I have been both over weight and nearing unhealthy because of drastic weight loss. Losing weight can be exciting if you do it right, and I pray that you do, but when you dont, it can take control of your life. And now having lost weight, I'm more self conscious than ever.
And like any other, I thought it would feel fabulous. No more worries:
1) No more crying in the dressing room because they don't carry your size and you don't look frumpy once the ones that "fit" are tried on.
2) No more giant boobs getting in the way of itty bitty tops that are just too cute to not wanna buy
3) No more covering aspects of your body to draw direction from insecure body parts.
4) No more family members telling you to lose weight. Or doctors telling you to lose weight. Which is even worse.
etc, etc, etc.
But there ARE worries with being small, too. And I'll explain...
This past year I started college. With it came stress, anxiety, and I was rushed in all that I did. I worked or went to school all seven days of the week. I had a student worker job and a weekend job, both. And every second I wasn't working, I was studying for the next exam. I had never been so sick or so autopiloted in my life. I was completely stretched out.
Because of this, I didn't take much time to care for myself. Admittedly, I was too tired to eat and too busy to sleep. There were just too many priorities I put above my own well being.
Because of it, this past year I lost 60 pounds all together. 40 my first semester and 20 my second semester. Having once been 190 pounds I was ecstatic. I'd never weighed so little in my teenage years.
But again, I had no balance in my life and I was becoming very unhealthy. I went very far with it, actually. I would weigh myself daily, worry if I fluctuated by just a pound. I would limit myself in the foods I ate. I became obsessed with beating my every daily step in take. I would literally start walking whenever I was upset, angry, tired, or feeling unwell.
And finally I blacked out in a shower from having drank only water for a month straight, refusing to drink at thing else because I thought water was healthiest. But all it did was deplete my electrolytes and proteins. The doctors, noticing my weight, tested me for drug usage and questioned me about eating disorders.
Today, I make time for all the things that I didn't. I quit one job and got myself turned around during summer. I weigh about the same as I did months ago, but I can only guess. I refuse to look at a scale and instead focus on eating healthy food at a healthy amount. And I exercise the recommended amount and not twice over. I'm much happier not worrying about my weight, and my vitals are perfect.
I am, however, self conscious:
1) My boobs have shrunk multiple sizes and now hang much more than they did.
2) I now can wear a small. Sometimes. Sometimes small means super super skinny. But there is not ONE medium sized shirt I can fit into.
3) I can't fit into many smalls because of my still too-big-for-small, hanging boobs.
4) I now realize that there's much more options for medium sized people. It's the norm, and all the cute clothes seem to be in their size. As it should. It's average.
5) You get told you need to eat more, but as soon as you eat even one brownie you're told you're gonna swell up like a balloon if you let go a little and don't stay right on top of your game. As if your life evolves around a diet. Because all skinny pepole must be dieting, right? And a pound would kill, right?
6) Lastly, I don't FEEL small. Whenever I go to the store I still pick out clothes twice my size because I expect them to fit. And I know this isn't logical, that it's in my minds eye. I known others who have this problem too.
Please be careful in losing weight. Do it the right way. Eating proper proportions and walking does wanders! And before losing weight, realize insecurities are a state of mind and not a state of weight. You'll always have insecurities. They just change.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
I totally agree. Whats warped about some of ourselves isn't our physical appearance, its our mindset.
Exactly (: It's okay to be comfortable with who you are, or to be comfortable with who you become. And that's the hardest part because of our own worries
For me it is literally a state of weight you can never be big enough. Muscle wise.
Haha I know someone who had been a wrestler and he is anal about working out and building muscle. I get what you mean.