Forgive, but can't forget

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I broke up because he cheated on me. I was hurt when he told me, but at the same time I wasn't angry at him. He still thinks that down the road. We will be able to be together again. When in reality, I don't feel the same anymore. I tried to give him a second chance because I forgave him. But I couldn't handle it, I have this reccuring image of him and the girl he cheated on me with having sex. For some strange reason I don't think he will do it again, but that image keeps playing back and forth.

Things aren't the same anymore for me. But he still wants to work it out. I just don't know what to say to him next time I see him. I need some ideas to get the ball rolling.

[drstms]

Forgiveness is a process that takes more than the rational decision to do so. It also requires the emotional acknowledgment that you have been hurt, how, and how badly. This should lead to grieving the pain and losses involved, such as the lost trust, intimacy, and expectations of fidelity. Also, grieving is not just crying. Grieving is allowing God to open your heart to the depths of the pain involved so you can expel the pain through grief and allow your tears to irrigate the wounds of you soul, which Christ will then debried and suture closed, so they can heal.

You probably even feel like you have been stabbed in the heart, or back, by him, so let the wound be taken care of by the Master. Just because you can't see the wound doesn't mean it is not real. You can feel it, you just can't heal it yourself. However, if you let it fester, and "get over it" you will find the depths of your soul becoming infected and you will react to this pain in every situation you ever encounter that reminds you of it in any way. The enemy is good at cross referencing things and keeping the list of accusations to remind you when you need to protect yourself, which really hurts your self and others.

You may want to watch "The Notebook" or "Facing the Giants" and pray, asking God to show you what you need to see, take you where you need to go, for as long as you need to be there, and keep you safe in the process. He will and you will go through the pain to the freedom and health on the other side. Remember, you don't go to the hospital with a gunshot wound to "get over it" You go to the hospital to go through the pain that is necessary to reach the freedom from pain, and healing on the other side.

May God bless you with thoroughness and courage in this process.

[chinni]

You mentioned that he told you that he cheated. First he can hide that from you but he was honest in telling you that. You are thinking more of the girl cos of which you are getting into such mode. And when you know that if it doesn't happen again what's your fear.

Even if you think you can leave this guy and find a new one . are you sure the new one will not do this.

Forgive him and make the relation work.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes it's not what you do, but how you make up for it. If that was the first time he's done it, and he's been good to you outside of that, then if you forgive him and see if he puts in the work. The other part is finding out why. Once you know why, you two can work on the dynamics of your relationship that brought that to the table in the first place.