I have always had this idea and wonder what women might think of it?

[Anonymous]

I've always wanted to find a girl with a beautiful face, but who is over weight, then I would date her and encourage her to lose weight and get fit, and watch her get more and more beautiful. I would be encouraging and supportive and exercise with her etc. But do you think this whole idea is insensitive, rude, mean, manipulative, or could it be a good idea?

[becca123]

In my experience with men who had their girls lose weight, the girls got down I'm size then dumped an additional 170 pounds by dumping the boyfriend. They seem to want to experience dating in their new bodies. Careful what you wish for! I saw it happen several times.

[Asker]

Yeah I feel like I am ok with that though.

[Asker]

I would like to see her become more comfortable in her body, feel more confident and sexy. That is really the goal.

[Asker]

I also feel like the opposite of this is keeping a girl overweight so she can't realize her potential and get what she deserves? Lol do you know what I mean? Like she will only stay with me because I keep her from believing she can do better, isn't that even worse?

[Anonymous]

Heehee its kind of like my fantasy to find a cute guy and then fatten him up so he is only a tad overweight so that other women can't steal him hahaha.. slow him down a little xD

[Asker]

Lol, so do you think it is not necessarily that bad as long as I am very respectful about tit? I feel like it would be hard and feelings would be hurt unless I get a very specific type of mindset on a girl.

[Opinion Owner]

Mmm Id say even though your intentions are from a genuine thoughtful place it can be hurtful.. shed probably develop a complex of never feeling good enough and might later accuse you of trying to 'fix' her or other aspects of the relationship.

[Asker]

Good point... Thank you.

[Opinion Owner]

Np :) but do watch out.. I can't be the only lady that secretly plots to fatten up her man. You might be encouraging her to lose weight while she makes you fat hahaha xD

[Asker]

: I'm scared.

[Opinion Owner]

You should be bahahaha

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

Hey I've always had this idea of finding this girl with a beautiful face and beautiful body who settled for an ugly guy when she was fatter, but now she wants an upgrade. But do you think this whole idea is insensitive, rude, mean, manipulative, or could it be a good idea?

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

omg I always had this fantasy that a cute guy would steal me from the hideous, prick who loved me for who I was gonna be and not who I was--

^7years later, this is the conversation between your ex and the guy who stole her

[Opinion Owner]

Forgot to mention thanks for mho @anon/asker !

[Asker]

@NotJustAnotherGuy I see what you are trying to do there, but I would totally back you up on that mission. No girl should settle for an ugly guy who wouldn't treat her well. And both men and women should make active efforts to steal away people in those situations. Your version of this has different implications. Also, you are assuming I am ugly, and that I wouldn't love this girl unless she lost weight. Both poor assumptions. I did say I would be supportive and encouraging, and I would necessarily have to like her from the beginning to date her at all. You are also forgetting that sure it might not work out and we break up. But she might feel grateful for her transformation and have more confidence and feel sexier despite the relationship we had. I also asked this question realizing the negative aspects of it, that was the entire point. Lastly, don't pretend like you wouldn't choose the girl who was fit over the girl who was overweight, given all other things were equal.

[NotJustAnotherGuy]

I'll do you one further, I would never date a fatty. Being overweight is not just a physical condition, it says loads about a person's personality as well. I wasn't pretending anything, I was just trying to give you some enlightenment on how that would likely end. Do you honestly think she'll reject new found attention from other men? It'll be a sudden experience that you'd have to hope she is instantly mature in handling. Which is the key risk in dating someone who isn't already use to tuning out attracted men. What you would be doing for her is obviously good for her-- her health, her confidence-- even if it is manipulation. BUT the biggest dilemma with your idea is -- would if she stays fat forever? You'll eventually turn bitter from all your effort, and ultimately less happy than if you just got a girl who was already as good looking as you can get.

[Asker]

Yeah I agree with you. I would let her sleep with whoever she wants though I wouldn't mind. And yes I have dated overweight girls in the past, the face is most important looks wise and personality overrides everything... To a certain extent.

[Anonymous]

So, you would go into a relationship with a woman with the express intention of changing her.

Just like women do with men...

[wankiam]

you are missing the bit where she realises she's hot and leaves you for someone better than you

[Asker]

I am totally ok with that happening. I would just hope that her transformation would make her more confident and feel more sexy.

[wankiam]

thats cool

[JulieXO]

If that's what you want, sure. But it also has to be what she wants. If she's content with her body, she might not want t o lose weight. If you're too pushy, it might make her feel like you don't like her if she's overweight. I guess it would be better if you were overweight as well, and then you could lose weight together, that would be more motivating. However, getting fat so that you could lose weight again is ridiculous in my opinion XD

[Asker]

Lol, yeah I have tried gaining weight before too but to no avail. Maybe when I lose my metabolism. Thanks for your comment.

