, and chances are VERY slim that it will be YOU who does it.

Sorry, it's the harsh truth about it. Give up the dream. Make a choice. Choose to have a fling (and/or get played) or choose to stay away from him, if that's not good enough for you.

Your choice.

kheserthorpe · Answer

I voted D, A may be more accurate in this specific case.

Players do sometimes settle down, but they tend to go after different women when they settle down vs. what they pursued while dating.

Generally they don't settle down because they found 'the one', because ultimately players don't believe in 'the one', and they have access to a LOT of women, so individual women aren't special to them. If they settle down its because they have decided they are at a point in life where they -want- to settle down, and at that point they look for a woman who meets their 'settle down' criteria, which are usually pretty strict, because these guys have -options- and are not gonna go for someone just because of emotion.

MrOracle · Answer

NO! NO NO NO!

People do not change for other people, and it is virtually impossible to change someone else.

People rarely change at all, but when they do, it ONLY happens when they themselves want change, and in most cases, that realization only happens after a tremendous loss, when they've hit rock bottom, and realize that they are on the wrong path.

When it comes to relationships, one of the most important things we all need to learn is that you need to accept other people as they are today, and never, EVER assume that you might be able to change them to better suit your own needs and desires. That's always a path to destruction, and a fool's errand.

martyfellow · Answer

Absolutely not. Only by ignoring him could you possibly motivate him to want to change his behavior, to appeal to you.

ANY attention you pay to him, by being caring, dressing up, and the like, will just tell him his playing is working and attracting you, even if you criticize him for his behavior.

He will hear your words, but he'll judge by your ACTIONS. This adage goes double when you're dealing with a player.

Aloof and rejection are the only way to motivate him to be different, and even then, as you probably know, the chances are slim these guys will change.

Bubbelz · Answer

My first choice: D

Don't waste your time, you are not their mother and they are not a spongy raise-me like child. They are the only ones who can truly change themselves. They may change the moment they realize that lifestyle isn't making them happy or when they break someone's heart and realize their own feelings went a lot deeper and they want to change. But they might not change at all. Don't risk your heart if you can spot one early on.

Second choice: B

I think most players who want to change, want to do so because of a girl they really care about. Are you in a serious relationship? Have been for a long time? The guy's a player and you can tell he really wants to change? Then it's a maybe. Think it through.

cheesesteak7 · Answer

ignore the tools who say "no". Given my first- and second-hand experiences, the answer is "yes".

However, it must come in a more natural, "organic" way from the girlfriend. Don't TRY to reform him. If he genuinely gets moved by a girl/woman, he'll reform himself if he believes it's worth it.

confugirl · Answer

Yes, but you will have to provide him with the same benefits he had while he was a player. Excitement, great sex and freedom. A lot of players have a lot of different motives for being players, so you'll have to explore that and provide it to him in a different way if need be. Because he won't settle for a relationship that has less benefits than being a player.

WeaponZero · Answer

A player can change, but nothing the girl can do can cause it.  It'll happen on its own in time if it ever will.  What allows him to be a player is the fact that he doesn't care enough for you to establish any real hold or power over him.  And that's because of his outlook on things.

madhatters4 · Answer

you can't change a person unless a person wants to be change. but dressing nice and caring for them is not going to do it.

some people are committment phobes and are thus players and some are just players because they like the activity, but either way the only method of change is first the player desiring a different life

TheoryOfAvarice · Answer

Don't try to change people. Girls in particular seem to have some sort of reputation for always wanting to change or control the habits and such of the guys they're interested in.

If he's going to change, it will be because he decides to do so. And you should treat a person well to begin with, not just to manipulate them (even if you think it's to better them). A guy might change his ways when he realizes how much he cares about you, but again that should happen on his own.

Anonymous · Answer

Only if he loves the girl enough to want to change himself, not because she wants him to. So yes, if he loves you enough he will change his ways. Those who think a person can never change are naïve.

