Am I hopeless or running out of time?

[Anonymous]

First things first. I'm 21.

I'm your quiet introvert. I read and write a lot. I love movies and music. What surprises people most about me is that I play and watch and know a lot about sports.

I only have a couple friends but I'm really close to them.

I've never had a girlfriend or even been kissed. I didn't really care all through middle school, high school, even most of college. Toward the end of college, though, I ran into a girl in my class that I eventually began to like. Believe me, it took me a lot of effort to strike up conversations with her, but eventually we became comfortable with one another and she texted me a lot so I asked her out and we went out once and then that was it. When classes were over, she dodged my offers and eventually stopped talking to me.

Even though I miss her, I acknowledge that I have to move on and it's been about a year. I'm in Medical School now. Most people are a few years older than me and many of them are already taken/married. And the few that were single--most of them already got together somehow. There are no viable options right now.

I feel like this hit me fast. I mean, the urges of wanting a girlfriend. It just came out of nowhere and now that I realize it, the options have dried up.

The problem is that my personality isn't conducive to bars/parties and all that so that limits my exposure. I think I'm fun, but I'm starting to wonder if other people would think so and if I'm even appealing. Am I hopeless and running out of time?

[That-Guy]

"The problem is that my personality isn't conducive to bars/parties and all that so that limits my exposure. "

People go about things the wrong way. When you like that "one" girl, your going to just be too nervous, too into it and just overwhelm her. So rather than going about it in a "how do I get a girl" demeanor:

You need to just look for human contact in general. I've had many introverted friends who wonder why they're single and it's because they don't put themselves out there and actively pursue friendships.

If you can form friendships that means you are bringing something to the table. The first step you should take is to start making friends, through friends you are able to be more social and also meet new people through networking.

It takes people a bit to get to know each other and it's easiest through repetition and familiarity. Why do you think work people tend to date one another?

You're a smart guy and you have a good head on your shoulders, however... you haven't taken enough social risk. I know it's hard when you have a small group of friends who are the same introvert, there not much to learn from them nor networking.

So how do you start? Join some school clubs, which is going to require you to ask people about events and do something new. By succeeding at something outside your comfort zone, you'll have more confidence when put into different situations.

You've got a good grasp on yourself as well man, it's time to start getting rejected and awkward situations. The longer you wait, the harder it'll be to snap out of it.

[31Ross]

Best answer right here. He just described my personality. I'm afraid to step out of my comfort zone, which is why I lack a deep number of friends to hang out with and lack a girlfriend. My parents were sort of strict and they put it in my head that drinking and partying in high school was bad so I kind of stayed away from it, now that I'm older I realize it was just a social gathering I was missing out on. Of course there were bad apples in high school, but you avoid them. Now I'm nervous about

[31Ross]

Going to a bar because I have no idea how to even ask for a beer properly lol. Of course I'm 20 so I have to pull the whole fake I.D. bit.

[JulioAngel]

Hey man, you're 21 nobody is screwed at 21 unless you are on a wheelchair or something are you?

I don't think so (and if you are I'm sorry man but still no one is screwed at 21)

I'm 20 years old I love music, I like reading, I love movies and I like sports too, you are not the only one, I don't like bars either I don't even drink.

But you know what, reading makes you intelligent, movies and music make you sensitive, and sports make you attractive lol. I've had some relationships with girls my age and sometimes I notice they don't care too much, or they think different (sometimes too childish) I consider myself a mature man, and therefore I have had relatitonships with older women, they're more interesting, at first it's difficult 'cause they see you as a kid, but once they see your MAN side they like it.

So I'd say give it shot, try with an older girl (5 or 6 years older).

If you can't make it a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend, at least it will make you feel comfortable with girls and suddenly you might be able to date girls with no problem, just take it easy man annd don't get desperate.

I hope this works for you

Good Luck man!

[UPgirl]

I agree with Julio for sure. Trust me plenty of women respect and will find intelligence attractive. But, they are usually older and more settled with themselves. Really when you think about it, how many people meet their significant other in a bar? Why would they truly respect you for your honest qualities in a packed bar? Like that-guy said, you have to form friendships first too. Everyone is afraid of rejection of being awkward, even pro athletes. you have to put yourself out there.

[socalgamehater2006]

Dating is a choice for girls, for us guys it's a chore

[JulioAngel]

Yeah you're right, but it's an art too, and once you know how to play your cards you can make it easy ;) , the trick is knowing your virtues and skills, and find her weak points, then apply your skills.

[frustratedchump06]

I agree with him, about choice and chore, since us guys unfortuneately, always have to initiate

[JulioAngel]

Well yeah, but would it be the same if it was backwards? the girl initiating? I don't think so, it'd be weird, come on guys! we all have the potential to ask out a girl, making her feel comfortable, if you are rejected the first time it's not the end of the world, a second or a third time either, it was just not meant to be, that's how it works, you try with a girl, then another til you find the one, so men don't get down, we all can do it you all will see!

[frustratedchump06]

Yeah we may have the opportunity and option to initiate, ask out a girl whenever we want to, but unfortuneately, the hardest part about it is showing her you are confident, not coming across as needy or desperate. If it was backwards, the girl initiating, girls won't have to do even half the amount of work we guys have to do in order to make a girl interested in us.

[defytraditiongirl]

I agree with them, when the girl initiates, guys are more receptive and will more likely reciprocate, welcome advances, and I use that to my advantage

[HopelessAndLost21]

Not nearly. You're only 21 for pete's sake.

What you should be doing is focusing on whatever you're doing in medical school. Study, enrich yourself, and don't sweat about the girls. If you come across as too desperate, it will be an immediate turn off to women. A lot of the older women in my circles (ages 30-40) are always complaining how the good ones get taken early. Just relax, there's plenty of fish in the sea and there's no hurry. ESPECIALLY if you're only 21.

[dalila]

Totally agree gee you are a kid there is plenty of girls everywhere worry when you are 36 and even then that Will be lote of girls... Just look them ?t museums libraries

[dalila]

Hey hey hey not all good girls are taken never át any age because there Will always be more girls than guys in the world só don't rush and don't worry

[mortablunt]

You're running out of time, sadly. By the time your age-level dating pool is in the 30's, all the good ones have been taken and there are some very strong reasons why they are single and possibly divorced by their thirties. Definitely go for online dating.

[BlackSuperman]

calm down... your only 21... I tell ya... your gna be surprised by the time your 25/26... you will have prob met someone... if not, you will meet someone in your late 20s/early 30s... by then you will have enough exp, enough wisdom to really give a lot to your gf... so don't trip so hard over that... I had to accept that...

[loverorbestfriend]

Find a suitable girl at, say, a writing class, or take French or something where an introvert can meet other introverts...in life, you have to make the effort, otherwise, introvert or not, things will rarely come your way...

[SociallyInept]

I agree 100%

[loverorbestfriend]

Great minds think alike! BTW, I am a huge fan of Lupe Fiasco, Linkin Park and Kid Cudi too...see?

[muzeasd]

some way or the other, ther are people just like you

[imgoingtoregretthis]

im in the same boat as you :) we even share the same interests ha ha anyways I still have hope, so should you

[dalila]

Hey you guys should meet!

[tyler899]

ran out of time

[trod199]

your still young