[Anonymous]

It may come across as controlling. Picking someone out with a preconceived plan to make them fill a role doesn't usually go well.

Buuuuttt, if you find a girl who is already trying to do those things, she'd likely enjoy the support.

There should be more important things the two of you have in common with her, though

[Mgoods]

Sounds like you're taking on a project, rather than entering it I a relationship. I get that you have good intentions, but how do you think she might feel about your motivation for being with her in the first place?

[Asker]

I certainly see what you mean, thank you for your input.

[BelleGirl21]

I don't think you go into a relationship knowing that you need or want to "change or fix" the other person. If having a fit healthy girl is important to you, find one. Don't make anyone but yourself a project.

[Asker]

I find many people do this, in fact. But I see what you mean. What about a fit girl who gets fat while you are dating her, would I be wrong to make it an issue?

[BelleGirl21]

Nope. Go right ahead, but just be sensitive about it ;)

[Asker]

My ex girlfriend gained and lost ~40lbs regularly. It was sad to see her mood so affected by it but I never really saw her any differently. She was always amazing in my eyes, but clearly my eyes aren't the only ones that matter.

[katiehalper]

Number 1-thats sweet of you
Number 2-if she wants to loose weight she will
Number 3-what about the people without pretty faces
Number4-a girl will not change for a guy

[Asker]

1- Thank you.
2- I know a ton of people who want to lose weight but are too lazy.
3- I probably wouldn't date a girl with an ugly face, the face matters most to me (sorry)
4- I respect that and I would hope she would want to be fit and healthy for herself, but also want to be sexy for me too.

Thank you for your input. I certainly see where it would be iffy on my part, even with good intentions.

[katiehalper]

I don't think its a good idea because woman arnt projects we are people. we want a relationship in which the guy loves is for who we are and dosnt want us to change

[Asker]

I agree and that was my concern, I wouldn't want anyone to feel that way. Thanks again.

[kelly173815]

Umm it's kind of horrible D: it's like you're only dating a girl just to change her

[Asker]

Lol ok :( I haven't done anything like this, it has just been an Idea, I am aware that it might not be taken in a good light. But I did mean assuming I like her personality and want long term commitment.

[badger25]

Well if you generally like her too. And she wants to be healthier and more fit...

[kelly173815]

Hmmm I don't know if it were me who this happened too, and he told me this I would be highly offended :/ It would be better if you found her attractive at her beginning weight and then just found her more attractive after

[Asker]

Yeah, well that certainly makes sense. That is kind of what I expected. I probably wouldn't date a girl I didn't find attractive to begin with, so that would be ideal. I also would not want her to feel like a project, or like she wasn't attractive enough already, or offend her, or make her feel bad about herself. I guess that could be impossible though. Maybe I should find a girl who is already in the process of a transformation not by my influence and just be there to support her? Or is that bad too lol

[Anonymous]

Ever think okay maybe she is with you till she loses the weight and once she does she will look for someone more attractive. She is probably thinking I will settle while I am over weight once I am skinny actually get a hot guy.

[Asker]

Why are you assuming I'm ugly? I'm in shape and good looking, I've asked gag before I got from 8-10/10 lol and I date good looking women too

[Asker]

But I see what you mean, and yes of course that has gone through my head. I would hope she didn't feel like she would have to settle for me in the first place. But if she did and left me for someone better than me, that would be fine, I mean it would hurt but I woud get over it and understand. My hopes would be that she would feel better about her health and appearance. with or without me.

[Azara]

what if after she loses weight she has a lot of loose skin?

[Asker]

I probably wouldn't expect a change that drastic, but it's ok, that just happens, it is natural. There are creams and stuff that help with that too or in extreme cases surgery. I am more worried about her feeling exploited or objectified or something.

[Azara]

well not if you're upfront about it:)

[Asker]

I am a pretty upfront guy, Thanks :)

[Azara]

sure, she might be excited about the idea.

[Anonymous]

Horrible Idea.
Girls want to be loved for who they are, not changed.

If I started dating a guy, and he started trying to get me to lose weight, it would not only destroy my very very small self-esteem, but he'd get dumped. Or I'd commit suicide. Either or.

[Asker]

Wow no offense I wouldn't get involved with a girl like that to begin with. Low self esteem and confidence is a deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Asker]

Hahaha explain please!

[Opinion Owner]

thats so cute lol
like encouraging a girl to be healthier and stuff instead of judge her AND enjoy yourself as well :D

[Asker]

So if I find the right type of girl she wouldn't feel like a project or some experiment? She would actually be appreciative and happy? Providing I cared about her and was considerate and loving?

[Opinion Owner]

if you marry an overweight girl and help her lose weight and all then i gues she will yes (but then again weight is a touchy subject so no promises there lol)

but if you tell a girl what you said in the post in detail, well its different from one girl to another but i wouldn't do it :P

[Asker]

Ok, thank you!

[Opinion Owner]

you're welcome :)