Will he eventually be over his ex?

[Anonymous]

I've been kind of hanging out with this guy-it's very new we've only been talking for about a month-and I noticed he was acting distant, so I asked him about it, and he dodged the question, saying he'd explain one of these days. we were talking online a few days ago and I brought it up again, and he told me straight up that he's not over his ex; he gave me full details, how he had messed up with her and she ended it and now he's mourning the loss. they've been apart for at least a year now, and they're not in touch; as far as he (and i) know she's totally over him. but I'm friends with her from my place of work..she's beautiful, tall, skinny, and so sweet. I'm short and skinny, pretty enough (a lot of people have told me they think I'm stunning but w/e!) so I'm very upset. on the flip side, he wouldn't have been so straightforward with someone he didn't trust; he said he'd never told anyone that before, and he told me he likes me a lot,enjoys my company, etc. he said he's open to the possibility of someone else for him but it would take a long time. I haven't slept with him and not planning on it anytime soon; we just cuddle and make out..and I asked him to ihs face if he'd rather just be friends or nothing, to which he shook his head no and said he wants to just take it as is; but how can I deal with this? he's a really good guy. and he doesn't owe me any explanations, but he gave it anyway. and he did tell me that I "turned him on more than he has been in a VERY long time." he told me he's dead on the inside, but then looked into my eyes and said "maybe not completely dead" and kissed me again. I am so baffled. do you think he could develop those feelings for me instead?!

[Tamikaze]

I think you need to tread very carefully. He obviously is enjoying your company but he is not over her and if after a year he is not over her, well, you at best would be his rebound girl. This isn't about comparing your physical features to hers or whether she is sweet or maybe you are sweeter or any other detail. This is about him being emotionally connected to her or the "ghost" of their relationship and he is the only one who can decide to move on. I am afraid you will end up hurt in the process.

I have no doubt he says sweet things and he is a really good guy, but really good guys who say sweet things have been known to break girl's hearts. He is telling you straight up that he is not over this girl, he has been distant and yes he is explaining why, but that does not mean that if the two of you sleep together, he will get over her because clearly he made the decision to sleep with you. Hey, even guys in mourning want the occasional bit of sex and attention. My only concern is that since you are already making out, it doesn't take too many more steps to go from that to having sex. A few sweet words and the removal of your clothes is about all that is needed and I think it would be a big mistake. I think you may be already too in to this guy to play it safe.

[firerysprite]

it may take time. At least he has been honest with you. The real question is are you willing to wait and see what happens, and do you think that he is worth the wait? You can't try to rush him or pressure him that will only push him away. Just take it slow and enjoy what you have with him at the moment. what's ment to be will be.