People change all the time. I know I have made major changes in my life on how I see or perceive things, & a few times at that.

jmurk · Answer

Nope because they're usually  the type of guys what most women  want. they just don't like the cheating ways of a player but that's their fault for being shallow and picking them in the first place. They made their bed, now its time for them to lay in it.

Michaelmwm19 · Answer

Once a cheater always a cheater, morals like cheating are often deeper morals and beliefs that are a big part of someones personality and are deeply rooted.

That being said, yes it's possible to reform a player but likely? No it isn't likely.

ArabianPwincess197 · Answer

There's a saying once a player always a player. I've read so many books on the player falling in love and being reformed by the timid heroine. However it's all in books never seen it happening in real life.

AlexNAVY · Answer

I suppose it is possible, but only if that person wants it for himself. Not by the methods you mentioned, that's for sure! There are psychological tricks you can do though.

Otrolite · Answer

No, but he will make you believe that he's reformed as many times as you're willing to take him back. There's something psychopathic about players and that can't be fixed.

islands7 · Answer

YES by loving them enough that they finally fall in love and reform themselves Many become the very best husbands/fathers

1diamond · Answer

No if a person is a player then the only person who can change them is themselves and they have to really want to. This needs to be done when the person is single!

Anonymous · Answer

No, it's not, and you're not the first to try, nor will you be the last.

Naturally, you won't take the advice of sane people and avoid players, because girls obey 'gina tingles, not rational thought and logic.

SilentEarth · Answer

Never get in a relationship with someone with the intent to change them. Expect to take them as is because while you can help people change, they won't change unless they want it themselves.

Tycho · Answer

No. He'll only consider reforimg if he actually wants to. You can't make a person act a certain way for you.

BCRanger10 · Answer

It's always possible, but you should never go into a relationship with that being your intention.  Otherwise, you'll just end up broken and bitter.

nicenthic · Answer

I don't know. I've been asking myself the same question. The question is, should he reform. I'm not convinced it's in a player's best interest.

Theguyoverthere · Answer

No and I really wish girls would stop trying to all the time. You'd have better luck changing the color of a zebra's stripes.

BatDoc · Answer

No.  People don't change.  And trust me when I say there is no piece of p**** on the planet that is good enough to change a player.

dudeman · Answer

why wouldyou want to change anybody. sounds very juvenile to me

Anonymous · Answer

Is it possible to shoot a rainbow out of you're butt? No it isn't ma'am.

bigmike16 · Answer

You can't fix a player becuase they are going to stay the same. Trying to fix a player is like  trying to fix an abusive boyfriend or girlfriend. Even though an abusive girlfriend is rare.

Prof_Don · Answer

I voted D...if the player reforms, the player will reform on his own terms.

lumos · Answer

Only if he/she is actually willing to change. Otherwise, no. A & D.

Anonymous · Answer

am gonna ask you can you fix a bad hard disk ? or can you bring back the dead ? this sh*t is the same you can't fix them male or female

VeohTV · Answer

Some people are different so it depends on the person.

Seek81 · Answer

no.   people are people, it's not our duty to change them.

Hamburgers · Answer

Women like to learn this the hard way. Does anyone besides men possess logical foresight?

Anonymous · Answer

Well, it must be if there are far more players in there 20s and 30s than there are in their 40s or 50s.

Anonymous · Answer

It's highly unlikely.  You'd be better off going for someone who doesn't need reforming in the first place.

Luv2run · Answer

I think the player feeds off of the nice and caring people.

guitar903 · Answer

I think you're kind of confused about how this works

Anonymous · Answer

I was a player until I met the right girl. I didn't want to lose her so I did whatever it took to change. Yes I stopped being a player.

anthony8x · Answer

Can you turn a hoe into a housewife?

Anonymous · Answer

yes when they get std for life

JohnnySS · Answer

possible yes, highly unlikely yes

brooklynboy · Answer

and why would you want to do this?

Anonymous · Answer

Of course. Once the herpes start flaring him up.

TheGodEmperorLeto · Answer

Nope.

Anonymous · Answer

Hahaha are you serious

Is it possible to reform a player?

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